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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Age to leave teenager at home

30 replies

LeoTimmyandVi · 10/01/2018 20:05

Just a quick question about leaving a nearly teen and pre-teen alone at home in the morning. I am a lone parent and all my friends have younger children so hard to gauge what I feel is right

My children are nearly 13 and 11 (year 6). I have a job about 10 mins from home where I cours pick up extra early shifts from 7am-3pm. I would need to leave Home at 6.40am I guess? Both children get up easily and have alarms etc. and I would consider sensible.

What age would you feel comfortable leaving them at that time on a school day?

OP posts:

Mycarsmellsoflavender · 10/01/2018 20:22

Would they get themselves ready for school on time if left to their own devices? I'm not sure mine would. And would they be responsible for locking the house up? I have 2 of similar ages and am happy to leave alone for an hour or so, but I wouldn't want them to have the responsibility of locking up before they leave if the house was going to be empty all day.

Pagwatch · 10/01/2018 20:24

I would have left mine. They would have coped with that but my eldest DS was born about 40 years old.

Original poster

LeoTimmyandVi · 10/01/2018 20:30

Thanks for your thoughts. My daughter (the eldest) has locked up in the morning since she started Year 7 - now year 8. My son has never needed to do it - but I think he could with practice. Hmmm, maybe nearer the summer when it is lighter in the mornings?

OP posts:

SleightOfMind · 10/01/2018 20:32

How many days a week would it be?
Two of them maybe, the other two definitely not at that age.
How do they get on together? Would the younger one listen to or wind up the older?

Try a trial run one morning where you leave for the gym or something at 7 and come back after they’ve left.

SisyphusDad · 10/01/2018 20:35

I assume that both schools are reasonably close.

I guess my only concern would be whether, if DS2 left later, I would be happy (and whether it was fair) giving him the responsibility for locking up. Both of mine are sensible in the main but both have been known to walk out of the front door to the car and completely forget to even shut it.

So overall, if you think they're up to it then I would think it OK.

Original poster

LeoTimmyandVi · 10/01/2018 20:41

It would be once a week at most. They get on well - it would be the younger one locking up though. But I guess at once a week by elder one could just leave a bit later and they could both leave at the same time?

I think maybe as I am questioning it, then i’m not comfortable. Great idea by a pp to do a dry run - I think I will do that

OP posts:

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 10/01/2018 20:42

I’m a single mum too, with a very responsible teen who wakes up on his own, gets ready, has breakfast and works on his homework even before I come out of bed.

I wouldn’t leave him on his own as he will get distracted and leave late for school but most likely, I’m pretty sure he would leave the door unlocked or even wide open any given day (he does it all the time with me around, without me and regardless of how many times I mention that my bag and the car keys are by the entrance door).

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 10/01/2018 20:43

I mean, I wouldn’t leave him on his own in the morning (he is perfectly capable to survive on his own for a while in the afternoons.

Heratnumber7 · 10/01/2018 20:45

I would enquire whether you could leave them at a friends house until it's time to go to school. My friends and I would do that for each other without a second thought.

Stillwishihadabs · 10/01/2018 20:48

I have done it, only occasionally and from the older one being 10 (so 10& 8 a year 6 10)

Original poster

LeoTimmyandVi · 10/01/2018 20:53

Thanks everyone for your input - good to get a range of other opinions. I haven’t really got anyone I would feel I could ask to have them from 6.30am. My DS is very sensible but reckon he may be liable to still be sat on his iPad at 9am if I didn’t prompt him !

I think I will leave it for now and think about it again when DS starts secondary in Sept.

Thanks again all

OP posts:

Oblomov18 · 10/01/2018 20:54

What? Can't believe these responses. In year 6, children here are encouraged to walk to school, in preparation for secondary.

So, Ds1 (who has now been going to secondary for a few years now) sets his alarm, gets up, has shower, makes his own breakfast, makes a lunch, leaves house, locks up, gets bike, rides to school.

Sometimes I'm here. Sometimes I'm not.

A secondary school child should be able to do all these things on their own. You may indeed be there, pottering, but he should be Capable.
Sometimes I make him a sandwich, or grill him a bagel, but often he sorts himself independently.

Did you say it was only 1 or 2 days a week?

I can't believe that posters have a problem with this?

