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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

17 year old son attacked- what can I do?

85 replies

starrydreamer · 08/01/2018 17:49

My 17 year old son is in 6th form in School in a small market town. He has to walk to school through the town centre to get to the bus.
Today he was set up by a gang of similar aged youths that he didn’t recognise. He was told by one
‘ not to stare at his mate’
DS seemed to think he was referring to a lad that hangs around the same place who my son and his friends have looked at - nosy teenagers.
DS said there were about 15 of them and he was on his own. He’s 6 feet and so not an easy target but some lads kicked him and thumped his back.
He says he has no marks and bruises but he is very, very shaken up. Even though he won’t say anything.
He’s barely spoken since he got in. Nothing I say to make him feel better is helping.
He doesn’t want me to phone the police. He doesn’t want a day off school tomorrow. Us picking him from school is impossible and he can’t really vary his route to bus station as it’s a small town. He says no one is available to walk with him to the bus stop as most of his friends go home in a different direction.
I also suspect he doesn’t want to be seen to be needing help.

Could someone please give me a fresh perspective on this?
Living where we do, he has been quite sheltered from this sort of thing.

And so have I.

OP posts:
CrumpettyTree · 10/01/2018 17:12

If this has happened twice they could do with putting a policeman there after school for a bit.

CrumpettyTree · 10/01/2018 17:13

I'm not impressed with the police response so far. Surely if he retaliated it could escalate

Original poster
starrydreamer · 10/01/2018 17:18

He got a lift back today but a friend told DS that there was a police car near the bus station.

Not sure that was the right place as the gang are in the town centre but maybe better than nothing.

DS still barely speaking.

OP posts:
bringbacksideburns · 10/01/2018 17:21

Your poor lad. Have you got the names of the other kids that were with him? Maybe speak to their parents and get witness statements?

Original poster
starrydreamer · 10/01/2018 17:29

Police have names of friends etc. They hope to review CCTV footage too. Hopefully if something is clear on CCTV they won’t need witnesses. But I did get the feeling we were being steered toward not making a formal complaint in case it made things worse. I will support DS whichever option he chooses.

OP posts:
extinctspecies · 10/01/2018 17:36

Which part of the country are you in OP, if you don't mind saying.

I'm really quite surprised by the police response.

I live in a market town which has a contingent of anti-social youth behaviour, but our local police are pretty hot on claiming down on it.

extinctspecies · 10/01/2018 17:36

clamping not claiming

LittleMe03 · 10/01/2018 19:06

This is awful OP. At your sons age he probably feels he shouldn't need parents help but unfortunately sometimes we have to go against our children's wishes to protect them.

Police should and could have done more about this. No doubt your son is not the only person these horrible thugs have targeted.

I do see your sons point and he is obviously very brave to feel he should continue as he is and not let them win, also, he could bump into them anytime anywhere when he is out.

Does he have an older male brother/cousin/neighbour or friend that he would let make the journey with him, maybe early 20's? He might accept help from them easier than you?

I wouldn't suggest he or the other person retaliates, but maybe being with someone older to tell them to back off iyswim.

Original poster
starrydreamer · 10/01/2018 20:31

No, there is no one we can think of to help.
I cant get DS to tell me what his plans are for tomorrow. I suspect he just wants to see if he can get on the bus without trouble.
He hasn’t eaten any of his lunch today and wouldn’t come and eat dinner. He won’t speak and has been laying in bed since he got back, so unlike him

He’s now gone for a walk and won’t say when he is coming back.

OP posts:
LittleMe03 · 10/01/2018 21:59

Oh I think you really need to intervene now OP. I know this is really difficult but he could be putting himself in danger by going out walking this time of night.

He is still a child and I do feel you need to have a serious chat with him about the dangers etc.

