Son in a relationship with a girl with bpd

[Scaredformyson]

Has anyone got any experience of their teenager being in a relationship with someone who has BPD. My son's girlfriend has assaulted him accused him of rape and he is still with her. She threatens suicide when he says he's going to split up from her. He thinks he loves her maybe he does but she is destroying him and I can't get him to see it

I don't have any advice but I didn't want to read and run. It's a very difficult situation that I don't have an answer or experience of. I hope it sorts itself out without any harm coming to your DS or the girl.

Have you spoken to him about domestic violence? Maybe if he's open to the idea then send him on a course. I went on one and it was very eye opening for me. I also suffer with BPD and that is no excuse for that girls behaviour -mental illness or not.

There is a book called "Living With a Dominator" by Pat Craven which is commonly used to DV groups. It's a very easy read and breaks it down in simple terms with a lot of examples. Please consider getting your son this book and even have a read yourself, it's very good! I grew up around DV and then entered a relationship that was toxic because of it. I thought I knew a lot about the subject until I read this. I really hope things work out.

I think her mum has assaulted her dad so maybe it's a learnt behaviour. He says she only does it when she's triggered but I dontvsee that as an excuse. I've told him that if he was abusing her he would be arrested. Like I've said he's very hard to talk to so it's difficult to broach the subject out if the blue. I never see him . He doesn't come home. If I call him he says everything is fine. I do however know that if things kick off that he always calls me so I take some comfort in that

@Scaredformyson that's brilliant that he comes to you in time of need. I guarantee you that it is learned behaviour along with her not being able to control her emotions. There's also a possibility of that being a reason she has BPD. All you can do is make sure you are there when he comes to the realisation himself. Just be aware that this could be way in the future. At the moment he's probably living in what feels like a "fog" and he can't see it for himself, but when the day comes that he's had enough and/or makes that realisation then be sure to continue to be there for him.

I'll always be there for him. I'm scared for what this may do to his future relationships. I doubt that this is a lasting relationship mainly due to their age but who knows

'DS she us abusing you.' rinse and repeat. He needs to understand that she is being horrible to him.

@Scaredformyson once he is out of the relationship, that's when a DV course may be a good idea. Otherwise yes, he may enter a new relationship which is also toxic as he knows no different. The freedom programme is very good and for over 18s. I can't stress enough how good it was.

Thankyou iwasjustakid I will definitely use the resources if I need to

Dairy I'm not sure how I get him to see that this is wrong. He just doesn't get it. All I can do is hope that one day he has enough

How ignorant I'm bpd and do not act like this that's her personality and who she truly is someone who is going to commit suicide doesn't tell people before they do if she is talking bullshit and she's a joke saying all her behaviour is due to get bpd get a hold of ure son and tell him she is a wrong one and u dont like her she manipulating him and tell him to contact me. I will explain that is not mental illness it's abuse he needs rid of her go and visit her and tell her to stay away from ure son u know het game

Not a very useful reply Nb65988. I'm surprised you don't have more insight or empathy if you have a bpd diagnosis.

I am sorry to say my son is in a similar situation. He will not talk to us at all. We are the enemy. This is very scary.

I’ve got bpd and I’ll tell you right now she needs to go and you should get her some help ,work with her parents it’s extremely difficult to control it at that age do not hate her for it ,I’m not making excuses but this is most likely out of her control but get out of there it only gets worse until you can control it

You are thinking of Bipolar Disorder. The original poster is referring to Borderline Personality Disorder when she correctly uses the abbreviation of BPD. The Suicidal threats, fear of abandonment, and manipulation tactics that the girlfriend is using are clear indicators that he is dealing with a borderline.

@spugzbunny You are thinking of Bipolar Disorder. The original poster is referring to Borderline Personality Disorder when she correctly uses the abbreviation of BPD. The Suicidal threats, fear of abandonment, and manipulation tactics that the girlfriend is using are clear indicators that her son is dealing with a borderline.