StopCallingMeShirley · 10/01/2018 20:57

If it would only be one day a week, it might be a good way to 'practice' for September?
Depending on your job, would you be able to text/call before he needed to leave to say 'oi, put the iPad down and get out the door!'?

marshminkmellow · 10/01/2018 21:00

There is no LAW on age of child being left at home alone. As long as there is no risk to their health and wellbeing. "Parents can be prosecuted if they leave a child unsupervised ‘in a manner likely to cause unnecessary suffering or injury to health’."
This is not meant to scare you of course, I know some very mature teenagers who i would trust to lock up and some I would never let near the keys of my house. Haha only you can say how your kids will act.
I'm sure if left with proper instructions and you have a friendly neighbour who could watch all goes well, I don't see a problem.

Oblomov18 · 10/01/2018 21:02

Our school encourages independence and not mollycoddling and cotton wooling.

They should be responsible enough to leave Home on time, get to themselves to school on time. Why are posters doing this for them? Why wouldn't they leave at a set time, without your prompting?

Why would they not shut the door properly?

mrsm43s · 10/01/2018 21:05

Same age children (but both at secondary) and we do this once a week. We only leave 20 mins or so before them, so they're already up and dressed when we go, but they do have to leave on time and lock up behind them. They've been doing it since September and the worst we've come back to is a left on light, and breakfast bowls left on the dining table. My two do walk in together to the same school though, so I guess the 13 yr old is technically in charge.

Original poster

LeoTimmyandVi · 10/01/2018 21:07

Yes, he walks himself to school on his own (10 mins safe walk) and I leave the house at the same time for my normal work hours. My neighbour is lovely and know my children could dash next door if there was a problem.

Lots to think about all, thank you.

OP posts:

Oblomov18 · 10/01/2018 21:08

Even my Ds2 who is only in mid primary gets himself up, dressed, can do his own breakfast, (although I often do him and Ds1 toast, waffles, bagels etc), gets snack and is ready at the set time, with minimal intervention from me.

When I say it's time to leave, he's ready. He's even quite aware of times himself.

I'm staggered that so many people have school children who can't get themselves ready, or who can't be trusted to leave safely and get to school on time.

TentUpFirstBunkUpLater · 10/01/2018 21:11

I locked up from the age of 9/10. At primary school.

Mum would make breakfast bacon and egg sarnie mmm) and leave for work.

I would sort my shit, lock up and go to school. And then horror of horrors, I would get back before my mum and dad did and unlock the door and let myself in and not trash the house.

This would happen every day unless I had a sports club or other activity in the evening

In secondary school at lunchtime, I would hop the bus, go home, make my own lunch and hop the bus back and not be late

Same goes for leaving in the morning and getting back in the evening

Again no trashing of the house

Cotton wool, snowflake children these days

IHaveBrilloHair · 10/01/2018 21:11

I'd leave them, can't see why not.
I leave my now 16yr old for up to 2 nights, and have since she was 14 with a very stringent back up plan.

IHaveBrilloHair · 10/01/2018 21:13

I'm planning a week's holiday abroad this summer, she has no say in it and she's not invited!

Choosegopse · 10/01/2018 21:30

I think it really depends on how sensible your kids are. I could leave my 8 year old and I know she would get herself to school ( not that I would!)

If mine were that age I definitely would.

scrabbler3 · 10/01/2018 23:26

My DCs would have been fine at that age. I would have been ok, too.

Audree · 11/01/2018 00:57

I did it occasionally when my kids were 12 and 7. I would wake them up a bit earlier so they could have breakfast and get dressed while I was still at home. I would leave about 30 min before them.
Ds would set the alarm on his ipod so he knew when it was time to leave. It worked out well.

GuestWW · 11/01/2018 12:32

Do it, I do leave my 10-year-old (Y6) sometimes at 8 am so that I can get to work a bit early. I make sure she is ready to go and set an alarm for when she needs to leave. She likes the independence (and the 30 mins of crap TV watching). Other daughter is in Y7 and two mornings a week I am exercising when she needs to get up so not in the house. She gets up, gets dressed and is ready for to leave the bus although I am back by then.

They are capable and I think it is important to teach them to stand on their own two feet. Might sound a bit much, but our job as parents is to prepare them for a life on their own and us doing everything for them doesn't help that.

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