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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Ds wants to go to NYE party, we are worried!

60 replies

Meatycankles · 21/12/2016 19:50

A WWYD really. We have booked to go away as a family for new year, but just turned 17 year old DD now wants to go out with her friends for new year.
We were happy to let her stay with a friends parent, if they were happy to have her. However, the story keeps changing as to what she is doing. The latest thing is that she and the friend she's staying with are going to a party of someone she doesn't really know, a friend of a friend, about 30 miles from home. They say everybody is sleeping over. I know there will be drink and some of them smoke weed too. I'm very uncomfortable with this as I don't know the person whose party it is, and if it goes tits up we are about 200 miles away and not able to simply come and get her. I'm concerned that there will be no taxis on NYE, and if the parent of the girl she is staying with gets called out to get them, I'm relying on him not having had a drink at new year, which is a big ask.
I have said I want the number of the parents of the girl having the party, as well as the number of the girls parents who she's staying with, but apparently I'm making a big fuss and all the other parents are cool about it. She thinks she knows everything and is very street smart but she really isn't, and I'm worried she'll get herself into a situation she can't handle. WWYD?

OP posts:
NewNNfor2017 · 23/12/2016 22:13

And the mode of leaving is entirely relevant if the OP, or her DD, restrict/alter their plans to ensure that mum is available just in case the DD can't cope with the situation and needs to leave.

titchy · 23/12/2016 23:15

Mum won't be able to bail her out at every future occasion but Uber can. And that's fine. Listening to your spidey senses and responding appropriately is the most important thing. I'm sure in a year or two if mum says I'll be too pissed to pick you up so use Uber, she'll be quite capable of doing so.

Don't imply this dd needs to learn lessons about resilience, dealing with situations, not mixing with the wrong crowd. This dd is 17, learning all the time and when push comes to shove has recognised when she feels uncomfortable and has demonstrated she can act on that feeling and extricate herself accordingly.

KindDogsTail · 25/12/2016 23:55

and certainly can't call mummy to rescue her.
She can for now I hope.

DollyPlastic · 26/12/2016 00:04

Pretend to put your foot down.

She's coming with you and that's it. (This is only to let her face face, obviously)

bigTillyMint · 28/12/2016 21:36

I think your biggest clue is this: I had to pick her up early only just last night from a disco where she wasn't happy, as it "was all a bit intense" apparently - she is not ready for the kind of party where there will be drinking to excess, weed and possibly worse, and would most likely want to be picked up from it way before midnight.

Sorry to see your update that she is now looking for an alternative plan. I would say that NYE when you are far away is not the night to try to party without close friends to keep an eye out for each other.

Angela56 · 30/12/2016 00:20

hi , I can feel your anxiety , I am the same with my 16 yr old son . I have told him if he isn't prepared to share info of his whereabouts and contact details of party , then I am not prepared to let him go . it caused a row but I am his parent first and friend 2nd . it's really hard and I feel like a killjoy but the worry is unbearable if you don't actually know where they are . He says I must trust him , I say he has to show he can be street smart 😢

Angela56 · 30/12/2016 00:25

just give her the way out by insisting on her coming with family , she can make up an excuse to friends that its some bodies special occasion, she may put up an argument to save face but secretly be grateful

Angela56 · 30/12/2016 00:26

I agree with you , I have done this with my son to save face

kilmuir · 30/12/2016 00:31

We had a NYE party for DD and40 friends last year.they were 17/18.
Seemed to be a lot of alcohol consumed at predrinks parties. Had to drive 2 lads home within an hour of being here as not able to stand or vomiting non stop. Their friends were able to tell us where to take them.
I would let her go, butI would want some contact details.

Milklollies · 30/12/2016 01:51

OP tell your daughter that she will fly the nest soon so you would like her to appreciate this time with her family. Guilt her. My Asian parents still do it to me and it works (most of the time). You are absolutely right about your daughter naive. I had a friend in uni who is exactly as you described and she got raped( in my opinion as she was so intoxicated she couldn't even remember... I think she was spiked) but she didn't even seem to care about it all that much, Shock. Your daughter is naive to say the least and hasn't got street level common sense so keep her there with you for now.

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