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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Teenager not wanting to come on holiday

75 replies

littlemissangrypants · 27/05/2017 11:37

For the second year running my 17year old son is not wanting to come on holiday with us. He doesn't want to leave his girlfried (new one to last year btw) so wants to stay home.
We have no family here. His dad had him staying over last year at £200 babysitting money for week but this year is refusing. He has no overnights either and little contact now.
Ds dad has offered to pop over 'sometimes'. My best friend will be on end of phone if ds needs anything. His dad is bleating on about our baby being left alone but wont have him anyway.
I don't know what to do. The options right now seem to be me staying home and dp and my 16 year old going on holiday without me (dp not keen as he's only a step dad and worried). Other option would be asking sons friends and parents for sofa surfing options and maybe asking his girlfriends parents for a couple of nights.
We need a break. Partner has had a very busy work year, little time together so he needs to go. Younger son is doing GCSes and has had to work very hard due to disabilities so could do with a break. I have a heart condition and am not feeling well mentally at moment so could use a break as well.
What should I do? Forcing older son in car will not work as he is likely to get violent. He's a good kid really but has a nasty temper when forced to do things he doesn't want. Another thing to add is that he is likely to have to resit year 12 as he is likely to have failed his math a level.
Sorry it's long. Didn't want to drip feed .

OP posts:

swingofthings · 27/05/2017 11:58

Sorry for mentioning the obvious, but can't you take the girlfriend too. Maybe tell your son/her/her parents that they will need to contribute towards the costs if it's an issue.

Is it you who has an issue with leaving him alone in the house of your OH?

sunshinesupermum · 27/05/2017 11:58

Leave him at home. He will ruin your holiday if he comes with. He's 17 - show some trust in him.

And get back fast from Scotland? I thought you were going to the States or some other far flung place lol

Original poster

littlemissangrypants · 27/05/2017 11:58

Thanks everyone for advice. I do tend to worry too much. The boys were not even allowed to cross the road alone until they were 11.
We live in a very boring and quiet place. Nothing ever happens here. No big roads to cross or anything.
Plus I had eldest son at 17 so have always been very over protective. Will let him stay home alone and try not to worry. His dad will pop in if needed. My best friend will pop in if needed and next door neighbours will have our number in case of loud noise/parties.
This parenting and letting go thing is hard.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 27/05/2017 11:59

Op already said there isn't room for the gf

sunshinesupermum · 27/05/2017 11:59

Well done! Letting go IS very hard! Enjoy your holiday and try not to worry.

AndNowItIsSeven · 27/05/2017 11:59

Of course you should go on the holiday , but don't understand why your dp would be worried to take your younger son alone?

Ratatatouille · 27/05/2017 12:01

I don't think you are babying him. What's right for one family is not necessarily right for another. Only you know if he is mature enough to be left alone or if he can be trusted. Other people can give opinions but that's all they are, opinions.

Try not to be hurt by his refusal to go on holiday or the fact that his girlfriend is more important. He's 17 and it's all very exciting and new for him. It's not a reflection on you or the family. I think most people were probably 'guilty' of ditching their parents a bit once boyfriends, girlfriends, parties etc came on the scene.

I was 16 when I stopped going on holidays with my parents (although it was slightly different as they were always world war 3 with my abusive arse of a father). The first time I stayed with my grandparents. After that, I stayed home alone. Had a few friends round and just enjoyed the freedom. Didn't do anything dangerous or crazy but then I was a fairly sensible (boring) kid.

EweAreHere · 27/05/2017 12:01

Sounds like an ungrateful brat. Is he in full time education? If not, I'd tell him his departure time is coming so he'd better start saving and looking for a job.

GinIsIn · 27/05/2017 12:02

Eh? You were a parent at your son's age but don't think it's old enough for him to stay home alone? I think you may have to rethink how overprotective you are as it's a bit much. You didn't let them cross the road until they were 11. That's secondary school age. 17 is old enough to drive. If he were in Scotland he would be away at university by now - he doesn't need a babysitter!

