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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

My DD keeps bringing men home!

66 replies

agathal2 · 23/08/2017 02:50

My DD is 18, everytime she goes on a night out she'll bring back a bloke! Im too embarrased to say anything to her because she would start making excuses like why are spying on me, you shouldnt even be awake at that time etc and make me feel like an idiot. Its always pretty loud and its not like im gonna storm into her room while shes doing it! (im a single mom and shes the only child in the house as my older DS has moved in with his girlfriend a few months ago and I dont speak to their father anymore). I literally dont know what to do.

OP posts:

LonginesPrime · 23/08/2017 16:35

Could you be waiting up for them next time in a dressing gown and fluffy bunny slippers and get him into a long conversation?

Mrscropley · 23/08/2017 16:37

Greet them at her bedroom door am with tea and toast. . She will be mortified and hopefully get the hint. .

Lauralou69 · 23/08/2017 16:45

Or just start having loud sex yourself, generally misbehaving, late night strip poker with your mates....maybe start a swinging club.....leave sex toys on the kitchen sink......she might get the message.........

BoomBoomsCousin · 23/08/2017 20:07

She's 18 and if what she likes is a different man every week, that's her look out really. Not everyone wants a committed relationship when they're 18. Some people like variety. But I don't think you do her any favours letting her think it's all fine when she lives with you and her (and her partners') behaviour is disturbing you on a practical level. Living with others is a two-way street that requires a bit of give and take - something she needs to learn.

AnyFucker · 23/08/2017 20:09

Who is the parent here ?

Viviennemary · 23/08/2017 20:10

No she can't bring strangers in to be overnight guests. No way should you allow this. And she shouldn't be working her way through a succession of men. Not under your roof anyway.

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 23/08/2017 20:12

Second AF

With the situation you describe even a flatmate would be having a word.

If she's not embarrassed to be living like this in a shared space, why are you too embarrassed to speak up?

chowmeinchick · 23/08/2017 20:17

When I was 18, I'd been wth my boyfriend for 3 years and had a baby, so was a lot more grown up than my friends and didn't really 'experience' the partying and being younger, but fuck me.. going out on the piss and bringing one night stands home to my mums, not a chance in hell.

I'd be telling her straight that it's not acceptable. How disgusting.

Flicketyflack · 23/08/2017 20:25

You are not happy with her behaviour and it is your house. I think you need to speak with her about it. If she had her own home she could do what she likes but it isn't it is yours and you are not happy with what she is doing.

Are you happy with how she is behaving from a moral point of view (different issue). Personally I would be worried if my DD was behaving like this but that is to do with my own views on one night stands. But I appreciate all parents have different views.

Would she be happy to hear you having sex with a different person every week?

I wonder if you are embarrassed to talk with her about it that this enables her to continue this behaviour as she knows it will go unchallenged.

It is your house and your rules!

Cheekyandfreaky · 23/08/2017 20:35

Hi OP, I guess it does depend on how much she is contributing in rent. If you had a tenant paying you rent then you wouldn't presumably stop them having a ONS.

Clearly your daughter and you should talk about this as adults though. I think you can express concern about poor choices but as a young single rent paying adult with no responsibilities, I can see that she might not take kindly to changing her lifestyle unless she wants to. Maybe you should ask her to move out?

Original poster

agathal2 · 23/08/2017 20:55

Update: I went to speak to her about it and she was playing the "I dont know what your on about game" and I just said look if I hear you do it one more time then your moving in with your father (she doesnt like her fathers partner so am I being to harsh with this punishment? And I know she would never have one night stands in her fathers house) . After I told her all of this she told me to stfu and stormed into her room.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 23/08/2017 21:03

So...you will follow through on your threat then ?

WanderingTrolley1 · 23/08/2017 21:14

Blimey.

She doesn't appear to have any respect for you whatsoever.

Jedimum1 · 23/08/2017 21:22

Tell her father? Have a family meeting?

DownstairsMixUp · 23/08/2017 21:57

Blimey 18 or not my dad would of had more than that to say if I told him to shut the fuck up. You need to stand up for yourself op. I would not tolerate strangers coming into my house!

LaurieFairyCake · 23/08/2017 22:59

I would not allow this as I'd feel unsafe with an unknown man in the house.

I might feel differently if I had lockable bedroom doors, my own en suite and escape exit, and for some reason EVERY VALUABLE I OWNED in my bedroom with me.

Otherwise fuck no, not a chance, fucking move out.

GriefLeavesItsMark · 23/08/2017 23:04

This sounds like a very difficult situation.

GlitterGlassEye · 23/08/2017 23:12

Your daughter is treating you like shit. Not a chance in hell would there be strangers coming and going out of MY home under her drunken/impaired say so. It would be different if it was a long-term relationship and you had an opinion on the person staying overnight.

Tell her no more or move out. I bet things improve dramatically.

AnyFucker · 23/08/2017 23:14

I don't see the difficulty at all

I make no judgement about an 18 yo woman having a varied sex life.

But rubbing my nose in it in this way ? No chance, no argument. She stops or she leaves. Your name on the rent/ mortgage....your decision whether the gaffe is used as a not very discreet shag pad for your dependent offspring.

Batteriesallgone · 24/08/2017 03:42

Well that escalated quickly.

Why jump to an ultimatum. Is it completely impossible to have a calm adult conversation with her?

Original poster

agathal2 · 24/08/2017 03:44

Ive absolutely had enough, Im gonna call her father later so he can give her a talk.

OP posts:

Batteriesallgone · 24/08/2017 03:54

Hang on, she's done this loads yet you've only just raised it and now you're going to get her dad involved?

IMO that's bang out of order. You should have said when she started that you didn't like it, put warnings in place etc.

Gong straight from no problem to threatening eviction is a horribly unpredictable way to behave and risks causing massive issues between you.

Out2pasture · 24/08/2017 04:00

OP I'm just not seeing "I'm going to tell daddy" as a viable solution.

AnyFucker · 24/08/2017 06:37

You are not acting like a parent I am afraid

Notreallyarsed · 24/08/2017 06:42

The thought of taking anyone back to my parents house for a jump is just something that never, ever crossed my mind mostly because they'd have kicked my arse for treating their house like that. It's a matter of respect OP, if she wants to have a home where she can do as she pleases as an adult, she needs to get her own home.
Having an active sex life at her age is fine, bringing loads of random men into your home when it makes you feel uncomfortable and telling you to shut the fuck up is not. However I think involving her dad is a bit shit and a cop out. You're the parent. Tell her it stops or she leaves. It really is that simple.

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