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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Screen/ phone time limits in school holidays

28 replies

SunshineAndSmile · 21/07/2017 02:32

I am keen to set limits to screen time for the school holidays. DCs 14 & 11 will just spend all day glued to her phone if left unchecked. What are sensible limits at this age? Has anyone used apps for this?

I know whatever I decide will be deemed grossly unfair but I just can't face a summer with lazy, grumpy phone zombies.

TIA

OP posts:

Methenyouplus4 · 23/07/2017 08:20

I think we are going to go for about 20 mins in morn, 20 mins around dinner time and an hour whenever they like (DS is 13). Hopefully having a few chances throughout the day means he won't feel he's missing out on chats with friends etc.

Should say that the one hour we ask him to set a timer so we don't argue about how long he's had and this hour is also time to go on his PS. Other than that, no screens except TV.

We do this during term time except only 20mins when he gets in from school and an hour whenever he wants. On a Friday (or if friends are over), he's allowed much longer.

perhapsiwill · 23/07/2017 08:28

Two and a half hours in the holidays, setting timer. Whatever time of day. Includes all screens. They don't really watch TV.

pynk · 23/07/2017 09:33

I had a free for all from about 14 but they did a lot of other things and most of their screen time was active play time. I.e. Playing MARIO party with each other. They weren't into social media crap so I did t need to worry about that too much.

I think the 20 min slots would be massively irritating for you and them.

Depending on their devices you can set up parental controls with timers in that automatically limit them to say 2 hours a day to be used whenever or between X hour and Y hour. That would be better than having to manage it yourself.

I used timer when they were younger with a five minute warning. If they complained they lost the devise for the next day and if they still complained they lost the device for the week. MyDC knew I didn't faff around with fake threats so I never had to actually enforce a week ban.

I think treating the 11 and 14 year old the same is not a good idea either.

Cric · 23/07/2017 09:56

What about if they were allowed a full charge every x amount of days? I don't know how long an iPad charge lasts! Then they have control over the chunks they use it but overall you have control over the screen time??

Original poster

SunshineAndSmile · 23/07/2017 10:26

TBH it's the 14 year old I am most concerned with, she would spend all day on her phone if I let her. Whatever I do will be met with eye rolling and cries of unfairness. It's just difficult trying to keep track of the time when she is in her room. I think a specific time in the morning, afternoon and evening would work best. Does anyone know how to set up parental controls on iPhones for this?

OP posts:

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 23/07/2017 10:36

I'm letting DS get on with it. These days it's all about phones, games consoles, computers, social media et al. and it gives him the opportunity to keep in touch with his mates without hanging out in the town or parks doing nothing. He'll meet up with them a few times, but they've planned actual activities for that. If I want him off the things then I'm going to have to get off Mumsnet, get off my own arse and actually do something with him!

pynk · 23/07/2017 11:43

OP, does she use 3G or Wifi for her phone?

If you look up iOS parental controls online then there are plenty of good sites. There are real 'idiots guides' with videos etc if that's needed . There are also third party apps that can limit usage

I think it's well worth the time setting it up as then it's dealt with. Otherwise you will be battling your DD every single day. The one thing you have to do is NOT give your DD the password (and also you mustn't lose the password.)

I think the 20 minute slots are too short and too prescriptive - maybe something like a two hours whenever you fancy over the course of the day would be better. She might want to be online when her friends are.

If she does t watch tv then I'd perhaps even go for a longer time. 🤷🏻‍♀️

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 23/07/2017 12:01

DS is 14 and doesn't have a set time limit any more: he has to learn to self-regulate. He is pretty good at it, actually, and has read five books this week, so I can't complain!

Blanketdog · 23/07/2017 15:38

I'm thinking of screen free time from 12-5pm....both are 14.

LockedOutOfMN · 23/07/2017 15:52

I haven't read the whole thread, but I think your idea is great, OP. I would suggest 1 hour in the morning (e.g. before you finish eating lunch, say 2pm) and 2 hours in the afternoon / evening (i.e. after 2pm). Possibly your 14 year old could have 30 minutes more.

I'm a secondary school teacher and the number one thing parents chat to me about is teenagers addicted to phones. I find that the phone can actually be something of a burden to teenagers and that having it removed for some hours actually lets them relax properly (or engage in another activity).

duvet · 23/07/2017 16:39

I try and do no screen afternoons in the hols, so from about 12 til 6 ish. It's worth discussing a plan with them sometimes. Mine tend to get on board with the idea more then.

Blanketdog · 24/07/2017 08:09

I do screen free evening during term time. It's amazing to see the activities they come up with when the screens are removed. No battles over homework either!

BeyondThePage · 24/07/2017 08:20

mine self regulate (DDs 15 and 16), they have their phones with them all day, but don't feel the need to sit looking at them.

They do lots of stuff though - swimming, running, walking the dog, chores, piano. DD16 is doing NCS for 4 weeks. DD15 away with cadets for 2. We play board games for 3 hours twice a week, they take a book up to bed (our "rule" is no screens in the bedroom)

It is all well saying limit screen time, but the hours have to be filled somehow too. My friend has limits on her teens - so they stay in bed til gone noon, screens in the afternoon and hang out drinking cider in the park in the evening with their phones anyhow.