Crispsheets · 27/05/2017 12:06

I have to say, a holiday by Loch Ness with no internet doesn't appeal to me either

Missingthepoint · 27/05/2017 12:06

I think you are making the right decision. From what you have put the risk of leaving him is really pretty low and he does have more than one source of help in an emergency. Go enjoy your break. Just make sure you text as you are coming home so he can do a quick tidy up!! :)

NapQueen · 27/05/2017 12:06

Ewe what exactly makes him a brat? He is 17 and doesnt wish to spend a week away with his mum. What exactly is so bad about that?

Original poster

littlemissangrypants · 27/05/2017 12:07

AndNowItIsSeven Dp is a great guy. We have been together for 5 nearly 6 years now. He is great with the kids but he is not their dad. The kids were just too old to want or need a dad. Dp leaves the parenting to me but will tell the kids to not be stupid if need be.

He has spent time alone with both kids and they chat happily but dp seems worried at the thought of being alone for 7 days with just my youngest. Youngest is on spectrum and has other difficulties so can be a bit of a pain. Plus there is the added problem of worrying about breaking the kid. Don't think I would react well to that.

OP posts:

WatchingFromTheWings · 27/05/2017 12:08

Fill the freezer with pizzas and go and enjoy yourself. He probably won't even notice you've gone!

LindyHemming · 27/05/2017 12:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AndNowItIsSeven · 27/05/2017 12:20

He sounds fab op, glad you are going and leaving 17 year old. Have a great time.

guinnessgirl · 27/05/2017 12:21

From what you've said, it sounds like you can trust him to look after himself and the house, so I'd leave him at home. It sounds like he rally doesn't want to come, so why would you drag him along unwillingly when he's perfectly safe and capable to stay?

I know it's difficult to accept that your baby is all grown up, but really, at 17 he pretty much is. Give him his independence and you enjoy having this time to spend with DS2

Blossomdeary · 27/05/2017 12:22

I would leave him at home and go and enjoy your holiday.

RJnomore1 · 27/05/2017 12:23

Well there you go op. At his age you were parenting a baby. I'm sure he can manage not to starve himself to death for a few days!

MrsJayy · 27/05/2017 12:24

We left Dd at 17 she was fine , im so sorry your sons dad is such an arsehole that really must hurt

Kennethwasmyfriend · 27/05/2017 12:25

I loved my parents and have great memories of family holidays. Still never went away with them after 15.
Actually that's wrong as I did it again a few times as an adult, but very different dynamic then!

DPotter · 27/05/2017 12:27

I think you're absolutely right to let your 17 yr old stay at home. I'll be honest a holiday on the shores of Loch Ness with no internet service which you have been to many times before, doesn't sound like the most exciting offer for a 17 yr old lad. Maybe re-think future holiday destinations if you wish to entice him along, especially as you say you live in a quiet place?

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 27/05/2017 12:33

A holiday to Loch Ness with a hot tub and no internet really wouldn't be much fun for a 27 year old or me tbh. I can understand why he doesn't want to go.

Original poster

littlemissangrypants · 27/05/2017 12:37

We have done other holidays but can't do any hotter destinations due to my heart condition. I even struggle in Uk and have had a lot of hospital admissions due to my heart not coping with heat. So in terms of holiday it's either to cold places or not at all. I know it sucks for the kid but he does enjoy the hot tub and hiking and other activities. It's just such a shame we have no internet access where we go.
Younger ds loves the area as again he loves to get out, hates the heat and loves spending time with us. He is a very young 16 year old and acts more like a 5 year old in terms of hugs and wanting to play games with adults.
We are going to have a short weekend camp and see if eldest copes without us before we go so I don't need to worry too much. I really am a very anxious parent as I just never wanted to fail the boys. I never had a loving parent to protect and nurture me so it's hard stopping now but I see that I do need to stop.

OP posts:

LIZS · 27/05/2017 12:39

I assume mobile wifi diesn't work there?

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