Should I check my 14 year old daughter's phone?

[nomoreheroesanymore]

My daughter is acting very suspiciously over her phone. A couple of days ago her dad asked to borrow it as his had run out of charge. She said no at first - looked very nervous. Then reluctantly said yes - but snatched it back suddenly sAying she had no data.

I have asked her to show me her phone but the browsing history was deleted, and the browser set to 'private' mode. She has also recently changed her password.

Just really worried. At what age is it a violation of privacy?! She would go mad if she thought I'd looked at it.

Think I'm answering my own question here!! For what it's worth, my family all know my phone password.

Oh my God, you're all such pearl clutchers! Will you leave the poor girl alone and stop invading her privacy?! Let her explore the internet. It is a massive betrayal of trust to look through someone's phone. She'll be fine navigating through things on her own.

@Butterful including being groomed ? Should she navigate that on her own?

Your attitude has convinced me more than anyone that I need to check her phone.

I feel your attitude is hugely negligent. Like I said upthread I teach in a secondary school - and see some horrendous things happening to young girls - often parents are unaware.

Far from pearl clutching. It's called parenting your child.

Or if not negligent, then worryingly naive at best.

Oh for God's sake, how many children get groomed?! Are you one of those parents who never let her children play in the neighbourhood in case they got abducted?

Of course it's pearl clutching! And terrible parenting! Let her enjoy herself and fumble through it. You're being extremely controlling - I bet she can't wait to leave home.

Why do you think it's ludicrous not to look at your daughter's phone? Give her some space to explore - stop being so controlling!

I had great fun sexting when I was a teenager, and I would have been mortified if my mither read my phone! Let her explire her sexuality.

You can't just stick a chastity belt on your daughter because you're uncomfortable with her exploring her sexuality. The poor girl!

User...I have experience of being a teenager with a phone - try to stop the moral panic and worst-case-scenario thinking. It's very controlling.

User, why would you think otherwise?

My last msg was re: the "exploring her sexuality".

Nope, I'm not a teenager.

WE MUST PROTECT THE CHILDREN!!

clutches pearls

@Butterful how many children get groomed? Many. I see it in my own school. Many tragic tales of young teenage girls who really believe these boys / men love them. And are pressured into having sex with multiple men. It's life destroying and it happens regularly. I really hope you're not a parent.

Your opinions are bizarre.... pearl clutchers. What nonsense.

I'm not naive. You're having a moral panic.

The vaaaaaast majority of people online aren't getting groomed, they're just having fun. Let her have fun! Stop with the panic!

We all have experiences of being a teenager with a phone. 🙄🙄

I will know she's not being exploited. I hope you can say the same.

@Butterful

You've convinced me more than anyone that checking is a good idea.

Thank you.

We don't all have experience of being a teen with a phone- some of us ancients didn't have such devices until our twenties and certainly not social media.
Honestly? My teens have always been a step ahead in the world of social media and technology, as they are growing up with it. Dd 17 is far more sensible than me, and although she has sent "pics" she has done so in a sensible and thought-out way which I have to admire. Not that I approve- but I won't stop her. Not at 16/17.

Honesty op you sound clued up to a degree, but be careful you don't try to sound like the teen expert to your teen due to your teaching. She isn't a pupil- she is your daughter. And SHE is the expert on her. So ask her. Just sit down directly and talk. Start being open with her about your concerns and your limitations and then maybe she will be honest in turn. It's the only way forward. The minute you exert power over her is the minute you lose her. Anyone who thinks differently is kidding themselves. Teens need guidance and sign posting, yes. But not led by you or forced or coerced. You need to trust your parenting skills to this point and let them go their own way and know you trust them and have their Back. Always.

Sure. This is why I posted here really. I wanted to get it right. It's a fuzzy area.

We have a good relationship - partly due to her father being very controlling.

Thanks.