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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Do you sometimes struggle to find your teenager loveable?

66 replies

GoodyGoodyGumdrops · 27/01/2017 18:06

And does it pass?

OP posts:

skerrywind · 27/02/2017 07:48

oops sorry wrong thread.

Oblomov17 · 27/02/2017 07:53

13 year olds are very unpleasant, unappreciative and answering back, aren't they? I don't even like them very much!!

skerrywind · 27/02/2017 08:05

13 year olds are very unpleasant, unappreciative and answering back, aren't they? I don't even like them very much!!

No. My 13 year olds have been nothing like this, they have being loving caring and kind.

Oblomov17 · 27/02/2017 08:07

Just mine then. And 6 of the other mums I spoke to. Not all. Clearly.

ggirl · 27/02/2017 08:15

What a timely thread after a weekend of putting up with 14yr old son's moods.
I was just wondering when it would pass.

My daughter who is 25 was never moody , was very easy as a teen so this is first taste of teenage moods.

So far he's just morose , no aggression or shouting ..but I do miss his company ..he sits in his room chatting happily with his mates on xbox , then we get the silent grunts.

It's natures way of making it easier to let them go isn't it ?

WankersHacksandThieves · 27/02/2017 14:35

I think you need to separate the behaviour from the person.

I love my two teens to distraction. I don't always like their behaviour (though to be fair they seem to be angels in comparison with what I read on here).

I try to not make it personal when pointing this out I.e. "That behaviour is unacceptable" rather than "*Your behaviour is unacceptable".

We aren't a huggy kissy family, but I know they know they are loved. You can love someone and still not like how they behave towards you.

Having teenagers has been the best bit of parenting for me, I love seeing them become adults, having proper conversations and disagreements because their views no longer mirror mine.

paganmolloy · 28/02/2017 15:01

Will watch thread with interest. My DD(13) is going through one of her vile phases again :(
I can't do anything right and she's constantly spoiling for a fight - with me, never with anyone else. Even when I walk away she screams at me and how I'm ignoring her. I can't have a conversation when she's constantly screaming at me - it's exhausting. It totally affects my mood. She is never affectionate towards me. Will give DH cuddles and sometimes even her little brother but never me. Like she wants to rub it in my face. So yes, this makes her hard to love though I still do.

rainbowstardrops · 05/03/2017 16:39

I love my nearly seventeen year old dearly.
Today however, I really don't like him.
I would never have dreamt of speaking to my mum as he does to me.
I sat in tears wondering where on Earth I had gone wrong.
I got told to grow up amongst other expletives.

BonnesVacances · 05/03/2017 16:46

If you are struggling to find something loveable in your teen, go and look at them while they're asleep. It really helps.

creaser · 05/03/2017 16:57

Yes yes and yes again or maybe they make you wonder why your so unlovable as they clearly hate you!!!

I can do nothing right in my 15 year old sons eyes and everything is my fault he is full on Kevin and Perry.

I am lucky though as I have a 4 year old and a baby who still want lots of cuddles

MrsDoylesTeabags · 05/03/2017 17:00

I'll admit I do go and look at mine when he's sleeping. Someone said upthread that's when you see the child in them.
I love my son with a passion but God he can be hard work at times and very difficult to like. He's getting a little bit less self absorbed now and more thoughtful but he still has episodes when I think 'What did I raise here?' and can't bear to speak to him!

OhCarrieMathison · 05/03/2017 19:54

Not my teenager no, i love seeing the young person she is becoming.
My toddler otoh oh my some days she really, really tests her boundaries to levels that I can't take much more of !

Didiplanthis · 05/03/2017 21:31

I'm so dreading this. My 4 year old makes me feel like that sometimes I love him dearly but my god is he hard work emotionally - I have to sneak in at night to kiss him already as he wipes them off , and shouts and screams at trivia !! I feel intense fear about teenage years. My other 2 are much calmer but then I worry they are saving it all up until puberty. I wonder how it will all pan out.....

OhCarrieMathison · 06/03/2017 14:37

Didiplanthis
I worry about this too.
My 17 year old was a lovely, calm, little girl and has for the most part been a nice teen.
My son otoh has been a ball of emotion and I feel drained already raising him we've still a way to go before we hit teenage years !

motherinferior · 06/03/2017 15:57

Oh god, give me teens over three-year-olds any day!

