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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

17 year old son attacked- what can I do?

85 replies

starrydreamer · 08/01/2018 17:49

My 17 year old son is in 6th form in School in a small market town. He has to walk to school through the town centre to get to the bus.
Today he was set up by a gang of similar aged youths that he didn’t recognise. He was told by one
‘ not to stare at his mate’
DS seemed to think he was referring to a lad that hangs around the same place who my son and his friends have looked at - nosy teenagers.
DS said there were about 15 of them and he was on his own. He’s 6 feet and so not an easy target but some lads kicked him and thumped his back.
He says he has no marks and bruises but he is very, very shaken up. Even though he won’t say anything.
He’s barely spoken since he got in. Nothing I say to make him feel better is helping.
He doesn’t want me to phone the police. He doesn’t want a day off school tomorrow. Us picking him from school is impossible and he can’t really vary his route to bus station as it’s a small town. He says no one is available to walk with him to the bus stop as most of his friends go home in a different direction.
I also suspect he doesn’t want to be seen to be needing help.

Could someone please give me a fresh perspective on this?
Living where we do, he has been quite sheltered from this sort of thing.

And so have I.

OP posts:

Ilovetolurk · 09/01/2018 19:56

A split lip is evidence of assault. A second crime number surely doesn’t cut it. Can you post again in chat or aibu for more traffic and some suggestions as to how to escalate this with the police?

MyBrilliantDisguise · 09/01/2018 20:00

How is that not a 999 situation, ffs? Twenty lads beating someone up?

Did his friends get hurt or did it seem to be targeted against him in particular?

lifechangesforeverinjuly · 09/01/2018 20:05

My brother was assaulted when younger (albeit he was about 12 and was punched in the face by a 17 year old).

My mum reported it to the police and the attacker was brought up in court and made to pay a fine to my brother.

I do think it needs reporting. Your poor son, can't understand what it must feel like.

lifechangesforeverinjuly · 09/01/2018 20:07

I've read to the end of the post now.

What a despicable group of lads. Your poor son - I also don't understand how it's not an emergency situation?

CocaineAndCaviar · 09/01/2018 20:31

Fucking scumbags. Your poor son. How on earth can they say to call 101?!

I sincerely hope they get their comeuppance and your son gets back to being himself soon.

17 year old son attacked- what can I do?

NC4now · 09/01/2018 20:37

This happened to DS when he was about 12 or 13. DH is a community police officer so he knew what to do.
One thing that was really helpful was he arranged for DS to leave school half an hour early for a week, to give him chance to get home before the other lads finished school.
Also, it’s obvious but make sure your son has his phone charged and knows he can ring 999 if there’s an immediate threat. My DS rang from a phone box once and they sent a car to pick him up.

Dilligaf81 · 09/01/2018 20:40

Your poor Ds. I presume you are at the police station now. I cannot believe 999 told him to call 101 that's shocking.

Neolara · 09/01/2018 20:57

Bloody hell. Your poor ds. What is wrong with some people. Hope the police are more helpful when you go to your appointment. At least there are now witnesses and I think it's probably very helpful that you'd already reported the first incident.

Margomyhero · 09/01/2018 21:04

Oh now awful for all of you. It's particularly tough as your DS probably won't want to be seen to need his parents help.

I hope that the police get involved now.

NC4now · 09/01/2018 21:19

Hang on... they told him to ring 101?? That’s awful. 999 is for when there is an immediate danger which there was. Without wanting to be alarmist, these things can escalate quickly.
I think you need to get the police round for a serious chat about how to protect your son.

Original poster

starrydreamer · 09/01/2018 21:26

Thanks everyone.

DS in now in tears. I haven’t seen him cry in years! And he’s not talking. Also unheard of. And cancelled his driving lesson.

The police said they were aware of a group and antisocial behaviour but usually later in the day than when they set upon my son. We had found a few names on Facebook of who some of the gang members may be. The police wouldn’t be drawn, which I understand but I got the impression that the main name was familiar.

DS phoned 999 after they’d hit him so it was classed as non emergency.
He’d got split up from his friends. They were not a group of his best mates, sort of friends of friends.

The police said they would look at CCTV footage and if DS wanted to press charges it would involve them telling the main assailant.

Obviously he is reluctant but there is no rush for him to decide now.

Police officer said DS should retaliate if necessary as its self defence. He also suggested DS should either run or hide in a shop but I could see by his body language that DS could not quite get to grips with this.

