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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Teenager not wanting to come on holiday

75 replies

littlemissangrypants · 27/05/2017 11:37

For the second year running my 17year old son is not wanting to come on holiday with us. He doesn't want to leave his girlfried (new one to last year btw) so wants to stay home.
We have no family here. His dad had him staying over last year at £200 babysitting money for week but this year is refusing. He has no overnights either and little contact now.
Ds dad has offered to pop over 'sometimes'. My best friend will be on end of phone if ds needs anything. His dad is bleating on about our baby being left alone but wont have him anyway.
I don't know what to do. The options right now seem to be me staying home and dp and my 16 year old going on holiday without me (dp not keen as he's only a step dad and worried). Other option would be asking sons friends and parents for sofa surfing options and maybe asking his girlfriends parents for a couple of nights.
We need a break. Partner has had a very busy work year, little time together so he needs to go. Younger son is doing GCSes and has had to work very hard due to disabilities so could do with a break. I have a heart condition and am not feeling well mentally at moment so could use a break as well.
What should I do? Forcing older son in car will not work as he is likely to get violent. He's a good kid really but has a nasty temper when forced to do things he doesn't want. Another thing to add is that he is likely to have to resit year 12 as he is likely to have failed his math a level.
Sorry it's long. Didn't want to drip feed .

OP posts:

Original poster

littlemissangrypants · 27/05/2017 12:47

Mobile wifi doesn't work. The closest internet access is the pub down the road and it's not great or a 20 minute trip to nearest town. Even receiving calls is difficult.

OP posts:

MrsJayy · 27/05/2017 12:49

I imagine mobile internet will be iffy at best and there is nothing worse than being somewhere with a teenager and the are wandering about searching for signal, from bitter experience of a 16year old on a remote campsite with her face tripping her it is not worth the grief

corythatwas · 27/05/2017 14:00

I would probably just leave him at home if only for a week. No legal problems that I can see.

Otoh if you feel you need his support/presence, you might try to do a reasoned deal, point out that you are always ready to support him (if this is the case, which I assume) and ask him to do this in support of you. I am asking my 17yo to come with me to my family abroad in the summer- elderly parents and there has been a lot of sickness so we all need a sense of family pulling together. He is ok with this because he appreciates the need for an almost adult to be part of the pulling-together, but the whole deal depends on all of us being prepared to negotiate.

Would absolutely never try to manhandle anyone this age into anything, any more than I would expect dh to manhandle me into a place where I didn't want to go. Reasonableness and negotiation and general goodwill - and if that doesn't work, cut your losses.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 27/05/2017 14:10

Does it help to realise that he is legally allowed to leave home and get married?

Kennethwasmyfriend · 27/05/2017 14:21

Letting him stay at home doesn't mean stopping protecting and nurturing him. Be careful you don't smother him by mistake.
There are loads of places in Scotland with peace, hot tubs and great wifi. Your choice to pick this place rather than choose somewhere else more appealing! Which is fine if you like it but then accept he might not want to go.

metalmum15 · 27/05/2017 14:24

I don't think he's ungrateful, not wanting to go. He's growing up, many teenagers don't want to holiday with their mum and dad any more. I was left at home at 17 as I didn't want to do a boring holiday in the Welsh mountains. If he's sensible and you trust him, as long as there's someone nearby who can check up on him, or for emergencies, he'll be fine.

metalmum15 · 27/05/2017 14:24

HSMMaCM · 27/05/2017 16:17

Dd stayed on her own at 17. She was fine. It does depend on the 17 year old though. She wanted to come with us on the next holiday .

OnlyTheDepthVaries · 27/05/2017 19:39

We made DS come on holiday with us when he was 16. Big mistake. Huge. So we didn't go away again for three years as we didn't want to leave him home alone. Another big mistake. I have no idea what we were thinking. We will not be making same mistake when DS2 is older...he can stay at home!!!

BestZebbie · 27/05/2017 23:17

littlemissangrypants: I was living at university at the opposite end of the country to my parents for much of the year I was 17 (I had also been abroad with just one similar-aged friend several years running by then).
It is definitely not "legally iffy" to leave him home alone - remember that he could have been married for a year already, by law!

poppym12 · 27/05/2017 23:42

Let him have some independence, he's 17. He has his own life, friends and plans. Is there any particular reason why you think he's not capable of fending for himself within his home environment whilst you're away?

PatriciaHolm · 27/05/2017 23:50

I can see why you need a uk holiday, but is there any reason you do the same one all the time? Realistically, deep down the boy is probably bored to tears.

He's old enough to leave, leave him.

caffeinestream · 28/05/2017 07:53

Yes you can leave him at home, but is there any reason you can't go somewhere more teen-friendly? Plenty of cottages in Scotland have decent internet and are closer to shops and town than that.

It's obvious it's the kind of holiday you enjoy, which is fine but you can't expect it to be a teenagers idea of fun!

GinSwigmore · 28/05/2017 08:03

Leave him at home. He can fend for a week: cereal/sarnies/pizza. Scotland is still easier to get back from than abroad. Tell him to use condoms.
Enjoy your break.

acornsandnuts · 28/05/2017 08:10

You do know he could be legally married and have a child at this age. Leave him. It might just do him some good not to be babied by you for a week.

cdtaylornats · 28/05/2017 11:16

The owner of the pub I drink in gave in to his 16 year old son and let him stay home alone for a week. The boy got back from seeing them off to find one of his fathers pub bouncers at the house door. One bouncer on the door at all times for a week. Apparently the boy was not impressed.

TreeTop7 · 28/05/2017 16:42

That holiday appeals to me but I see why it doesn't appeal to a 17yo whose gf is at home. Have fun, and don't worry about him, he'll be ok.

SuperFlyHigh · 28/05/2017 16:48

I was staying at home for 2 weeks from 16 years old with my 2 years younger brother whilst parents went away.

Your son will be fine!

I think he'd be more keen to go to Loch Ness with the GF if you both weren't there and enjoy all the outdoor activities including shagging GF in the hot tub...

specialsubject · 28/05/2017 18:23

Leave at home with a big box of condoms.

Blogwoman · 28/05/2017 19:53

Agree with others that he's old enough to leave at home. We've done this with ours at this age. For my own peace of mind, as much as anything else, I arranged with one of my local friends that they would be able to drive them somewhere if that was needed. As long as he has food, money etc. I would have thought it would be good for him to have the responsibility of looking after himself and the house?

specialsubject · 28/05/2017 20:22

BTW - he is too old to force in the car but the mention of a nasty temper is worrying. And make sure girlfriends parents know you are away, I.e they can have an unsupervised shagfest for a week.

metalmum15 · 29/05/2017 10:38

Is it a fairly serious relationship with his gf? Perhaps she could come with you?

metalmum15 · 29/05/2017 10:38

Is it a fairly serious relationship with his gf? Perhaps she could come with you?

user1471516728 · 31/05/2017 16:37

You sound like a lovely mum, really caring and there's nothing wrong with that. You have arranged all sorts of support and he will be fine and the the three of you will have the quiet relaxing time you deserve.

We are in a similar position this year but my oldest is going on an organised trek so we can take the younger one away and do things that he likes. I will of course worry about the older one the whole time, that's my job :)

Allthebestnamesareused · 31/05/2017 17:49

I'm still getting my head round you had to pay his dad to have him last year for the week and pay him to have access visits!

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