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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Do I not allow enough freedom for my 13 year old?

60 replies

LucyB2000 · 14/01/2018 19:37

My 13 year old turned 13 a few months ago. I only let her go shopping with her friends but I have to keep an eye on them. We live about a 5 minute bus drive away from the nearest town but I always drive her and not let her go on the bus. If she wants to go to a friends house I have to get the number of the friends mother to confirm it. I make her be included in all things in our family and she has to come on family days out with us. Am I being to uptight?

OP posts:
Sundance2741 · 17/01/2018 20:43

Mine is not 13 till May. She has been on the bus with friends to go shopping a few times. On her own only to come home from school occasionally. I'd like her to get the bus to a weekly activity but it's about a 20 minute ride and she's not keen yet. She walks to local shops alone but doesn't yet want to go further.

I do exchange texts with parents if she's invited to someone's house and they do with me to confirm they're ok with it but she makes the arrangements.

I don't have to insist she comes on family days out because she still wants to anyway. But I would unless she had an arrangement to spend the time with a friend as she wouldn't like to be left home alone.

PasswordInvalid · 17/01/2018 20:57

DD2 is 12. She is allowed to go into the city close by. It's about 20 minutes on the bus. She goes with her best friend who's almost 14. She normally plans her trips out around her Dad who very often goes into the city. She always "manages" to catch the same bus there and back as her dad, and phones him at least once. (On average she's normally there for 2 hours) TBH she's very responsible.
I was more constrictive with DD1 and she totally rebelled when she got more privileges so I changed parenting tact and it seems to be working.

saltandvinegarcrisps1 · 18/01/2018 16:37

Another calling reverse. OP am I right?

BlindLemonAlley · 19/01/2018 14:47

Too restrictive, she needs to have some independence it’s part of growing up.

Original poster
LucyB2000 · 20/01/2018 12:28

Hi. Thanks for all your feedback. I was worried I was too restricted on her, and I will give her more freedom from now on. I will let her go on the bus to town and let her go shopping on her own too. Thanks!

OP posts:
MsHarry · 20/01/2018 12:35

When my DD started going shopping with friends I would only let her go to a certain centre that was enclosed take her and wait with her until friends arrived and stay in the centre myself and collect her later. Now at nearly 14 I still take her and collect but I leave and she has more freedom about pick up times etc. Happy for her to get the bus but she hasn't yet.

ChoudeBruxelles · 20/01/2018 12:36

Yes my 11 year old has more freedom than that.

MsHarry · 20/01/2018 12:36

Oh and parents' phone numbers is always a good idea. My DD has a nut allergy so I have to make them aware.

AlexanderHamilton · 20/01/2018 12:42

Ds & Dd both have additional needs (asd)

Both have been getting the bus into town since Year 7 (11).

At 13 Dd began getting the train & a taxi to her school in another city

Both have to give me contact details of friends houses though I am aware now Dd is 16 that rule will be for sleepovers only

We are going to the theatre tonight. Dd will be left alone until 9.30om but her grandparents will be checking in on her.

10thingsIhateAboutTheDailyMail · 20/01/2018 14:11

Sounds claustrophobic and restrictive to me

Is there a reason for your being anxious about her?

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