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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Daughter crying in bed because I am mean.

28 replies

BluntForceTrauma · 08/01/2017 00:55

So....am I mean.....according to her I am the meanest parent ever.....
We've been to a friends party. No restrictions on phone usage all night - since 8pm. She can do whatever she wants etc etc. Now we're home, it's 12.52am and she wants her phone but I'm enforcing normal rules of phones on charge at the top of the stairs before bedtime. Apparently this makes me the worst mum EVER. She is sobbing in bed. Like a terrible trauma had befallen her.

Am I? Am I the worst mum ever. Am I being unreasonable? Or is almost 1am an ok time to stop phone usage?

OP posts:

Boobiebalfie · 08/01/2017 01:02

How old is she?

rollonthesummer · 08/01/2017 01:05

If she is 11 then you are not being unreasonable. If she's 18, then maybe you are!

Earlgreywithmilk · 08/01/2017 01:09

I take my ds13 and dd11 phones off them at 9pm every night, no arguments.
I consider myself a very laid back, un-mean mum. I also have a ds18 who messes about on his gadgets til God knows what time as I've decided I can't be bothered trying to control it anymore - but I'm determined not to let it go that way with the other two!

Timetogetup0630 · 08/01/2017 07:44

You are doing the right thing.
Stick to your guns with Your rules.
She must be exhausted, which will make her all the more emotional.
Hope you all managed to get some sleep.

Original poster

BluntForceTrauma · 08/01/2017 10:29

She's 13. Eventually stopped! Thanks for your comments. I'm definitely sticking to my guns - I know if I break it'll make the next time harder. She's woken up this morning in grump so it's going to be a long day which I shall try and bear with a smile!

OP posts:

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 08/01/2017 10:30

My 15 her old has to leave his phone in the hallway over night!

LottieDoubtie · 08/01/2017 10:31

you absolutely aren't wrong- but based on my experience you are unusual which is both really sad and terrifying.

She'll thank you in about 15 years

Lilaclily · 08/01/2017 10:33

She was obviously overtired and feeling dramatic

MrsDoylesTeabags · 08/01/2017 10:34

I believe when you're teenager calls you The Worst Mum Ever™ that means you're doing it right.
Be patient today and give her plenty of space, she'll soon come round

Whoamicosichangedmynameagain · 08/01/2017 10:37

She needs to Get Over It.

It is vital you display a total lack of interest in these histrionics.

TheThingsWeAdmitOnMN · 08/01/2017 10:41

You did the right thing.

My friends DD (12) has started using her phone at all hours. Her Mum fell for the 'I need it for my alarm' routine (she has an actual alarm clock, or could hear it from the hallway).

I didn't say anything over the holidays, but felt I had to when it continued on when they went back to school. I felt mean 'telling on her', but she needs her sleep. Her Mum has an account where she can see what her DD is doing & when, it just hadn't occurred to her she'd be doing this.

It now stays in her mum's room overnight.

I do feel a bit sorry for your DD if she was mid conversation with a friend or something, but I'd expect her to have articulated that much better than a 2 year olds tantrum.

Original poster

BluntForceTrauma · 08/01/2017 10:41

It's good to know own others do the same. According to DO I'm THE ONLY parent in the world who doesn't allow their children their phones overnight. I usually nod sagely and ignore such silliness but last hit new heights!

OP posts:

Aftertheraincomesthesun · 08/01/2017 10:45

I think the correct response to such histrionics is. 'I think you are overtired'.

ImperialBlether · 08/01/2017 10:48

Don't your children ever sneak down and take their phones from the hallway? I know I would've done this as a child. A lot of people here say they're left on the landing or in the hallway, but they must be very trusting!

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 08/01/2017 11:02

The punishment for not putting the phone on the hall way is to have it removed- he daren't risk it or Snapchat would send out a search party!

BigSandyBalls2015 · 08/01/2017 11:03

Mine say exactly the same thing, 'I'm the only mum in the whole school who is this uptight about gadgets at night'.

They're nearly 16 and have to leave stuff downstairs. There has been occasional sneaking down but not very often.

I'm sick to death of looking at them huddled under a blanket on the sofa most of the day so there's no fecking way they're doing they half the night.

Lilaclily · 08/01/2017 11:03

Imperial - ds, 12 has to have his plugged into the kitchen overnight

He has snuck down a few times but as been swiftly told off

I think if you're consistent and keep reinforcing the same rules eventually they get fed up of trying to break them

BigSandyBalls2015 · 08/01/2017 11:04

One did have a big tantrum the other night though about 'losing her streaks' if she wasn't allowed on it ......

Lilaclily · 08/01/2017 11:04

I also put the fear of God into them regularly ie ' if you don't abide by the rules we won't upgrade your phone when the time comes '

specialsubject · 08/01/2017 11:57

Well done. Leave to blub at night, remove phone if sulks continue today.

Behavelike a toddler, get treated like one.

GTS · 08/01/2017 12:17

My son is 12, his phone stays downstairs when he goes to bed. No arguments.
Could not agree more with pp who said that if you're called the worst parent ever then you're doing it right. Nailed it!

Thattimeofyearagain · 08/01/2017 12:23

No, your a good mum. The fact that you doubted yourself shows that. Mine are now 23& 18 . Have these off me

Original poster

BluntForceTrauma · 08/01/2017 16:05

Thanks all! It really is good to have your support. They don't sneak out to get them as they know the consequences are to lose their phones for a day....a fate not worth considering!
She was grumpy this morning and I told her not to start the day in the same way as she finished yesterday but said no more. Then went out with other DD for a couple of hours and when I came home DD2 had cleaned the kitchen, taken all the rubbish and recycling out and started making lunch! An apology I suspect. I shall mention it no more and carry on parenting!

OP posts:

TheOnlyColditz · 08/01/2017 16:10

All my kids and step kids have to leave the tech downstairs. I refuse to even contemplate having them upstairs. Not happening. They are aged 10 to 14.

britainteascones · 08/01/2017 17:43

tbh that seems weird so maybe there was something you wanted/needed to do on her phone and you got in the way and she didn't want to explain it to you.

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