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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Lifts on Friday and Saturday nights for teenagers...where do you stand?

67 replies

MrsGotobed · 15/09/2017 20:08

If Friday and Saturday evenings are you and your DP/DH's nights for relaxing with a few glasses of wine what do you do if your teenager asks in advance for a lift back from somewhere 10pm onwards meaning one of you can't have a drink that night?

Does one of you sacrifice your weekend treat and not drink so you can give them a lift? Do you say no? Tell them if they go out they need to make their own arrangements?

OP posts:

MothratheMighty · 16/09/2017 10:42

But by not letting your children walk back from work because of lateness, you are building the idea that night=transport. Do you live in a high crime area?

Original poster

MrsGotobed · 16/09/2017 11:30

No not high crime but the walk home isn't through a residential area for part of it and isn't all street-lit. (TBH on the rare occasion I've walked it at night it's pretty scary when you hear rustling in the trees and verges!)

Personally I'm not happy to let a 16/17 year old girl walk home alone 10/11pm on their own. Surely that's not unusual?

OP posts:

Perfectly1mperfect · 16/09/2017 11:47

I don't think it's unusual to not want your teenage daughter to walk that route home at all. You would never forgive yourself if something happened. It's rare but terrible things do happen.

I couldn't care less if I am 'building the idea that night=transport'. I just want to know they are home safely.

Dontfuckingsaycheese · 16/09/2017 11:55

I've told my ds (now 14) He can always ring me and I will come and get him. Don't want any worries about getting in a car with a drunk driver etc. Disclaimer: This does not apply at school home time and you've got your bike. And coat. But it's raining

Dontfuckingsaycheese · 16/09/2017 11:56

Ps. I don't drink though so not a problem.

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 16/09/2017 14:22

Their responsibility, I go out it's my weekend too.

Katedotness1963 · 16/09/2017 19:05

They get picked up at any time, no questions asked, no yelling about it. Coming from an area where it's the done thing for teens to drink and speed round the country side like a bat out of hell, I've seen too many stories with unhappy endings. We've told our kids they can always count on us for a lift and not to, under any circumstances, get into a car with someone who's been drinking. Their friends are welcome to a lift or a bed for the night.

Original poster

MrsGotobed · 16/09/2017 20:07

Oh we've made it clear that should they ever find themselves in a sticky situation then we will provide a lift/taxi/"get out clause". The trouble is they are of that age/generation where they think they'll be fine, it won't happen to them etc but I still remind them of this (to much eye-rolling!)

We've also had conversations about never getting into a car with a drink driver. DD (the eldest) doesn't drink anyway and is not part of the "drinking crowd".

OP posts:

MothratheMighty · 16/09/2017 22:31

So what's the decision OP? Give them a lift if they ask in advance? Say no? Or play it by ear on a case to case scenario like most of us?

HeddaGarbled · 17/09/2017 00:36

I knew the balance was shifting when I arranged to pick up DD and friend from a gig, said I would walk from car park to venue and she said "I'm worried about you walking on your own at that time of night"

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 17/09/2017 00:38

There is a difference between teenager 13 and teenager 19

LoveBeingAMum555 · 17/09/2017 01:13

Yes we do it a lot (16 and 18 year olds). We live very rurally and taxis are hard to come by and very expensive. I expect them both to be considerate though and mindful of the fact that DH and I both work and need a rest on a weekend. There was a time when I hated it but I think I have got more used to it now!

I will occasionally do a 4/5 am pick up if there is no other option. We also have a rule that if they are out and there is a problem we will get them, no questions asked, even if they are somewhere they are not supposed to be or whatever. We might talk about it the next day but I would never want them to be stranded in a situation that might not be safe.

Original poster

MrsGotobed · 17/09/2017 09:36

MothratheMighty - we'll continue as we have done and it will vary depending on situation. It's just good to get other peoples opinions especially when I'm being made to feel bad for saying no on this occasion

I don't think it's unreasonable to expect to have a weekend myself so if a taxi (under £10) is an option then I don't see why they can't use one. OTOH we do occasional lifts for gigs an hour away, lifts for work and sports, have gone out of our way and dropped their friends home etc so we're not mean and horrible parents!

OP posts:

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 17/09/2017 10:17

We live in fairly rural location and have always forfeited drinking in order to do lifts when necessary. My parents did it for me and so I am passing the good deed on.
We've figured there'll be plenty of years ahead when they won't need us (we're reaching that stage already as eldest can now drive and has also just left us to go off to uni) and we can drink as much as we like.
If we get invited out too on the same night we just tell our younger son to get an uber - cheaper than taxis.

misdee · 17/09/2017 10:20

I don't drink so it's not an issue. I always say to call it she need a lift or friends do. Especially as now can drive and reached legal age for drinking as well. Have advised about drink driving and the effects the day after as well. Would rather they got home safely than risk getting into a car with someone who claims they are ok to drive.

Chocrock · 18/09/2017 12:24

Public transport or Uber, DS is 16 and would DIE if I picked him up anywhere

lljkk · 18/09/2017 20:24

Can't you just pay £10 for the taxi? Win Win?

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