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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Disappointing A level results. . .what next?

43 replies

campingismyjam17 · 29/08/2017 09:13

Just that really. Daughter was predicted an A, B, B in Biology, Chemistry and History. I thought an A, B, C was more realistic and as the year progressed I would have been happy with a B, B, C.

She wanted to take a year off(I was happy with this) and study Biology at Kent.

She got a C, C, D and I am really disappointed. She went through clearing and was offered a place at Essex to go this year which she has turned down.

Currently she is hating on me and I don't know what I have done. We are barely talking and I don't know how to get pass this as every time I try to talk to her , just generally, she bites my head off! It is never the right time, she is always on her phone or getting ready to go out or out. I have been giving her money to go out but I don't have a bottomless purse and I have told her this.

She knows how I feel about her exams but I was prepared to try and help her but she won't face anything. She had absolutely excellent teachers who really tried to help her but as I was working I wasn't always aware of how many lessons she was missing until I started getting missed calls on my phone from the school and letters in the post. She always had an answer though and I tried to trust her.I thought she was managing things.

She had a little weekend job which I supported her in giving up so she could revise.I kept her 15 yr old gamer brother quiet so she could revise. I didn't put any demands on her and tried to make sure she had everything she said she needed.

Now she has admitted she just wasn't prepared and didn't do enough but her attitude sucks. She is almost defiant, there is no remorse she hasn't really claimed this and is not doing anything about it.

If she had got decent enough grades I would have been happy for her to get a little job and or try and get some work experience, do some volunteering and get ready to go next year.

I have stressed that she didn't have to go to Uni but she was always fixed on the idea. I just don't know what went wrong. She was saying she was feeling disillusioned for a while and I get that you can get tired of studying but she was well capable of keeping up and wasn't struggling with the work she just lost interest.She had her first real boyfriend at the beginning of the year. They have since split up and she was very upset(still is) and I was trying to help her get over him.This all happened after the exams. We used to be close, she used to tell me things, she talked to me a lot. Not any more.

What can I do today? I just want to be able to talk to her without getting my head bitten off. We need to address this and I will help her but she seems under the impression that she can do resits. I can't see her doing this, as, if she wasn't interested enough to do it this year how will she be, repeating work? She'll just be bored surely.

Her school doesn't do resits so she will have to go to a college I guess and there will be a cost involved. If she has to do 3 full A levels (I don't know how this works) she won't be able to work so where will her money for going out come from?

I am just really upset and tearful about how she is at the moment she just seems so angry.

Advice please.

OP posts:
Mayhemmumma · 29/08/2017 09:18

She's probably just very aware of your disappointment and a big gutted for herself.

Remind her it's really not the end of the world, that you will love her and support her what ever she decides - she's old enough to make these decisions now.

Perhaps she should reconsider Essex if it's the right course. Does she really want to resit? Only do this if she's really set and determined to go back and take the exams again.

ImperialBlether · 29/08/2017 09:24

She's angry with herself, but taking it out on you. That is bullying and you shouldn't accept any responsibility.

She's got the grades to go to Essex. She made the decision to turn that down. I would say that re-sits are not possible now. She didn't put the work in - as soon as you said she was missing lessons I knew it was her fault she did badly. What the hell did she expect?

I think now she has to work or get another place at university. I'd advise her to get a place and go now if that's what she wants to do. I taught A levels and it was very rare for someone to improve their grades on a resit because they kept thinking "I know this bit; I don't need to work at it."

ImperialBlether · 29/08/2017 09:26

Just looking up Biomedical Sciences which is still in Clearing at Essex - looks great and has a year abroad or a year in an NHS lab.

Original poster
campingismyjam17 · 29/08/2017 10:14

Thanks ImperialBlether, yes that's what she has been offered and I thought it sounded good as well. I have also been told that resits are not a good idea and that she should go to Essex as student satisfaction scores are high and I think that is important.

I don't know why she is so intent on kent, stalling perhaps? They may change their entry requirements for next year and then she will be stuffed. I can't see her getting the B's she needs if I'm honest. I know A levels are a lot different but from her teacher's perspective, they had very high hopes for her as at G.C.S.E she got 6 A*'s, 3 A's and a B.

Just gutted.

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Original poster
campingismyjam17 · 29/08/2017 10:18

Thanks Mayhemmumma, I am disappointed about Essex as it is nearer to us than Kent. She doesn't seem to want to consider it though even with her Biology teacher saying it was a good offer.

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gamerpigeon · 29/08/2017 10:27

Colchester is also a really great town and I think Essex is about the same level as Kent in terms of academic reputation.

Why did she turn it down?

RaininSummer · 29/08/2017 10:30

I think she will need to be sure that she wants to study something like biomed science as its a tough degree with a lot of maths and chemistry. I stumbled across NHS apprenticeships yesterday, would that interest her. It doesn't mean she won't go to uni later on if that is what she needs.

Allthebestnamesareused · 29/08/2017 10:34

I think at the moment she is probably in a bit of shock herself. She might have thought she could get away with the same level of revision as for gcse. If it is obvious that you are so disappointed and you are getting tearful that is probably why she won't speak to you about it as she feels it is dragging her further down.

As a parent I get that after her great gcse results you had high hopes but her results are what they are. I can sense your frustration and disappointment from your post.

