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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Disappointing A level results. . .what next?

43 replies

campingismyjam17 · 29/08/2017 09:13

Just that really. Daughter was predicted an A, B, B in Biology, Chemistry and History. I thought an A, B, C was more realistic and as the year progressed I would have been happy with a B, B, C.

She wanted to take a year off(I was happy with this) and study Biology at Kent.

She got a C, C, D and I am really disappointed. She went through clearing and was offered a place at Essex to go this year which she has turned down.

Currently she is hating on me and I don't know what I have done. We are barely talking and I don't know how to get pass this as every time I try to talk to her , just generally, she bites my head off! It is never the right time, she is always on her phone or getting ready to go out or out. I have been giving her money to go out but I don't have a bottomless purse and I have told her this.

She knows how I feel about her exams but I was prepared to try and help her but she won't face anything. She had absolutely excellent teachers who really tried to help her but as I was working I wasn't always aware of how many lessons she was missing until I started getting missed calls on my phone from the school and letters in the post. She always had an answer though and I tried to trust her.I thought she was managing things.

She had a little weekend job which I supported her in giving up so she could revise.I kept her 15 yr old gamer brother quiet so she could revise. I didn't put any demands on her and tried to make sure she had everything she said she needed.

Now she has admitted she just wasn't prepared and didn't do enough but her attitude sucks. She is almost defiant, there is no remorse she hasn't really claimed this and is not doing anything about it.

If she had got decent enough grades I would have been happy for her to get a little job and or try and get some work experience, do some volunteering and get ready to go next year.

I have stressed that she didn't have to go to Uni but she was always fixed on the idea. I just don't know what went wrong. She was saying she was feeling disillusioned for a while and I get that you can get tired of studying but she was well capable of keeping up and wasn't struggling with the work she just lost interest.She had her first real boyfriend at the beginning of the year. They have since split up and she was very upset(still is) and I was trying to help her get over him.This all happened after the exams. We used to be close, she used to tell me things, she talked to me a lot. Not any more.

What can I do today? I just want to be able to talk to her without getting my head bitten off. We need to address this and I will help her but she seems under the impression that she can do resits. I can't see her doing this, as, if she wasn't interested enough to do it this year how will she be, repeating work? She'll just be bored surely.

Her school doesn't do resits so she will have to go to a college I guess and there will be a cost involved. If she has to do 3 full A levels (I don't know how this works) she won't be able to work so where will her money for going out come from?

I am just really upset and tearful about how she is at the moment she just seems so angry.

Advice please.

OP posts:

gamerpigeon · 29/08/2017 19:05

Does she not want to go to uni now because she'll be apart from him?

Is he her first proper boyfriend? First boyfriend syndrome is horrible. I stayed with mine for 3 years even though he was a massive tool, it wasn't til I got away from him at uni that I realised I could do so much better.

RandomMess · 29/08/2017 19:07

Can she not accept the uni place and defer for a year? She can go back through UCAS next year. Get her to look hard for lab work?

Original poster

campingismyjam17 · 29/08/2017 19:07

Gamerpigeon, I think this probably has a lot to do with it, the timing sucks, she met him last NYE.

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Original poster

campingismyjam17 · 29/08/2017 19:08

Not sure RandomMess.

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RandomMess · 29/08/2017 19:11

I know my DD did this. I think she's ended up going to a different uni altogether though in the end!

Doing a BTEC or apprenticeship are other options...

Original poster

campingismyjam17 · 29/08/2017 19:25

Thanks Random, I am currently looking into gaining some work experience for her and looking to book a couple of career type days. I know she should be doing this but I can always present her with what I find. She was very, very good at Liverpool doing her lab week. She had to do a presentation on the last day which was a massive thing for her with her history of anxiety but she did it and she did it well. I might see if she has any contact info for that week, it won't hurt and something might come of it.

OP posts:

ChipInTheSugar · 29/08/2017 19:35

I feel for you OP. My DD did similarly to yours in A Levels but is now at the "I don't know what I want to do" stage. She had an unconditional offer but isn't sure she wants to go to uni at all

I don't want to push her either way but I can't take the chance of letting her not go to uni with no other back up plan! She will rot in bed whilst all her peers are getting on with their lives.

I feel that if she genuinely doesn't know, then she might as well be not knowing at uni, iyswim, and will stand a better chance at anything with a degree under her belt.

Sorry for the hijack!

Original poster

campingismyjam17 · 29/08/2017 19:46

That's how I feel ChipInTheSugar. She currently sleeps til early afternoon, gets up, gets ready, goes out , comes in almost as we are getting up and repeats.

OP posts:

ChipInTheSugar · 29/08/2017 20:30

Mine's just back from a festival so we've got a couple of days of "festival blues" - and then she will have to knuckle down and do something.

I'm conscious this is the same point in my life that I fell out with my DM and didn't speak for two years so that's stopping me going in all guns blazing, but ffs, MAKE A DECISION!!

frenchfancy · 29/08/2017 20:39

I sometimes wonder where change and progress have got us. Once we mothers would be happy to see our daughters married off at 18, having a 27 year old suitor would be seen as something solid and dependable, and a daughter who wanted to continue her education would at best be seen as an odd ball.

Now when they don't study and don't get the grades we tear our hair out wondering what will become of them.

We can't win. I wonder if the Dads lose as much sleep over their DDs future as we do??

BubblesBuddy · 29/08/2017 21:03

It seems there has been a massive shift in attitude from 6 A*s at GCSE to CCD at A level. So can this be put right? It does not sound like retakes are going to float her boat or the degree at Essex. Perhaps she just wants a local job to be near her boyfriend? Sometimes parents/schools just cannot make children do what is expected of them and if they make a wrong decision now, it can be put right later. Try and talk about the options available at home because I do not think she wants to leave the boyfriend. It's somewhat immature and she may regret it but it's her regret, not yours.

annandale · 29/08/2017 21:10

She sounds overwhelmed by adulthood. I worry a bit that she is thinking about settling down with the 27 year old and having babies - it might seem easier than all this harsh reality...

Original poster

campingismyjam17 · 29/08/2017 21:17

Definitely not Frenchfancy. He knows what he wants(to settle down and have kids in next 3 yrs or so)She is just starting out. He is well travelled, goes to a lot of concerts etc. She is just starting out.If she were 28 and he 37 it would be different.

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Original poster

campingismyjam17 · 29/08/2017 21:27

Annandale, she was always adamant that she didn't want children but this may have changed. She has changed so much since she has been with him.

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Original poster

campingismyjam17 · 29/08/2017 21:30

Bubblesbuddy I agree. She says they have split up but perhaps she is hoping for a reconciliation.

OP posts:

Sofabitch · 29/08/2017 21:33

I've just done biomed. Its not a course for rhe unenthused. It has a huge amount of contact hours compared to other courses. I had 25-30 hours in my first year. Compared to my friedns 10 Its a really full on course. If her hearts not in it she will struggle.

Original poster

campingismyjam17 · 29/08/2017 21:36

Sofabitch that's really good to know thank you. I have a lot to think about from posting on here.

OP posts:

TynesideBlonde · 29/08/2017 21:47

She should really have a hard think about taking at least a year out. She will get a uni offer somewhere but it's £9k a year (plus interest) and she knows she's not in study mode. Even resits should be considered carefully of her heart isn't in it.
I believe level 3 (A level level as it were) is only fundable once unless it's an entirely different subject - so a BTEC in another field could work. Or maybe just 2 a level resits plus a job?
Education and training is sadly not a hobby these days - she needs an end game to help her take the right next steps
(I work in HE but am not a student finance expert)

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