If you want to limit screen time, there needs to be something they want to do sometimes - sometimes they need to be bored and inventive, but not for days and days and days...

Allington · 24/07/2017 08:32

I agree with beyond - they need some planned activities as well as time for constructive boredom AND screen time.

I don't need to change the boundaries for DD (no screen time after supper) as she is in various holiday clubs most days in the week (i.e. while I was at work) and I made sure we did something active (even if just Sunday School) for the morning at the weekend.

So she does get more screen time than usual in the holidays, but combined with other activities - and the holidays are time to indulge a bit, just as I might indulge with a boxed set of DVDs. (In fact she loves watching basic gymnastics on youtube and then trying to copy it in the garden - so watching also increases her activity/ flexibility levels!).

Blanketdog · 24/07/2017 09:26

So some kids can self regulate and some can't! Imo a child who would spend all their waking hours on screens need help to break the habit, that could be just providing distracting activities every day or a time restriction or a combination of both.

lazycrazyhazy · 24/07/2017 11:14

We didn't have mobiles or lap tops when my children were teens. But we only allowed an hour a day TV so they'd save it to watch Neighbours or whatever. They did spend hours in the evenings on the landline though planning where to go. How the works has changed since the Millennium!

pynk · 24/07/2017 12:33

So some kids can self regulate and some can't!

This is so true. I think screen times and general parental control over laptops/phones etc is an area where you really need to 'play the child you have' rather than making some arbitrary one size fits all rules.

Plummer88 · 24/07/2017 20:45

My daughter has sat on her bed today for 6 hours and watched rubbish on YouTube sigh. She's been told tomorrow no YouTube because of it. I don't get how they do it!

Dancergirl · 25/07/2017 12:19

Really interesting thread. My dds are 16 and 14 and love their phones/social media. In term time I insist on phones going off by 10pm at the latest.

I haven't thought about school holidays yet. Dd1 has been pretty busy - NCS just after exams finished, and for the next 2 weeks she is involved with a youth dance production. So I guess I won't put in too many restrictions as she won't have much phone time as it is.

Dd2 is doing a drama course this week so similar.

It does annoy me when we are watching tv as a family and they are fiddling with their phones, I've started to put a stop to that.

pynk · 25/07/2017 14:29

It does annoy me when we are watching tv as a family and they are fiddling with their phones, I've started to put a stop to that

I'm all for no phone fiddling when you are talking with other people but I don't mind if it's when we are watching the tv - it's meant to be relaxing and enjoyable down time so I don't mind if the kids are half watching the tv - its being together that matters and I think it's a bit harsh having rules.

It's one thing if they are little but as teens then I think it's ok.

I have to admit that I'll often be on my iPad or phone when the tv is on.

greyfriarskitty · 25/07/2017 14:32

DD a bit younger, but we have borrowed someone else's rules, which is no screen time until you have read a book, done something creative and done some exercise/gone outside to be active. Also no phones/iPads upstairs yet. This does get relaxed if she has a friend over and they want to play on the Xbox together or something.

WaxOnFeckOff · 25/07/2017 14:48

I don't have limits on mine and haven't for many years. DH and I both work and they are in the house. Instead of limiting screen time we have rules of what other stuff must be done.

By the time I get home, they need to have had both breakfast and lunch, had a shower and got dressed, cleared up after themselves and done a few small chores and also have been outside for at least an hour, even if that is a walk to the shops to buy crap.

Outwith that then they have whatever screen time they want. Sometimes being on line with friends culminates in a meet up to some other activity so if their allocated 20 minutes didn't happen to coincide with that then they will miss out.

Are you at home OP so that you can enforce the rules?

Also if my two are in their own space being on line with their own friends then it limits down the opportunity for them falling out/arguing/fighting, so they rarely have any issues and choose to spend their outdoor time together.

This has been the routine since they were about 12/13 and they are now 17/16, both do well in school and don't give me any bother at all - neither watch tv.

Blanketdog · 25/07/2017 15:00

On phones and watching films is a infuriating - they keep asking what has happened because they aren't paying attention!

pynk · 25/07/2017 16:52

My 22 year old is home from Uni and is sitting in the room next to me laughing and laughing. He's playing some crappy game online with his brother who is at the other end of the country and a group of their mutual friends. He is having an absolute blast. its quite sweet really 😊

I know you have to have screen time limits for children and adolescents but I something's think people have an overly negative view of kids sitting alone obsessively playing awful game where in reality it can be very sociable and lots and lots of fun.

Titsywoo · 26/07/2017 21:14

I don't do time limits anymore. During term time they aren't allowed on until 6pm so homework etc gets done and we get a chance to chat etc. I find setting limits just ends up with them desperate to get on it all the time and since my son is ASD he uses it to wind down. They also socialise a lot on them - via skype etc so not much different from me being on the phone all the time as a teen. I do however plan stuff to do everyday (they are out most of the 2 days I work with grandparents) so we get out and about for a good 6 hours or so. I find they often get bored of using the computers anyway and wander out to chat to us and find something else to do - they NEVER did this when we had time limits.

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