My fear is that they are there again tomorrow
DS still refusing offer of a taxi home etc. He doesn’t think he should change his life because of a bunch of yobs. But he’s not doing it with ‘I’ll show them’ confidence, more of a resignation.

This is bloody awful!

OP posts:

crazycatgal · 09/01/2018 21:46

Can you speak to school about your DS leaving 30 minutes early? Someone mentioned it upthread and it sounds like a good idea to me.

The police advice regarding retaliation doesn't sound very helpful - I can imagine that it's near impossible to hit back when you're attacked by 15-20 lads.

I hope that your DS feels better soon.

Yogagirl123 · 09/01/2018 22:04

What a horrible situation for you and especially your DS, I have a DS also at college who takes two buses to get there, so I can empathise. Let’s hope the CCTV has some good clear pictures for the police to pursue these bullies. Sending you both a hug.

DonutChamp · 09/01/2018 22:16

Retaliation - wow, that's sound advice. I'd put in complaint about that being suggested.

Has the Head of your son's school been in touch with the police?

Poor boy, I hope this resolves for him asap

Harvestmoonsobig · 09/01/2018 22:20

💐💙

WhatIWant · 09/01/2018 22:32

Your poor son. No advice but just wanted to say how sorry I was that your son had this happen. It's really really horrible. 😔

Megs4x3 · 10/01/2018 13:24

Oh dear heaven! I'm so sorry to hear this! Hopefully with so many friends/witnesses the police will be able to do something. Having a word with school might help. If any of them are attending, boys are notorious for boasting about stuff like this. Hugs to you and your son. Please keep us posted. x

Megs4x3 · 10/01/2018 13:30

Im sorry, I missed some of the posts. This is awful. I understand your son in a way, but discretion is sometimes the better part of valour. I hope he can be persuaded to take a taxi/keep a low profile for a day or two. Yobbish attension spans can be brief so it might break the pattern. The police are 'out there' with their advice. He could hardly call them before or while he was being hit, could he? Grrrr! on your behalf.

Original poster

starrydreamer · 10/01/2018 13:38

I’m trying to work out how to make him understand he may have to make compromises for his own safety.

A bit like women walking alone late at night in dark alleys. We should all be able to walk where we want but life isn’t like that. And some areas people avoid.

He is coming home with a friend in a car today but what follows is up for grabs.

School are aware of what is happening. DS found a member of staff himself. But also at least one other parent had called the school. School have contacted the police themselves but not much else they can do.

OP posts:

UrsulaPandress · 10/01/2018 13:54

Your poor son. I hope the gang move on.

TeeBee · 10/01/2018 14:11

Take some time off work and pick your son up from school. Really, is anything else more important right now? Can you really not just take an hour off each while this gets sorted?

I would be tempted to sort this out myself if the police don't have the resource/can't be arsed. They hang about together for protection. Do you know someone who can go and pick off the ringleader?

Megs4x3 · 10/01/2018 14:19

Perhaps explaining to him that deliberately putting himself in harms way is irresponsible. Yes he should be able to go where he wants, but a temporary detour from the usual is just common sense and self preservation. The last thing he needs isfor the police to decide he is master of his iwn misfortune or worse, provoking the situation. As someone else said, perhaps he could leave school a bit earlier or even later on achanging schedule for a few days so that the gang aren't sure where he'll be when might help. Just till theend of the week and by monday the novelty might have worn off for them. He wouldn't walk into the middle of a busy road just because he feels he should have right of way as a pedestrian would he? :-) (My grandfather ysed to do this and it's a wonder he wasn't killed, foolish man.) Might be to appeal to his love if you - I know you don't want to but please do it for me, so that I don't have to worry. Emotional blackmail some might say, but worried mothers are allowed in this situation, I say. :-)

Northernsoul58 · 10/01/2018 15:09

You say that living where you do, you have been quite sheltered from this kind of thing.
This is not normal ANYWHERE.
Always call the police. There may be CCTV, if not at the scene then along the route.

Original poster

starrydreamer · 10/01/2018 16:37

I don’t have the sort of work flexibility to finish early so it’s almost impossible to get away away. Or I would.

I have offered to collect him later if he would wait in the school library or to pay for a taxi home.

However my point was he doesn’t want me to help him. He wants to walk through the town to the bus as he has done for the last 5 years. I see his point but I need him to back down from this.

I suspect he thinks if he lets us collect him then the thugs will have won.
He is learning to drive so it won’t be forever.

OP posts:

extinctspecies · 10/01/2018 16:43

Well, if he does not want the thugs to win, hopefully the police will be able to get enough evidence to prosecute them. Or at least the ringleader.

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