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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Evil mother.....I won't cry when DS goes to uni

45 replies

DryWhiteagainW · 02/09/2017 20:41

My DS is starting uni in 2 weeks. People keep asking sympathetically how I will cope? Will I miss him? Will I cry?
The answer is "no" I won't ....then they look at me as if I'm very odd.

I love my son . My house will be a lot quieter without him which will be odd, but...

He's ready to go.
I'm excited for him.
He can manage, cook, organise himself etc
He needs his independence.
He's driving us mad because he can drive, drink, has his own money so why should he follow our rules?
I won't miss the arguments or the mess or the selfishness.

So, there you have it, I'm an evil mother....can't be the only one.

OP posts:

AlbusPercival · 02/09/2017 20:42

I think there was an identical thread this morning except the DD was starting reception, so no you aren't the only one

plantsitter · 02/09/2017 20:49

Hmm.

Let's see. Do update in a fortnight.

corythatwas · 02/09/2017 23:06

Dd went off today. There isn't really anything about her that I can console myself that I won't miss - we haven't argued much and she isn't more selfish than the rest of us.

But for many years I didn't think she'd be able to live independently and for a time I thought she might never live to be an adult.

If there were tears in my eyes when we drove away it was with pride and gratefulness.

Travelledtheworld · 03/09/2017 00:07

That's great Cory.
You were a prominent poster in teenagers for a few years weren't you ?

SerfTerf · 03/09/2017 00:08

YANBU. The mass histrionics about kids going to uni is a tiny bit ridiculous.

BackforGood · 03/09/2017 00:16

I'm the same drywhite, and totally agree with serfterf.
It is fab to see them grown and independent. Made me very proud when ds went off to university. No I didn't feel sad. No it didn't change 2 weeks in Plantsitter.
dd is off in a couple of weeks. Yes I'll miss her in some ways (she is my IT advisor ) but I'm perfectly capable of functioning normally without her. I'm delighted that she has got to where she wanted to be and I'm sure she will grow some more once at University like ds has.
I will enjoy having another bedroom restored to a tidy state.

MorrisZapp · 03/09/2017 00:21

I don't have a teenager but my mum dropped me at uni and buggered straight home to turn my bedroom into a Laura Ashley nest of roses. Not one tear was shed by either party, nor were there any sentimental looks or speeches. Cheerio mum, see you at Christmas.

SerfTerf · 03/09/2017 00:23

she is my IT advisor

You make a good point there, but it turns out DS can actually interpret my garbled "there's a wobbly little icon on the thingy" texts remarkably well and sometimes I can even understand the response well enough to act on it successfully first time

So don't even worry about truly important details like teen tech support too much

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 03/09/2017 00:40

Morris you don't know that your mum didn't she'd a few tears during her journey home.
When we dropped DD1 off, I actually couldnt wait for her to go. She'd had a gap year but stayed at home and I knew she was so ready. However, DH and I had to stop the car as we both started blubbing as we drove off! It just came from nowhere but it didn't mean we were pathetic or couldn't function properly, as some posters here are suggesting. Whilst it is fab to see them growing, there's nothing at all wrong with feeling a little emotional.

Sgtmajormummy · 03/09/2017 00:59

Yup. Time for them to show the world what they're made of.

At the end of each education phase (playschool, primary, Junior high and now Seniors) it's been a swift goodbye and onto the next thing.

This is what DS has chosen to do. He has the skills to do it, or will have to learn them pretty darn quick. Good luck to him and all his cohort (first day on 18/9)!

Gannicusthemannicus · 03/09/2017 01:00

My parents drank champagne when I left.

Still stings

Abitoflight · 03/09/2017 01:16

My DD really needs to go and I'm so pleased she is
Worry re a levels meant poss gap year but all turned out ok
I'm frankly fed up of constantly brokering the wishes of dh dd1 and dd2 so one out of the equation is fab 😄
Plus she is so critical of how dh and I live our lives generally and so harsh on DD2 ('I don't like my house disturbed by her friends', doesn't want sisters friends in kitchen cooking breakfast or being cheerfully slapping on make up before a party with music on etc etc) that I will be relieved to see her off

Topseyt · 03/09/2017 01:43

For years I didn't think I would be upset when DD1 left to go to uni, and I didn't cry in front of her.

On the way home though, the floodgates suddenly opened and I just couldn't stop it. I wasn't expecting that, and I promise I am not usually pathetic.