GuinefortGrey · 06/03/2017 18:32

I love my 14, nearly 15, year old so much. It breaks my heart how rude and hurtful and dismissive she is to me. She recoils in revulsion if I go to give her a hug. I try not to take it personally but it's very, very hard. Our relationship is complicated as her dad (my DH) died suddenly when she was 5. She was a daddy's girl and I have always been a very poor substitute for him in her eyes, feelings that seem to have magnified 100 fold in teenagehood . I love her even though she does her best to make herself unloveable.

WankersHacksandThieves · 06/03/2017 18:48

My son otoh has been a ball of emotion and I feel drained already raising him we've still a way to go before we hit teenage years !

My DS2 was like this. Known as the tantrum king when a toddler - he would literally bang his head on the pavement if we went in a different direction to where he wanted. He argued black was white as soon as he could talk and DH still remembers fighting to get a nappy on him when he was a newborn. He lived life in the highest of highs and lowest of lows. We struggled with him most about age 12 and early 13. Then he just totally chilled out and is the most laid back guy at nearly 16. He's chatty, amenable, polite, well behaved and doing well in school. Not sure if something clicked with him or us tbh but I'm not complaining :o

WankersHacksandThieves · 06/03/2017 18:51

Oh, and for Didi DS1 was a laid back chilled baby/toddler/child and now he is nearly 17, he is still the same. Too quiet probably but that's his worst trait, otherwise he is the same chilled out baby and child he always was.

OhCarrieMathison · 06/03/2017 19:45

Wankershack yep, that sounds like my Ds. He's 7 now and we have intense highs and you feel caught up in the moment with him then he still throws his head back and bawls like a baby if he isn't getting his own way.
My older girl was never like this so I've never experienced these intense emotions.
He's doing well in school and seems to respect his teacher which is his saving grace. I keep waiting for school to fall apart.
Glad to hear things are good with your DS, there's hope for mine yet !

WankersHacksandThieves · 06/03/2017 20:04

Definitely Carrie After laid back DS1 (even slept through the night in the hospital!) who even the childminder said was the easiest baby ever, we thought wtf! when presented with DS2 who could talk before he could sit up, so inability to communicate was NOT his problem :o We moved house the week after his first birthday and were outside introducing ourselves to our new neighbours just after having the site manager come round and explain that the lawn was newly laid and shouldn't be walked on. New neighbour having missed this convo, walked straight across it and DS2 bellowed at him "Not on gwass!" Neighbour was a bit taken aback to say the least :o

Giddyaunt18 · 07/03/2017 12:51

Aways love her but often dislike her attitude and behaviour and pink hair!

marl · 09/03/2017 21:46

So relieved to find this thread after an escalating month with DS's hormones, culminating in him telling me 'lets be frank, we don't have good relationship' and struggling to be able to tell me anything I do for him, when I tried to point out his ungrateful attitude. This started with Dp and i pulling him aside to talk about the rude way he speaks to us in front of younger siblings, but ended in a catalogue of 'why I am an awful parent' from him. Struggling, really struggling and hating his attitudes at the moment to be honest.

MumBod · 09/03/2017 21:50

I think 15 is the nightmare year. The teenage equivalent of the terrible twos.

After that it levels out. By the time they're 16/17 I find them hilarious again.

KTP · 10/03/2017 07:05

Yup. I hear you. Love my son, would defend him with my life, but cannot find anything to like about him at the moment. Feel like a very crap mum as I feel angry and resentful towards him nearly all the time. He's rude, incredibly selfish, lazy, mean to his younger sister. He speaks to me so disrespectfully that I'm floored. And then I lose my rag, which is clearly the worst thing to do. Gah! I wish I could separate my disappointment from my emotions and deal with him dispassionately, but find it so, so hard to do.

shetisham · 10/03/2017 07:12

I have never ever snuck into my teens bedroom to watch them sleep

They annoy the hell out of me and sometimes I don't like what they do but I do love them.

LOL at med school /Sandhurst!!

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