Lazy, disrespectful, depressed, pot smoking son. Time to move out?

[imaginative]

Firstly, my youngest son will be 22 in May so not a teenager. He has no motivation, is totally nocturnal, only bothered about smoking weed and seeing his mates. I'm a light sleeper and he keeps me awake all night wandering about, coughing, cooking chips, going in and out of the house to smoke. I suffer from depression and thyroid issues, am losing so much weight and feel so ill. The rows with my husband over our son have torn us apart and brought us close to divorce. I have been piggy in the middle trying to sugar coat the exchanges between them and protect my son and my husband from the other. It is utterly unbearable. Finally, I think I have come to realise that the answer may be to kick my son out. When he's away with friends, I can sleep at night, and get on so much better with my husband. We also have our older son at home who's doing a masters degree and he is so helpful, behaves beautifully. I am worried that if we tell our youngest to leave, he will be on the streets. He's had a couple of jobs but been sacked from them. He's on JSA and pays us £35 a week for his keep plus £6 for his part on the car insurance (we have paid for lots of lessons but he still won't take his test. The car is his as soon as he passes), but he resents paying this. WWYD?

Where is he getting all the money for weed?

I am probably over indulgent with my own (younger) sons, but I think this is a case of having to be cruel to be kind.

Wow, lots of judgey stuff going on here! Trouble is they are what they are. All this "I would do this and this if he was mine...". Well, he's not is he, he's hers. I've raised 4 of the little darlings myself and one of them was exactly like this. Of course you can't throw him out; warts and all, they're your kids. No amount of threats, removal of items, being nice blah blah blah all came to nothing until he decided to grow up. It's not great to hear, but it's a fact. So many of my friends have had this issue too. Try to grin and bear it, it doesn't last forever; some of them just take longer than others to get there. Stay strong!

Imaginative
I feel for u
My son s 28 and it sounds like my life
I went to family groups for a while and listened to all the sad story’s which in someways helped as. Didn’t feel so alone
Trying counselling now for myself as my son won’t go. Turns out I am an enabler
Good luck

Dont be so bloody stupid Trace. He might always be the OPs kud but that doesnt mean he doesnt have to grow up and zhict for himself like the rest if us. She can still provide him w love and moral support even if he's not living under her roof.

And yes it can, and often does, last "forever". Or at least until the parents die. Quite common in fact.

shift for himself

Hi Imaginetive

Any update about your 22 year old son

My wife and I are having the same problem with our joungest son but he is 17, got in with the wrong crowd and has made stupid choices, cannot get him to do anything and all he seems to live for is the weed

Very disappointed and really haven’t a clue what to do for the best hence I am on here to try and find any answers

Hoping things are better

Hi
I've just come across this post and I'm in the same situation, my son is 18. Has just lost his warehouse job because he missed too many days. He has no friends just goes out one day a week to buy weed and locks himself in his bedroom playing video games. His bit of money he has earned will be gone soon and I won't be given him any. I'm am heart broken how he has turned out. I hve tried talking to him but he just tells u wat u want to hear constantly makes excuses for his behaviour and I feel like getting him his own place as the stress is slowly killing me. He cares about nothing and no 1. Wld appreciate advice, thank you.

For a start you need a no drugs under your roof rule.

It's actually illegal to smoke weed in your property so he is making you break the law. What if the neighbours report it?