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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

My DD keeps bringing men home!

66 replies

agathal2 · 23/08/2017 02:50

My DD is 18, everytime she goes on a night out she'll bring back a bloke! Im too embarrased to say anything to her because she would start making excuses like why are spying on me, you shouldnt even be awake at that time etc and make me feel like an idiot. Its always pretty loud and its not like im gonna storm into her room while shes doing it! (im a single mom and shes the only child in the house as my older DS has moved in with his girlfriend a few months ago and I dont speak to their father anymore). I literally dont know what to do.

OP posts:

KeepCalm · 24/08/2017 06:48

Lol @highinthesky absolutely spot on

Out2pasture · 24/08/2017 06:48

it's just not acceptable safety wise to have random people come to your home. you could be robbed blind by one of these fellows. imagine you telling the police officer the story....my daughter has these fellows come by, no I don't know their name, no I don't know what they look like...
does your daughter know their names, addresses etc?

Original poster

agathal2 · 24/08/2017 06:53

They're one night standers of course she wouldnt know their names!!!!

OP posts:

Gwilt160981 · 24/08/2017 06:57

Put your foot down. Its your house. Tell her to stop treating it like a brothel.

Lauralou69 · 24/08/2017 07:56

My daughter ever tells me to stfu in my own house then within 30 minutes a bag would be packed and taxi called......your daughter is an entitled bitch!

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 24/08/2017 08:02

So you're not going to parent her at all; you've simply moved from completely ignoring it to "I'm telling your father on you".

anon97528996 · 24/08/2017 08:05

Tell her the noise is unacceptable, how would she like it if you did the same, etc. But honestly it's a good sign she's bringing them home - she'd be in a lot more danger if she was forced to stay out or go to a strangers house. Lots of teenagers act like this, it doesn't mean there's anything wrong now or in the long run. If you're uncomfortable tell her, and try and keep an open dialogue between you.

Original poster

agathal2 · 24/08/2017 09:08

How is it a good sign?

OP posts:

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 24/08/2017 11:21

I think the PP means it's the lesser of two evils in that she's on safe territory as opposed to being under some random's roof.

It's not about her having a sex life though is it, this is about her personal safety, sexual health and her respect and consideration for you as both her parent and as her housemate.

You need to talk to her yourself and make yourself very clear, including telling her in no uncertain terms that you won't be spoken to like that and if she can't behave in a civil and mindful fashion then the attached applies.

Jedimum1 · 24/08/2017 22:39

Did you talk to her dad, OP?

scarletpopapil · 25/08/2017 10:45

Well when I was 18 I was in uni accommodation and had quite a few one night stands. It's not a terrible thing for a young adult to do. But it's not on to bring them back to a shared house if not everyone's comfortable about having randoms around overnight. And it's not on to wake people up with your noise.

I don't think your approach is going to go over all that well though, OP. She's been doing this for a while and you've not said anything out of embarrassment. So presumably she either didn't know you had noticed or didn't think you minded. Then you bring it up for literally the first time and go straight to 'do it again and you're living with your dad'. Did you try and explain why you're not happy about it? Did you try and understand where she's coming from and why she didn't think it would be a problem? Did you ask her how she'd feel if you started bringing home a different stranger every weekend?

specialsubject · 25/08/2017 13:18

Stupid way to behave, bringing unknowns back for drunken sex. In a shared house, totally unacceptable.

It stops or she leaves and pays for her own shag pad. If she can afford this level of partying cash clearly isn't an issue.

Batteriesallgone · 25/08/2017 13:51

Well I don't know, in our uni shared house we used to do it so it's not always totally unacceptable!

lacebell10 · 30/08/2017 13:09

I think you need to sit down and have a house pow wow. If she is able to pay rent and contribute half of bills and food costs then it is fair that you treat her as an adult flatmate and agree rules including cleaning rota, chore rota and as part of that talk ground rules for visitors etc.
If she's not willing to pay halves and the chore rota thend she's not grown up enough to have sleepovers without prior agreement.
Different generations and extreme my 2nd cousin only got a key to the door when he was 78 and mum in hospital.

HerbWoman · 04/09/2017 14:13

Sounds as if she is happy giving random men her house key so they can let themselves out if you've found the keys posted back through the letterbox, which I would also have a big problem with.

If she won't discuss this reasonably with you and come to agree that she can't carry on doing this, then if it were me I'd me making myself as annoying and embarrassing as possible (cup of tea when they're finished kind of thing, or a running commentary). But I wouldn't have anywhere else to send my DD so you do at least have that option.

JustDanceAddict · 08/09/2017 16:49

No way in a million years would I let either of my kids do this.
Explain why it's potentially dangerous and makes you feel uncomfortable.
She's not a student at uni who can do what she pleases, she's at home in her mum's house - big difference.

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