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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Do you think it’s ok for a girl of 13 to get the bus at 9.30 at night

32 replies

Lostmum72 · 20/01/2018 06:58

Hi me and my dp disagree with this. I feel uncomfortable with a 13 year old getting a bus at 9.30 at night I’m not that keen them getting a taxi either I would rather pick them up myself knowing they are safe but at 13 she is pushing for more independence and wondering if I’m being over protective? What does everyone else think?

OP posts:
WinchestersInATardis · 20/01/2018 07:03

No, I definitely wouldn't let my 13yo do that.

cheshiremama89 · 20/01/2018 07:04

No way

AdmiralSirArchibald · 20/01/2018 07:04

I don't have a 13 year old but I teach them. I think 9.30 is too late. I think the bus is fine but I would/ will be picking mine up at that time of night.

Frustratedboarder · 20/01/2018 07:06

Instinct says no it's too young bit on reality it depends on details - where will she get on/off the bus (town/city/rural)? How kind will she have to walk before getting on and when off? Will she be with friends?

There's a massive difference between door to door really wth friends and long walks alone in loathe town either end...

Hippydippydoo · 20/01/2018 07:06

Way too late, I used to have to do it and was always frightened.

WinchestersInATardis · 20/01/2018 07:09

I don't know where you are and what your night service is like but that's the time of night when, if you're a female on your own in my area, you'll start getting an increased number of 'hello darling, where are you off to' and 'give us a smile's.
Hard enough to negotiate that crap when you're an adult.
I'm not saying it would definitely happen but unfortunately that nonsense is common and it's the reason I wouldn't be happy putting a 13yo on a bus at night.
I think your DP is being a bit U.

Fairylea · 20/01/2018 07:12

It would be a no from me.

hugoagogo · 20/01/2018 07:12

No I wouldn't

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 20/01/2018 07:13

No from me too.

Jeffjefftyjeff · 20/01/2018 07:14

I get buses everywhere all the time including in evening, and generally think we should encourage independence etc. But even I think that is too late. Dark bus stops, buses not turning up (more likely in evening as less buses overall and less cover), drunk people on bus etc.

Jeffjefftyjeff · 20/01/2018 07:17

(And totally agree with pp about having to ‘negotiate’ weird conversations with strangers. Get that all the time!)

Original poster
Lostmum72 · 20/01/2018 07:18

Thank god for that I was beginning to think it was me, he thinks a bus is safe as she would of been with a friend, this friend is used to getting the bus though in the day anyway! I have a 14 year old dd and I pick her up when she’s out no way would I let her get the bus at that time with a friend or not, she hadn’t asked to though. Dp did go and pick them up in the end as I was worried about her, he told me a group of them came out of macdonalds 2 got in a taxi and 2 went to the bus stop. I don’t believe him I think he was just saying this to make me think I am being over protective that’s why I thought I’d see what other parents think!

OP posts:
greendale17 · 20/01/2018 07:18

No

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 20/01/2018 07:18

9.30pm? Nope!

DoinItForTheKids · 20/01/2018 07:21

Is this on her own? If so, definitely a NO. No arguments (if it was my DD even, and she's 15!).

If with a friend the whole time? Possibly, so long as I could meet her at the place she gets off the bus (let's say they both terminate at a bus stop) and walk back up the road with her.

Last week DD and friend I put on a train (single journey no changes and which DD has been on many times) and they went to another town then got a taxi. We agreed the contact rules for the night (which is one of the ways I manage getting assurance she is safe) so when she got out at the train station the other end - quick text, got safely into a taxi, quick text, got into the venue she was going to, quick text; no drama. But at the other end of that night (activity ends at 10.30pm) I was there waiting to pick her up and bring her back myself.

A year or two (?) ago a woman got viciously raped didn't she in the following scenario: she'd got off a bus that she'd been on with a friend about 300 yards from her front door and in that distance and space of time, was viciously attacked. There are MANY nutters out there, some of them on buses, some of them on the streets/in vehicles, and you have to help them (our kids that is) appreciate the dangers and how important it is to always make travel arrangements that are safe and for them to keep communicating where they are to you and that they're safe.

I wouldn't let her do it regardless of what anyone said to the contrary. Explain why though so she understands the risks and why you're saying no. It also makes a difference (I always think anyway) whether it's winter or summer and therefore if it's dark out or not. We all know more nutters operate/there are many dark deeds carried out by nefarious people when it's dark and I'm really strict on where she can go when it's winter - having a mate with her and not walking anywhere on her own are strict rules that let her get out the door in the first place.

FucksakeCuntingFuckingTwats · 20/01/2018 07:22

I maybe would with a friend yeah, buses are safe in my area and the bus stops just up from my house. Wouldnt like it on their own. My dd would rather be picked up though so id just go get her.

FucksakeCuntingFuckingTwats · 20/01/2018 07:24

Doinit at the same time many women would of got the bus last year in comparison with not getting raped! You need to weigh up the risks. When my 13 yo starts getting the bus at night I would initially get her off it.

Thishatisnotmine · 20/01/2018 07:24

It shouldn't be. She should be able to get the bus whenever she needs to. But I agree with the poster above that she will be getting lots of attention that she should not have to deal with at her age.

If she is going to be with a group of friends though and they are all going door-to-door they would probably be able to handle and shrug off any attention or comments.

Redisthemagicolour · 20/01/2018 07:26

No I wouldn't let my 13 year old do that. I'd go and get her. No question.

Sarahjconnor · 20/01/2018 07:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bitlost · 20/01/2018 07:30

No way.

EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic · 20/01/2018 07:35

So glad he saw sense and picked her up. There’s no way I’d let my DS do ot and he’s the same age. There’s a big difference between encouraging independence and being a bit neglectful.

Ifailed · 20/01/2018 07:36

Depends where you are and the route. In London, buses from the centre at 9:30 will be mostly used by people coming home from work and a 13 yo would be safe. Other routes going cross borough will have a different crowd and I could see a girl being pestered.

SquirmOfEels · 20/01/2018 07:42

Londoner, and the answer is probably not - it depends on which route, where she'd be waiting for the bus etc. And I'd walk to the bus stop at this end to meet her.

If the bus was dodgy, I'd be OK with calling a minicab for her (there's a firm we've been using for ages) and I'd pay on arrival.

Or I'd send DH to go and get her.

Original poster
Lostmum72 · 20/01/2018 07:44

I don’t really know the routes I’m fairly new to the town, I didn’t how far she had to walk or even if they would go to the destination of her friends house as this friend does have more reign and her parents were ok her being out till 10pm 😳. This is my step daughter btw, so although I have an opinion I’m not really in control, but I personally think my dp is too relaxed with this issue and I still think he lied to me to make himself look better.

OP posts:
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