Do you sometimes struggle to find your teenager loveable?

[GoodyGoodyGumdrops]

And does it pass?

I have never ever snuck into my teens bedroom to watch them sleep

They annoy the hell out of me and sometimes I don't like what they do but I do love them.

LOL at med school /Sandhurst!!

I have only just started to like DS1 after a year of foul behaviour and attitude.
He still has bad days but they are in amongst good days, unlike the last 12 months where everyday was a bad day.

I was at a very low point late last year and it was DSS (30 yo) who reminded me he was an absolute shit to his mum at that age and he came through it. He is now and has been for many years a lovely well adjusted man who loves his family. He gave me hope that my unlikable teen could change in to a lovable adult.

I understand about the either shouting or silence.

I sincerely hope I'm not doing the wrong thing by allowing silence between ds and myself. Sometimes I don't see him all day, except for a brief glimpse when I'm going to bed, when he emerges from his man-cave to eat peanut butter sandwiches. (I resist the urge to say "Do you want any bread with your peanut butter?")

I know when he's at home, because I can hear him coming and going, and sometimes he will initiate conversation with me - especially if he wants a lift. He does talk to dh occasionally, and my siblings tell me he chats online with them, so it's not like he totally isolating himself from his family. But I and our other children are definitely not Flavour of the Month - and haven't been for many months.

I try to end all our conversations, however brief, with some kind of loving expression.

Oddly enough, the one thing he always co-operates with me on is turning his music down if I ask. With all the rudeness, the demanding behaviour, the looking down on me, that's the thing I'm holding on to in hope.

Wot's AP ?

16 was our nightmare year. Our sunny, bright, talented, funny DS became a surly, apathetic, secretive, underachieving, videogamer and social media moron.

Only joking, but it felt that way. It didn't help that his teachers were struggling to deal with the class, too. No amount of explaining, bribing or threatening could get through to him and I could feel him slipping away, out of control. Fortunately alcohol and drugs were never part of the picture but he was seriously in danger of not living up to his potential and THAT was what infuriated me.

Maybe he just grew up or maybe the latent "him" shone through, but he has certainly improved in reliability and sense of what needs to be done. The secrecy is still there and a certain amount of procrastination but he's back on track.

Now he's 18 he has certain rights and duties to HIMSELF and we definitely feel there's another adult (with an additional dose of love) in the family.

I think at the worst point I disliked him intensely (I said some awful things like "From now on I'm going to be on your case!" or "Keep on my good side, or you'll regret it...") but a parent's love is very hard to break. That was as strong as ever.

Hang on in there, OP.

Oh yes!

They do turn a corner though and come back to you in a different form, butterfly like!

I love them so much, ds1 for quite a fews years has suffered from anxiety, depression and anger issues (linked to anxiety) he can be really hard work, he swears, calls me all the names under the sun and rages in his room. At these times i've come close to violence. There will be a flash point at least once a day (not necessarily aimed at me more frustration about something)

But I walk away, then let it wash over me, when he's calm we talk, he always hates his own behaviour.
As a result he's still open to chat generally to me, watch programs we both like together. He has counselling once a week, I don't pry but sometimes he'll talk about how it went or how he feels about something.

I don't take his outburst personally, I don't dwell on his behaviour. Dh struggles to like him though.

Thing is I was fucking awful teenage, I was as far off the rails as you can get, I still ponder sometimes how 1. I'm still alive 2. Pulled myself together and didn't end up in prison. I feel maybe because of this I understand what he's going through.

I put my own mother and father through absolute hell. But then later I vowed when I was a parent I wouldn't be my mother.(I've had my own counselling due to my childhood)

90% of the time he is a thoughtful, respectful and pleasant humanbeing. I wait patiently for him to come out the other side. Whilst aware that I must not let him grow up to think this sort of behaviour is OK in adulthood. There is no way that I would accept anger out bursts from any adult in my life, and nor should anybody else, we talk about this alot.

Oh just to add, he dosen't 'get away with his behaviour' some privileges get revoked.

It's so hard dealing with them pulling away from you when you love them just as much as you ever did.

I just came home from work and found ds loading the dishwasher! All the dishes, not just his!

I often ask my 17yr old ds for a hug and when I do it's always a willing hug and as he stands about 6inch taller than me the best hug, we always every single night say love you before bed even if I'm away or his out. But at times he makes me want to pull my hair out.

God I dare not answer that question. SUCH a bad day with DS16. I really crave some peace and solitude away from name calling and attitude ☹️

Do I see a zombie thread?

Nothing wrong with a zombie thread.

FWIW ds is coming out of his difficult-to-love/like zombie phase. He has been working as a waiter for the past year. I don't know whether he simply matured this year, or that the job has been an amazing learning experience, but he is now so much easier to get along with.

I really struggle with how self absorbed my two can be at times. They don't give a monkeys about anyone else it seems...least of all me.
Then dd2 got an award at school for being nice to someone which gives me some hope. She still has it in her somewhere-even if we don't see it at home.

I am constantly on eggshells around my 15yr old son, he can be such a lovely young man, and then he can be so horrible towards me, i dont live with his Dad, and his Dad doesnt do a thing to help us out financially or emotionally, he sees him for a week here and there, my son is so angry all the time and it's only me there to bear the brunt of it, i feel like my mental health is after taking a huge stabbing from it all, it's constant, every day, i look forward to getting to work to get away from him, and i dont mind saying that. We used to be so close, and i get that he is hormonal, and i'm not too old myself to remember what it was like to be a teenager but i would of never spoke to my Mother the way he speaks to me, it's just vile. Sometimes he pushes me out of his way, and roars at me with this big manly voice, it's quite disturbing. And before anyone says that he has serious issues, i do have him in therapy as i just dont know what else to do with him. Then there are times when he's amazing, so much fun, but it just takes me to breath in the wrong direction and that's me finished for the day, it's horrible, sometimes i feel like if i'd known then, what i know now, i wouldnt of had him at all