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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Would you ever condone faking a sick day off school?

37 replies

TheDonald · 02/05/2017 21:49

Dd is in y10. She has excellent attendance (has missed 1.5 days since September). Tomorrow she has a non timetable day - a dragon's den style business day. They have to work as a team all day and then present their work to other groups. It's her idea of hell!

They have been put in groups based on the register and she is with a boy who sexually assaulted her friend last year, a girl who bullied her in y8 and 2 boys who are known to disrupt lessons. They were banned from swapping groups so no possibility of requesting another group. She's dreading it and begging me to let her stay off.

I'm tempted to let her. Wwyd?

OP posts:
Notfastjustfurious · 02/05/2017 21:52

Let her. What the hell kind of group is that? A deviant, a bully and a couple of time wasters. That's a terrible grouping anyway what on earth was the teacher thinking???

RiaOverTheRainbow · 02/05/2017 21:53

I'd let her stay off provided she does homework/revision/something productive. But I wouldn't let it become a habit.

Aducknotallama · 02/05/2017 21:53

I would let her take the day off, sounds pointless and a terrible group. My is in Yr 10 and I would let him take a day off in this situation.

Etymology23 · 02/05/2017 21:55

Yeah, day off - are you off work - could you go for a day trip somewhere or anything so it wasn't wasted?

BrassicaBabe · 02/05/2017 21:55

It was and still is my idea of hell. And I have a professional job where sometimes it's necessary and in those circumstances I make myself. Give the girl a break, there's plenty of time for learning those crappy disciplines Smile

Fairylea · 02/05/2017 21:56

I'd let her stay home.

I know you'll get people who'll come along and tell you that it's wrong (mumsnet seems to be full of people who think unless you're dying you should be at school) but I really don't think the odd sickie ever killed anyone.

When I was young my mum sometimes let me have the day off to go to the theatre with her or have a day out somewhere, and sometimes just because I was very stressed. I still ended up with very good grades. You know your child best.

Ginmakesitallok · 02/05/2017 21:56

I'll always be grateful to my mum who let me take one day off school when I was very anxious about a particular situation. It only happened once - I was a v good student, v little time off. I'd let her stay off

Original poster
TheDonald · 02/05/2017 21:57

Thanks all. Yes a terrible group.

She has promised all sorts of homework and additional revision if she stays off.

Plus at the back of my mind I know I should be grateful she's asking! I go out before her and get back after her so she could easily take matters into her own hands. She's not a natural rebel!

OP posts:
Ineedagoodusername · 02/05/2017 22:02

Yes let her.

Ineedagoodusername · 02/05/2017 22:03

Ginmakeaitallok same here and again always grateful.

Blueemeraldagain · 02/05/2017 22:04

Even as a teacher I say do it. God, those "business" days are a colossal waste of time.

Original poster
TheDonald · 02/05/2017 22:07

OK it's unanimous!

You've reminded me when I was at school we had to do a fitness bleep test. I was friends with the sporty crowd but couldn't run at all. I was dreading it so much I couldn't sleep. My mum wouldn't let me miss school so I deliberately missed the bus and had to walk 9 miles down country lanes to get to school! I thought I'd get there just after first lesson but it took me nearly 3 hours!

OP posts:
BrassicaBabe · 02/05/2017 22:08

As for homework etc, I'd say if DD is having a duvet day then let her enjoy the full "doing nothing" loveliness of it all Grin

gleam · 02/05/2017 22:13

Yes. Let her lie in and pootle about.

Ineedagoodusername · 02/05/2017 22:15

Agreed tell her she can just veg!

PossumInAPearTree · 02/05/2017 22:17

Hell yes. I feel depressed just reading the
OP.

TimeforANewTwatName · 02/05/2017 22:21

Yes definitely.

radicalrage · 02/05/2017 22:24

Yeah- don't make her revise unless she needs to. Spoil her a bit. My mum once let me have a day off when everything had gotten in top of me. Still remember it. As much as school is important there is no need for need to suffer this and she will learn that her mental health and wellbeing are important.

mammmamia · 02/05/2017 22:25

Yes let her. I was always grateful when my mum let me stay off like that very very occasionally. Was straight A student and I think she could see when it was all getting on top of me.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 02/05/2017 22:26

YANBU.

She won't learn anything in a team like that, it's a lesson in futility and she'll do all the work but only get one fifth of the credit. My DD had a team like that at a robotics camp. It just made her frustrated and not particularly interested in robotics, especially when she was the only one who turned up to the end of camp competition.

She already knows working with crappy people is crappy, she doesn't need a full day of it to reinforce the message. 'Learning how to work with difficult people' isn't achieved in this sort of setting or at this age, either. It's somewhat easier as a adult where managers have to step in due to team poor performance reflecting on them and their employment, promotion and pay prospects. Teachers don't have quite the same level of motivation because the circumstances aren't the same.

annandale · 02/05/2017 22:27

I would let her (I hope). But I would be happy with her doing some revision/work as well, though not hours and hours of it. Sounds horrible.

TheHobbitMum · 02/05/2017 22:30

Absolutely I would! What an awful day, sounds like my idea of hell. Let her lounge around and have a day of being lazy :)

pardreg · 03/05/2017 10:47

God yes. Poor children.

swingofthings · 03/05/2017 17:15

I'm surprised at the unanimity of the responses. I would have insisted she went because facing such circumstances is a very good and realistic of real life. It was an opportunity for her to learn that very often, when you dread a situation and expect the worst, if you prepare yourself to it mentally, you actually realise that it is not as bad as you feared and this helps with self-esteem and confidence. Instead, telling her that is ok to call in sick in such circumstances is justifying her fears and telling her that avoidance is the right strategy.

If it's been my daughter, I would have said that not going wasn't an option, but would have discussed different scenarios, assess how to respond to unpleasantness and agreed on coping mechanisms to get through to it.

OvariesForgotHerPassword · 03/05/2017 17:20

YANBU at all. I think there's a big difference between having to sometimes overcome challenges and work with unfamiliar groups in the world of work, and being grouped with a sexual assaulter, a bully and two disruptive influences on a fairly useless project at the age of 15.

I hope she's had a much nicer day today than she otherwise would have done :)

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