Don't know what to do

[coatless]

My sixteen y.o. went to a friend's house last night after school and stayed over. That bit's fine. This morning she texted me to say she felt sick this morning so was not going to school and was going to stay at her friend's house.

I don't know if friend is staying off as well. I kind of hope so because I think DD being ill at someone else's house is not on when there's an alternative, i.e. home. I think it's an imposition even if friend's parents say they don't mind and told her so. No response.

I told her I'm going to be in vicinity of friend's house this morning so can collect her. No response.

I'm not willing to phone school to tell them she's off sick if she won't respond to my messages.

Should I turn up on friend's doorstep? Don't know what to do. DD has history of anxiety and depression but I think she's messing about. She has missed a lot of school lately while claiming to be ambitious academically.

Good advice, fluffy, but I know DD knows I'm fine with her having a special relationship with another girl because DD2 (the DD we've been talking about is DD3), who is a good deal older, told us she and another woman had fallen in love last summer and we were all totally unsurprised and pleased for her.

coatless, I have to say that you seem to have accepted what happened with more relief than anger. In your shoes, I would have given my DD a real talking.

Firstly, I wouldn't have believed for a second that she was just poorly. Funny how she and her friend ended up both poorly, even if the friend did make it to school for a bit. And why did HoY reacted so alarmingly to the point of calling the police? That makes no sense.

As your DD suffers some MH issues, I would be much concern that there is much more to it than what she tells you. Feeling poorly -again-, sleeping it off at noon, so deeply that she didn't hear you knocking on the door, didn't check once her phone. Yeah right!

I know how extreme relief makes everything better, but if I were you, I would be speaking with the parents of the friend to found out exactly what happened the night before. Are you sure they were there? Are you certain they were not out whilst DD and her friends ended up drinking the cabinet away?

I'm so relieved she was at her friend's and safe but am a bit confused as to why the police were called? I'd be wanting to chat to school to understand their thoughts or concerns and work together with them. Albeit you may be doing that already.

HoY did not call the police on this issue. Sorry if what I've said confused people. The policeman I saw was at school for some other reason, entirely unrelated. Calling police re DD wasn't necessary once HoY had tracked Friend down and heard her version of the story, which corroborated what little DD had vouchsafed to me.

swingofthings, I understand how you feel about this and think it perfectly reasonable. However, knowing DD as I do the drunkenness idea never held any sway with me. She has Really Big food issues and drinks nothing but water most of the time: an occasional small amount of no bits orange juice, no tea, no coffee, no milk, even struggles to drink more than an inch of hot chocolate. Someone would have to lace her water to get alcohol into her. I know that sounds ridiculous but it's true. It may not always be true but it is at the moment.

I felt anxiety more than anger and DD did get a talking to. So did Friend. I'm taking leggit's advice and being more assertive about what behaviour I expect from them. Actually, I told DD to read this thread in the car on the way home after I picked her up yesterday so that she'd see the reactions of other parents and see mine in perspective, so to speak.