I did get used to her going back every term. I was fine with that.

Then we got to her third year, which was to be spent abroad and she was clearly terrified but trying to be brave. Having also had to spend a year abroad at the same age myself, I remembered just how scary it was and it really affected both of us. Much more than either of us expected it to.

I took her to the Eurostar terminal at St. Pancreas and seeing her go through to border control and security there really was very hard, especially when she began texting me from the departure lounge saying suddenly how scared she actually was. I just wanted to go and offer comfort, but I couldn't.

I am glad you are coping well with it. I did a lot of the time, but there were moments, and it can hit you.

BlessYourCottonSocks · 03/09/2017 02:14

When I went to pick my last DC up from his first day at school (many years ago) I was asked 'did you cry this morning?' When I said, 'No, why?' in surprise I was told I was a hard hearted bitch.

I've now seen three of them through Uni and never shed a tear when any of them left. They are moving on with their lives and that's fine. I'd be sobbing if they were still living here into their 30s...

Original poster

DryWhiteagainW · 03/09/2017 08:20

I totally understand why some parents do get upset especially if their children are worried about going. I'm lucky that DS is excited and ready. It's interesting to read that I not the only one who feels like this.

OP posts:

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 03/09/2017 08:23

I'm the same OP. See my dc off with a genuine cheery wave and know it won't be long before they're back home again and in the meantime enjoy the peace.

Slight change this year as ds off for a year abroad as part of his course. I am a bit wobbly about that, particularly to where he is going, but time goes by so quickly I'm sure this year will fly too.

Love51 · 03/09/2017 08:28

My dad cried when he dropped my brother at uni. Didn't cry when I went though! My brother got his place through clearing, and apparently dad was crying when he saw the state of the shared house my brother was it. In fairness, it sounded disgusting.
Generally my parents were of the 'job well done' school of progression. My younger one is starting reception this week, after my hassle to get him a place. I didn't cry when the big one started, but they were both in childcare before starting school so it isn't like they can't cope without me!

rogueantimatter · 03/09/2017 08:46

I'm looking forward to less housework and mess. But I'll miss hearing DS practice, his 'banter' and (most of) his friends being round. I'll worry about him being in London doing an intensive course but I'm excited for him and proud of him being brave enough to choose a difficult option.

It would feel like less of a loss for me if it wasn't going to magnify the difficult relationship I have with his DF, which is exacerbated by him being home nearly all the time and my working from home. If we had spare money I'd enjoy doing lots of leisure activities. Will have to get back into reading fiction.

Will try to be bright and breezy when I drop him off. I understand you DryWhite. One of the aims of being a parent is to help the DC become independent and it's great to see them stepping out into the big wide world. For us it's good to have a change too I think. Would we really want to stay at this stage of our lives for ever?

Christmastime will be all the more special for it being a time of reunion. I intend to do what my DM did for me and bake lots of DS' favourites the day he comes back. I like spoiling people with lovely food. Christmas stockings for student DS are great too. They're delighted to get food and toiletries.

rogueantimatter · 03/09/2017 08:48

That's such a good point about time going by quickly ThroughThickandThin

hesterton · 03/09/2017 08:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sparklingbrook · 03/09/2017 09:07

I will be sobbing, but DS won't see it.

Original poster

DryWhiteagainW · 03/09/2017 09:10

Rogue I'm the same. I'll do his favourite meal the night before he goes and have enjoyed putting his store cupboard food box together. My stocking at Christmas was very practical when I was a student...toothpaste, deodorant etc, loved it

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 03/09/2017 09:14

My daughter was excited and ready. I still cried like a baby.,,.i also cry like a baby every time she comes home for a visit then goes back,,,

I love her, I miss her. Sure she's a pita. But still.

MirabelleTree · 03/09/2017 09:16

DD buggered off abroad for 6 months last year at the start of Year 13 and then for 3 months of the summer but is here this year. I was a bit worried about how I would be when she went as my Mum had died 2 weeks earlier but it was fine and I remember looking at DH after a couple of weeks and saying it wasn't at all unpleasant.

These days with Skype, FB and Whatsapp it's so easy to keep in touch it can feel like they haven't really gone.

GetAHaircutCarl · 03/09/2017 16:11

Both my DC will leave in a few weeks.

I will cry and I will miss them but I'll also be glad that this phase of parenting is over. I'm really excited about the future for them but also for me. I have a lot of plans!

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