To tell school or not?

[uncharacteristichose]

Hello! So my DD(15) is homeschooled, but went to primary school and is still in contact with friends from there. A boy, let's call him David, recently contacted her asking to meet up. DD didn't really know him well, but went to school together for 9 years and didn't want to say no so agreed.

He asked for DDs Snapchat, and then asked her 'have you sent nudes' and 'have you ever given a blowjob'. DD, not making the best decision, ignored it and kept talking to him, David then asked to show her something, and after DD said yes not knowing what 'something' was, sent a naked picture. After that DD just ignored him and eventually blocked his Snapchat.

A few days ago he started to message DD again and wouldn't stop, e.g. 'stop ignoring me' 'please' 'reply' 'this is why I have trust issues'. DD replied saying he was being crazy and to leave her alone. David then asked for naked pictures of her in exchange for leaving her alone. DD kept telling him no but he wouldn't take it for an answer. E.g. DD - 'no. please stop asking me about it, nothing you say would make me do it' David - 'ok just send me a picture of your naked breasts and I'll never message you again'.

DD doesn't want me to tell his school as he would get in trouble, and she has no proof he sent her nude pictures as it was on Snapchat. She does have pictures of all the messages. I'm conflicted because that's a really awful thing for him to believe is acceptable but I don't want to make anything worse. Apparently this happens a lot (!) to DD and friends but he really wouldn't leave her alone and repeatedly asked her for naked pictures.

I know David's mother, but she's always been of the view that David can do nothing wrong and wouldn't react well at all. I really don't want to leave it, but also don't know what the right thing to do is? :/

I know DD shouldn't have continued talking to him, but what's happened has happened and I don't know what the right thing to do now is! I feel if I leave it he will think this has no consequences and is absolutely fine, when it's not.

I have screenshots of all the messages, but having read them have discovered that apparently DD screenshot his nude and deleted it straight after to try to make him go away. Does that mean she possessed child porn for the few minutes she had it?

DD says it was a very split second decision so I don't want her to get in serious trouble for trying to convince the boy harassing her to leave her alone!

uncharacteristichose

Is it still in the bin? (right click and open)

She may have been in possession of it but she has told you, and you are going to report up the tree, so it is different.

No Boney, happened out of school. If teachers had to sort out all all social media issues there would be no time left for teaching! Nothing whatsoever to do with school and nothing school could do except report it. This is a parental issue.

boneybackjefferson as in does she still have it? She deleted it from recently deleted as well so I wouldn't think she could access it at all, and has been blocked on Snapchat so the whole conversations gone!

Goingtostoprepeatingmyself

Fortunately you are wrong, Social media and the reporting of bullying or sexual abuse is a matter for schools.

Either because it is groups of school children bullying or because they have a duty to protect others in the school and need to know that it is going on.

And if the OP only reported this to the police, they and the associated services would be obligated to tell the school due to safeguarding procedures.

A good school will become involved in something like this which is a serious safeguarding issue in order to support the student involved. They may be asked to lease with the police and/or social services for both children involved.

At the very least they need to be aware this has happened to the OP’s dd.

uncharacteristichose

If its gone, its gone. It is the reporting of the incident/s that matters.

And as for letting teachers get on with teaching. All schools will have a designated person whose job it is to deal with this kind of thing.

Asking your daughter to send nudes and sending her nude photos is really, really creepy and abusive. It is also criminal.

You need to give a clear signal to your DD that she should never tolerate this kind of abuse. Your DD will not get in trouble for having been sent a nude.

I would contact both the police and social services. As PPs say, they will inform the school as well, so they can monitor his conduct in school at the least (and hopefully they or SS will get counselling in place); but the police, not schools, are the first port of call for cases like this.

Some posters on MN suggest that this behaviour is common from men, or normal experimentation for children- it is not and should not be tolerated.

The complainant and victim is not in school. As the parent of the offending party has proved to be ineffective, the police is the correct route.

They can liaise with the school if they wish.

Yes it’s illegal to send receive or store such images of children under 16 even if it’s the children taking and sending the photos.

She’s behaved very responsibly.

I agree with some of the others in stating that your DD is not in his school. In your shoes, I wouldn't contact the school. It did not happen in the school and the victim is not in the school.

If I was in your shoes I would first contact the NSPCC to seek advice on what is the best course of action. They'll be able to help, see if you should contact the police first, or social services.

What a sensible, young lady your DD is, OP! You must be very proud.

I have to say I fully agree that this behaviour is absolutely NOT acceptable.
It’s illegal yes but it’s also very deeply rooted in misogyny.
I would really want to make a point with my own dd that that sort of behaviour is NOT to be accepted form anyone, even if ‘it’s normal. I’m receiving that sort of requests all the time on social media’.
It’s dangerous enough when the other person is your bf/gf (see all the issues with revenge porn etc...) but from anyone else and when the ‘interest’ clearly not reciprocated, those teens really need to learn the meaning of the word NO.

I think the NSPCC is a very good start. The mum wouod sounds the most logical but if she isn’t open to that sort of discussion, then you will need to approach it in a different way.

Actually thinking about it, I think it’s a Police matter tbh.
But somehow, I feel this is a too strong way to approach it. I’m not sure if it’s not me minimising that sort of action tbh....

If we don’t want our dds to start another #MeToo campaign in a few years time, that sit if behaviour needs to be stop in the bud now that these teens are still young.

I think it’s a Police matter tbh. But somehow, I feel this is a too strong way to approach it.

The police are not idiots, they are used to dealing with this sort of thing sensitively. This kid won't go to jail. Hopefully he will get appropriate help and realise the consequences of his actions.

I’m not sure if it’s not me minimising that sort of action

Sorry, but I think it is. I'm a bloke, I know what teenage lads are like- this is not normal behaviour. I hope this kid gets support, but this cannot be excused or brushed over.