I think possibly say that you want to have a chat about the way forward but suggest that you speak about it at a certain time eg. tomorrow at 11 am so she gets used to the idea that you are going to speak about it and when.

You did all the right things as a parent, let her give up work, gave her the environment to study (by minimising noise from her brother) etc. At the end of the day it was for her to put the work in.

However I am not convinced that resits are the way forward even if possible.

The place at Essex seems realistic or possibly she could look at what Foundation courses there are that may let her access the course she wants at Kent next year.

Original poster
campingismyjam17 · 29/08/2017 10:35

hi gamerpigeon, I've heard nothing but good things about Essex. I don't know why, could she be scared as she wasn't expecting to go this year?

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Original poster
campingismyjam17 · 29/08/2017 10:42

Allthebestnamesareused, thanks for that , especially the bit about the foundation courses.

Her results are what they are, you are right.

I guess I can't get over the fact that she sort of knew she wasn't doing enough but didn't do anything to rectify it, even when she had the time. Her teachers gave her so much of their time but she either didn't go to lessons or didn't act upon their advice.

I'm not convinced about the resits either. I don't think she is ready mentally. I think she needs to get a job, graft for a bit, get proper tired and not have much money to do the things she wants to.

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Original poster
campingismyjam17 · 29/08/2017 10:48

RaininSummer, part of the problem is she doesn't know WHAT she wants to do, only that it is something to do with Biology and that side of it. I paid for her to do a week at the Labs at John Moores Uni in Liverpool at Feb half-term this year. it was a wonderful opportunity for her and she got to try out lots of different techniques and impressed the tutors and totally held her own but she was still a bit "Meh" and didn't get enthused. I would like her to get more practical experience but don't know how to go about it.

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SummerKelly · 29/08/2017 15:58

If she doesn't know what to do let her take some time out to do whatever she needs to, work, resits, another course, whatever. There's no point sending her off to a course that she's not sure about, she can delay going to Uni until she's ready, or do something different. I was sort of in your DD's position, not great A levels, I got a place at Uni but it wasn't the right course for me (parental pressure). I spent the year self studying for a further A level, volunteering and working. It was great and I was ready to go to Uni the second time round with some life experience too.

ImperialBlether · 29/08/2017 16:16

She needs to do a pros and cons list of all of the choices she's got. As far as I can see she has these options:

  • beg Essex to take her
  • try to get another university to take her for September
  • get an apprenticeship
  • get a zero hours job
  • get a nannying job abroad or elsewhere
  • go back and do an Access course (which would probably get her into Essex anyway, which is where she could have gone in the first place)
StarUtopia · 29/08/2017 16:21

Going against the grain here...I would say if she wants to resit, let her. Different college, new teachers, fresh start. She's admitted herself she didn't do enough revision. Minimum 8 weeks revising 3 hours a day yet barely any schools will tell their pupils that. Needs a proper revision timetable!

What do she want to do after uni? She's going to need better grades that that to do a career with Biology surely?

She needs a lot of love at the minute. Take some time out = both of you. Let her see this thread.

ImperialBlether · 29/08/2017 16:31

She wasn't even attending every lesson, Star. That always the biggest flag for a teacher - it shows that the student isn't interested in learning. Re-sits typically get a worse or equal grade - I would think it wasn't worth it here.

frenchfancy · 29/08/2017 16:38

I think you need to take September as being a new start. You have been giving her money up to now, but September is a new school year. Stop all funding except for food (including stopping paying for her phone), and tell her that you will support her as a student but otherwise she needs to get a job.

Then back off. It is now her life, you have done all you can. I have an 18 year old DD so I know how difficult it is. I want to help her make decisions, give her all the options, but we need to back off and let them make their own mistakes.

titchy · 29/08/2017 16:44

What french says. Essex will always be there next year once she's realised her mistake turning it down

lazymum99 · 29/08/2017 18:11

I assume Essex know what they are doing but Biomed is a difficult course with C, C, D. Has she got AS maths? What is the D in?
DS1's degree overlapped with boomed in the first year and he has a maths A level and found the statistics etc hard.

Original poster
campingismyjam17 · 29/08/2017 18:48

lazymum, thank you. I'm not sure what she got for AS maths but she found it hard so did drop it.

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Original poster
campingismyjam17 · 29/08/2017 18:49

Frenchfancy, that is what I was thinking of doing.

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Original poster
campingismyjam17 · 29/08/2017 18:50

She's thinking of teaching StarUtopia which is quite ironic.

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Original poster
campingismyjam17 · 29/08/2017 18:52

SummerKelly, I'm hoping a year out will help her make up her mind but she will need to work.

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Original poster
campingismyjam17 · 29/08/2017 18:56

Thanks everyone.

We did talk today, not about her results but about why she has been so upset/angry. She has been back in touch with her ex and he has got back inside her head and it's upset her all over again. She is with him now, I don't know why as he is quite a bit older (27) and we haven't been happy about it from the start.I can't see there being a good outcome to this but thanks anyway.

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Original poster
campingismyjam17 · 29/08/2017 18:58

Lazy mum, sorry, forgot to say the D was in History. At one stage they were confident she could get an A. The C's are in Biology and Chemistry.

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Original poster
campingismyjam17 · 29/08/2017 19:00

As difficult as it is to read, I think ImperialBlether is pretty much spot on.

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