16 year old son curfew

[janeylou25]

What time is it acceptable for your 16 year old son to be out without letting you know he is going to be late home and is not answering his phone?

He is usually a responsible 16 year old and will tell me if he is going to be late. Not sure if I'm over reacting at 9.30 pm? It's not so much the time as the fact he isn't answering my text or phone call!

Omg 9.30pm

He is SIXTEEN

Time not an issue, communication is. I would be annoyed too.

Midnight when mine was 16, now 17 and I just want a text if not coming home at all.

9.30? Oh come on, OP! He's old enough to get married!

I think it's OK to have different rules for school nights, for holidays and for weekends, but you've got to be reasonable. What's he doing? My son used to just walk around from house to house picking up and dropping off friends, from what I could tell!

I agree op, that he should communicate. That would piss me off.

Thanks for your replies. It's the lack of communication more than the time as I realise 9.30 pm is early for a 16 year old.

Just wish he would let me know that's all.

09.30pm? Seriously? At 16?

No curfew as such, but Ds had a rule that he had to text by 11pm if he was going to be out later than midnight. We live rurally so he always cycled, and I would have visions of him being knocked off his bike.

Trouble was half the time he "forgot" to text and the rest of the time the texts didn't get through because we have crap signal.

I think you really need to let go of the reins a bit OP.

No curfew for mine at 16 just a text required to let me know when or if they would be home before I locked up (around 11pm) It seemed to be the norm amongst their friends I don't remember any of their friends having an early curfew tbh.

Ds is 16, he isn't allowed just to go out without letting us know where he'll be. It's fine to start off at a mate's and then go somewhere from there, but he's to text and let us know first. It depends on the day and what's going on as to what time he needs to be home. It's the same as dh or me being out,we call to say what are plans are. It's basic communication.

Iirc you can get married at 16 with parents' permission, can't you?

No parental consent required in Scotland for marriage at 16.

I'd be annoyed about the not answering texts too.

Well he isn't trying to get married in Scotland so it doesn't really matter. He's living in a family and needs to let them know he's alive and a vague time of when he's returning. As dame said, like the adult members of the house also do.

My DS is now 42 but at 16 I didn't really give him a curfew so long as I knew where he was and, if he wasn't coming home, where he'd be staying.

I get the lack of communication being frustrating, my 16 year old is the same and it drives me mad.
My rule is a phone call or text by 11pm to let me know if he will be home or not so I can lock up and go to bed. He generally sticks to this.

DD no curfew but usually gets home between 11-1 she has to text by 10 to let me know plans, this often requires several messages from me first!

I must be in the minority here but I think 16 is too young to have no curfew. My son is currently 15 and has to be home between 9-9.30. We live in a medium size village and I expect to know where he is, I track him via his phone and don't think that there any reason for him to be out any later at the moment as our village does has problems with teenagers displaying anti-social behavior and vandalism. He is still a child not an adult. Things may change once he has left school and at college.

Mine had a curfew at sixteen although not that early and it was open to discussion if they had plans. I would never track their phones I think that's an invasion of privacy and doesn't exactly foster a trusting relationship between parent and child.
At sixteen though they can have sex ,a baby and get married without permission in Scotland so why would a parent think that it's reasonable to give them a curfew? IME it's better to build good relationships rather than try and impose rules and curfews. On my fifth teen now and never had any trouble from any of them using this theory.

at fifteen they had a curfew not sixteen

I track the phone because I have been lied to in the past, I have also been told he was sleeping somewhere and by looking at the phone tracker I caught him out that he wasn't even in the same village where he told us he was staying. I don't see it as an invasion of privacy more as a tool for safeguarding. I don't believe he has a right to be private about where he is staying and where he is - he is my child and it is important that I know where he is.

As many others have said, it's not about the time, it's about the lack of communication.
If mine were expected home by 5pm and weren't there by 6pm, then I would be wondering where they were / what had happened.
If I knew they were round at friend A's house, or all meeting somewhere to do anything, then I wouldn't be worried as long as I knew they were OK for getting home.
Curfew is perhaps the wrong question, as it's not about timing, it's about not communicating.

But Tania you proved you didn't trust him by tracking his phone and so he lived down to your expectations. I totally agree that you should know where he is staying etc because I expected the same from my dc too. Where we differed though is that I worked hard at building a relationship with them where they knew they could be open and honest with me without fear that I'd lose my rag or try and catch them out.
Pretty sure I wasn't lied to or deceived because they had no fear about telling me the truth no matter what. Surely it's better to have that trust because after all tracking a phone is pretty pointless if he's given it to a mate in the right spot to do whatever he wants without your knowledge.

fleshmarketclose - I don't believe that there is a teenager in the world that hasn't told their parents a lie. Believe it or not but I too have worked hard at building a relationship with my children and I felt that your comment there was harsh. I did trust my son however I found out about some behaviour that he was engaged in which was far from trustworthy and potentially very dangerous. Therefore, in my view, I am being a proactive parent by doing my very best to ensure that he doesn't go down the wrong path as I have already seen many of the other boys he was engaged with progress to more dangerous activities (I am sure you can guess what I am talking about). I have the highest expectations for my son and I know that he is better than some of the past activities he was doing. The problem is wide spread across our village and neighbouring ones and in my view if more parents kept a closer eye on their teenagers there would be less issues. He is back on the right path and together as a family we have supported him to make the right choices and it is truly scary. I am lucky because I found out what was going on through another invasion of his privacy lol (I read a text message) while other parents don't even know and/or turn a blind eye or don't care or too them it isn't serious. At the moment I don't trust him and it's going to be a while before I do. For example he asked to sleep out tonight at a neighbouring village at a house where I don't know the teenagers parents, my first instinct was "no" but I have since contacted the other boys parents and it's all above board, I would not have gone to such lengths before the "incident" and taken it all on trust. It's babysteps at the moment but I am sure that we will get there and until we do he will be in by 9.30 lol x

I don't see it as an invasion of privacy more as a tool for safeguarding. I don't believe he has a right to be private about where he is staying and where he is - he is my child and it is important that I know where he is

Completely agree.

No curfew is necessary at 16, but it is courteous to let other members of your household know more-or-less where you are whether you're 16 or 60.

It's not ok to ignore texts that request a quick response, whatever age you are. No one is too busy to type "I'm with Joe Bloggs. Back at 10pm". Obviously, the son of the poster with a poor rural signal has a bit of leeway here!