DD being a nightmare. Tell me I'm not alone

[StaciesMom]

My DD 16 is horrid at the moment.

Was prepared to be understanding while she was doing GCSEs but now they are over, imbue made it clear she can't control me and DS in the way she tries.

I work full time and spend a lot of time with her other than that but she is very demanding. Her main issues is that I shouldn't be allowed to 'go out' on nights when they are at mine and should only organise things for when they're at their dads. I have held firm about this and she is in a very bad mood saying I am a terrible parent and I should be ashamed etc. She's no longer speaking to me.

I am supposed to be going to the cinema tonight but I'm so upset I'm thinking about not going. Please someone tell me this is normal and I haven't messed up with my parenting somewhere along the line?

I spend time with my ds if he asks me to. But not at the expense of me having my own life. He knows the score! I spend 6 hours a week whilst he swim trains with him and endless weekends at galas etc.
We do cinema together - usually films if his choice.
But if I have an arrangement he knows that it works both ways.

You don't always get what you want - so OP wants to watch a film for a couple of hours - no doubt DD has made a huge fuss, when she could've used that time more efficiently and spent quality time with her mum -

My 14 year old doesn't need looking after - she capable of fending for herself for a few hours - OPs DD will be find whatever she 'wants'

Like I said, everyone I know in real life spends time with their children

Please point out where the op has said she doesn't spend any time with her DD?

Quite the opposite. I spend a lot of time with her. Most evenings and most weekends when she is with me. If anything my worry is that she doesn't do enough without me. I love her to pieces but other than work I am usually with her x

You sound nice OP

Don't beat yourself up. Ime teen girls can be Hard Work. And a bit of breathing space is good for both parties

Hi OP she is 16. I sort of remember being it but I definitely knew it when one had just come downstairs and that today EVERYTHING would be bad without even words being said. She'll get over it! You're her mum you should be there exactly at the moment she wants you and bugger of when she doesn't and you are supposed to know this EVERY TIME! I'd rather go to the cinema on my own! She's a good 16 year old and you are a good mother of a 16 year old and more! ( let the weird bitches in MN be weird !)

Don't allow her to dictate your social life and make you feel guilty. Does she spend much time with her friends? My DD is the same age and loves me going out (for all the wrong reasons, free house 😩). She did go through a similar phase last year, basically I suggest plans, she has better offers declines, then decides she wants to on the 1 night I want to go out 🙄.

Can't believe someone finds it weird to meet friends without teenagers, you are entitled to a life away from your DCs. I could invite DD but 1) she'd limit our conversations 2) they are at times an awkward presence 3) thst then doubles your spends and they cost the earth already and finally why should your teens go wherever you are?!

"but I spend time with them when they ask me to, and we do things together" @user1497480444

So does the op. You could at least read her posts properly, they're highlighted just in case you're struggling to see them through your fog of self righteousness. At what point is it ok then for the op to go out without her kids? When they're 25?

This thread is bizzare. God forbid that OP would want to go out on her own, once in a blue moon. MN crime, apparently.

To be fair oblomov, it's just the one person saying that. The rest of us are with op.

My teen DD would be totally mortified to be dragged along to the cinema with me and my friends. In fact she actually avoids being seen in public with me if at all possible, unless it involves shopping or going out to eat. I never see friends out and about with their teenagers constantly at their side.

In the OPs case I wondered if you DD goes out with her friends much? Is she lonely perhaps and relying on you for company?

I wondered that too.

It's hard to tell though as 16YOs are highly likely to be unreasonable. Brain development tends towards to being self-obsessed and lacking in empathy.

Once I was furious with my 15YO DD for saying I never did anything that actually helped her..... as I was making a special trip to a shop with her in the car, for stuff she could have waited for but had kindly agreed to take her then and there. Sometimes it just gets on your nerves.