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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Lifts on Friday and Saturday nights for teenagers...where do you stand?

67 replies

MrsGotobed · 15/09/2017 20:08

If Friday and Saturday evenings are you and your DP/DH's nights for relaxing with a few glasses of wine what do you do if your teenager asks in advance for a lift back from somewhere 10pm onwards meaning one of you can't have a drink that night?

Does one of you sacrifice your weekend treat and not drink so you can give them a lift? Do you say no? Tell them if they go out they need to make their own arrangements?

OP posts:

mumsiedarlingrevolta · 15/09/2017 23:09

have moved recently to more of a town location so less driving-

DC expected to walk/cycle/take the train (choose as appropriate)

however I do think that if I might normally collect but would rather have a drink then I would pay the £8

DramaAlpaca · 15/09/2017 23:16

I'm always available for lifts. Have to be as we are quite rural with zero public transport in the evenings. I don't mind, it means I know they are safe. I'm currently waiting on a phone call to pick DS up from work.

Cherrymix · 15/09/2017 23:19

I stay sober and act as a taxi. No public transport around here after 11pm and I'd rather know where they are at the end of the evening. It won't last for long. Just another parenting phase.

But I do insist on a set pick up time.

HeddaGarbled · 15/09/2017 23:28

If public transport isn't available, I think you should do it. I know it's a pain but I actually think it's borderline cruel to deprive teenagers of a normal social life.

I found this difficult because my H wouldn't inconvenience himself so it usually fell to me. I also remember having stand offs with some of their friends parents who would always offer to do the first lift but never the late lift home. I once refused to take one girl whose parents would never do the late lift. Felt awful for the girl but was fed up of them taking advantage of me.

I wouldn't do late lifts on both Friday and Saturday nights in one weekend. And if taxis are easy to get and reliable, I would gladly pay so that I didn't have to go.

Stoneagemum · 15/09/2017 23:35

Sort themselves, if they want to go they can get home.
Saying that I have the emergency taxi fund tucked away for genuine emergencies, but it is exactly that emergency only, I will bail you out but it best be a proper emergency, judgment is a good lesson to learn

Perfectly1mperfect · 15/09/2017 23:40

I will be their taxi. I would just worry about them anyway. But if you live rurally I think it's fair that you help them as they are so far away from the things their age group wants.

I get told I am very soft though.

Ploppymoodypants · 15/09/2017 23:42

Ah this thread is making me love and appreciate my lovely Dad so much. We live v rurally and he would always pick me up if asked. Even now at nearly 40 he would come and get me if I called at 3am from the city. Bless him. He now lives nearer the city than I do and if I have a big night out o often get a taxi back to my parents house as saves me much money. And if I get ready there he always offers to drop me out and pick me. I don't actually ever take him up on it, as bless him , I should pay for my own taxi. But reading this has made me realise how lucky I was to have dad waiting in the car in his slippers to pick me up from a club at 2am on a cold winters night.

Perfectly1mperfect · 15/09/2017 23:44

Ploppymoodypants

Your dad sounds lovely.

Mrskeats · 15/09/2017 23:45

I normally do one night out a week as both mine drive and their friends do
Normally drop off in town if they want to have a drink and they share taxis back with mates. Only takes 5 mins in our case so no problems.
They do lifts for us too now which is good.

Moodycoo · 15/09/2017 23:53

My parents always picked my brother and I up (even at 4am from a shift as a bouncer several nights a week!) and I'd do the same for my daughter. I couldn't relax wondering if she'd get home safe.

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 16/09/2017 00:08

I'm not sure about this thread, what age are we talking?

mrsplum2015 · 16/09/2017 00:29

I'm only just at the start of this with dd going to 13th birthdays til 9pm!

It does feel like a bit of a pain, both because I like to have 2 or 3 glasses of wine on a weekend evening and because I want to get into pjs/bed early too if we're not out anywhere!

However it's part and parcel of life. I can't imagine feeling comfortable with her in a taxi on her own until at least 17 and even then I'd probably rather pick her up so I know she's safe.

Xmasbaby11 · 16/09/2017 00:34

I'd expect to give lifts especially if you live rurally.

redcaryellowcar · 16/09/2017 07:36

I would collect mine happily in same situations. I would also gladly collect them at any time day or night 24/7 if they needed me to. I'm not a big drinker, might have half a glass of something at a celebration, so I appreciate I'm not in same boat as you.

rainbowjoy · 16/09/2017 07:38

Live rural and give lifts, pick ups. It's mostly to work though so not complaining as ds has good work ethic. He's nearly 17 and very keen to learn to drive. Hopefully will pass relatively quickly. Then there's the next worry.

MothratheMighty · 16/09/2017 07:43

What age? Mine are adults now, last train to our place is around midnight. When they were around 14, a bunch would come home to town and then walked each other home. DD could cover a couple of miles doing that. But if they were tipsy, or the weather was foul, or they were shattered, I gave lifts. Still holds true.
Flip side is that now their grandparents are very elderly, my children help and support in all sorts of ways, as they do us. That's how our family, and extended family works. If you can help, you do, but no one takes advantage or expects things automatically. It's not reasonable.

rennieroo · 16/09/2017 07:45

My dad would pick us up at all hours rather than have us wait for a taxi, he still would now if we needed him to and we're 32 and 30! I also repay the favour now though and regularly do airport runs, drop offs and pick ups. Will do the same for my Ds when they're old enough

MothratheMighty · 16/09/2017 07:47

Oh...I didn't mean tipsy at 14! Later, when they were over 18.

graziemille · 16/09/2017 07:52

Always did it, shared with a friend. I'd say do it without doubt. They grow up, flee the nest and then you'd give anything to be sat in the car listening to the fun, laughter and gossip.

Etymology23 · 16/09/2017 07:57

If the taxi fare is only £8, are they close enough to cycle? That would only get you a few miles round here I think.

DressedCrab · 16/09/2017 07:58

We always did pick ups. Their safety was far more important than a glass of wine.

They paid it back by picking us up after they passed their tests.

Frazzled2207 · 16/09/2017 08:28

My parents always picked me up but they always said it wasn't my fault they lived in the middle of nowhere. The town was 12 miles away and they did an awful lot of taxiing when I was in my upper teens

BackforGood · 16/09/2017 08:53

We always did pick ups. Their safety was far more important than a glass of wine.

They paid it back by picking us up after they passed their tests.

This ^

It is part of parenting.
Once they drive then it is their choice to drive or pay for own taxi - although, at that time of evening I would still pick them up if they were coming home then, and they would pick me up so I can have a drink.
When they were children and younger teens I always encouraged them to get to know others / ask around and lift share for all drop off and pick ups. I'd rather drop other folks home when I'm out (even if not particularly local) and then have other parents drop mine home when it doesn't work for us.

Original poster

MrsGotobed · 16/09/2017 09:46

ITCouldBeWorse - I pick them up, but warn them I will be wearing pjs. I threaten I will go in to collect if they are not ready on the dot. This ensures I am not hanging around ... I like your style

Just to clarify for those who asked - the age we're talking about is 16-18 years, no real urge to learn to drive, not completely rural but on the edge of a small but very spread out town with no public transport .

Only used a taxi twice, once was after a one-off late shift at work when we couldn't pick up anyway due to having visitors. Work is easily a walking distance but we insisted on (and paid for) taxi due to lateness.

Thanks for all your replies.

OP posts:

Original poster

MrsGotobed · 16/09/2017 09:48

...and all the other times we've done pick ups or friends parents have (but as I said before location means that it generally doesn't work to share lifts).

OP posts:

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