19DS won't go out, trying not to explode, at wits end

[Cleebope2]

Any realistic ideas on what to say or do to make DS 19 go out and socialise or get a part time job? He's in first year at uni studying computing, goes out once a month, rest of the time is stuck in his room on 4 devices at a time apparently 'studying' but is actually really shy and bored. Since he left school his friends have drifted away and he does not ever initiate anything. I feel so sad for him. He should be having the time of his life like his dad and I were at his age.

Cleebope my DS is vv similar to yours. But what I discovered is that online gaming has taught him huge amounts ... it is not all shooting mindlessly. Some games are grounded in history and geography. Others are multi player and hone team skills

Also he listens to books most recently the God Delusion and discuses them with us.

He has needed pushing every bloody step of the way. But he's clean and healthy, empathetic, kind, funny, loyal, honest. He is just finding his own way, albeit slowly (he too left uni after 1st year and is back home).

The best thing you can do is tell him you will be there to support and help him in what he wants to do. Then leave him be.

Hmm... it seems common for our hermit children to only last a year at uni.

Still don't know what the answer is though.

My son is younger but was as you described. He told me he couldn’t talk to new people (mainly people his age) & would stutter/blush etc.
for other reasons he was referred to CAHMS where I have to really emphasise I thought he had social anxiety too. At first they dismissed this but I got him rereferred and they acknowledged he did.
The solution they offered was 1-1 with a psychiatrist but we’re still waiting for that. In the meantime he’s been prescribed Sertraline. I was very reluctant to agree to this but he begged me to agree.

In 2 months he’s been out most weekends, most days over Christmas and has a girlfriend. He’s also regularly attending school. It really has worked but not so easy to take an over 18 to the doctors.