Also the fact that he has become so withdrawn is also a big concern Sad

PerspicaciaTick · 10/01/2018 22:14

The police should have given him a contact for victim support. Their supportline operates 24/7 and aims to help people move on from the effects of crime. Just call 08 08 16 89 111, even if the police didn't give your son ther contact details.

Or possibly Childline if he would feel more comfortable talking to them (I think they are a known/familiar quantity for many children).

Or possibly see if you can get him to go to the GP. He sounds very depressed (not surprising really) and there maybe support for him there.

Original poster
starrydreamer · 10/01/2018 22:22

He came back after an hour. The silence is sudden and shocking. I’m sure he’s just processing it all in his head but he’s normally very bouncy and upbeat. No teenager angst here. Until now.

Anything I say is winding him up. DH tells me to leave him alone.

Good idea about some numbers to call. He has spoken to the pastoral care teacher at school today. I will give them a ring again tomorrow.

I’m also intending to get hold of the community police officer for the area and check to see if they can be visible again.

Thanks for listening

OP posts:
extinctspecies · 10/01/2018 22:26

When my DH reported a very minor crime to the police recently he was offered 'victim support' which he did not need. Hope your DS can benefit from this as obviously he does need it.

Do you have a local community Facebook page? Ours reports stuff like this all the time, police are on it a lot as well and it's another way of contacting them.

MrsNacho · 10/01/2018 22:34

So sorry your son had been subject to this twice now. Really wish I had am answer but it's such a difficult situation.

welshmist · 10/01/2018 22:37

Perhaps you could ask your councillors to look into this for you. You can find them online.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 11/01/2018 12:31

Can he ride a bike to and from school and go a different route?

Original poster
starrydreamer · 11/01/2018 12:46

We have been contacted by Victim Support this morning.
And the school welfare officer has been in touch.
My son has refused to go in today.

It’s too far to go by bike.
We have offered to pick up/ drop off but it’s getting him motivated now I’m having trouble with

OP posts:
welshmist · 11/01/2018 12:51

I am not surprised he has not gone in, he is traumatised. Poor lad. I did think you were a single parent until you mentioned DH, can he not take son to school?

Original poster
starrydreamer · 11/01/2018 13:08

We have told him we will take him in and collect him.
He won’t even get out of bed or talk about going back to school tomorrow.

I am at a loss on what to suggest

OP posts:
Weezol · 11/01/2018 13:14

Stop suggesting anything for a day or two - he needs to recover from events. A few days off school to recover from several assaults is quite reasonable.

I know your instinct is to 'fix' things, you're his mum and that's natural, but he could be completely overwhelmed and exhausted. He needs time to process what's happened, let him have some down time from everything - school, washing up, the future.

welshmist · 11/01/2018 13:29

Wise words Weezol. Leave him be I have a sixteen year old and would be raging over this. I would also be kicking up a huge fuss with my councillors, AM (Wales) and MP. Who are the ones to get the police to act. I bet there is cctv evidence knocking around.

NewIdeasToday · 11/01/2018 13:48

This is awful. So sorry to hear it’s got worse. Lettyhim stay home for a couple of days sounds really sensible.

Can you take him out to have a chat about how he’s feeling? I find chatting to mine in the car can be helpful as they are more open about things when they’re not looking at you and it’s not a ‘big chat’.

Original poster
starrydreamer · 11/01/2018 14:46

Thanks, you are right.

I should back off. My worry was one day off would lead to two etc.

I’m in uncharted territory here.

I’m not very good with anything I can’t fix immediately.

He is up and eating now.

I will feedback tomorrow, hopefully with the news he’s in school

I appreciate the time taken by everyone to comment.

OP posts:
Weezol · 11/01/2018 15:18

I really wouldn't be expecting him back in school tomorrow unless he wants to go. Give him a couple of days without any pressure at all.

WhatIWant · 11/01/2018 15:27

I don't know if you can get through to him or if it's best for someone else to but i would have thought it's important for him to understand that his reaction to this is very, very normal.

💐 For all of you.