Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

DD and I can't be in the same room together because she says I make disgusting noises

74 replies

charlotteswebber · 15/12/2016 23:02

This is really upsetting me. DD says she can't bear the sound of me swallowing. I don't mean swallowing food or anything but normal swallowing that people do (of saliva, I don't have any medical condition or anything), the type that you can't generally even hear unless you're in a deathly quiet room. But she says she hears it and she makes loud tocking noises with her tongue whenever I swallow, or storms out of the room in a blind rage.

This has become unbearable now, because I'm always walking on egg-shells, trying to time every swallow with some other noise in the house or road, and rather than something unconscious I'm aware of it for every second of my life that she's around me, and even when she's not.

I feel that this is borderline bullying behaviour, because even with other people (when she's not around) I'm hyper aware of it and wondering if they can hear me. I have no trouble making friends or socialising with them, and if what she says is correct I don't think that would be the case. No one else at home shares her opinion by the way.

This has started to really upset me, and sometimes anger me. I've told her it's hurtful but she says she can't help it. Other times I've shouted at her to leave the room because she's the one with the problem. We will be going on holiday soon and I'm absolutely dreading it. If I could get back the money I would cancel the whole thing, because I don't want to be near her and hear her loud clucking sounds and know that she finds me disgusting. I know that this sounds like a weird problem, but please help me. Is there anything I can do, other than stay away from her? How does that even work, and for how long? She's 14. This has been going on for months. Even in the car she does that when she sits in the passenger seat. How anybody can hear a person swallowing while travelling in a car is beyond me.

OP posts:

LotsoNumbers · 16/12/2016 00:05

Misohonia can be hard for non sufferers to understand, but the noises aren't just annoying, they're rage inducing. Not everyone triggers me so I can happily eat with my sister but my mum or other sister are another story altogether. One clacks the fork against her teeth and the other makes a weird clicking noise and I can't eat in the same room as them without the radio. She is totally unreasonable for shouting at you for swallowing though and she needs to learn to control her emotions and find other ways of coping even if it means her wearing earplugs, or leaving the room.

LotsoNumbers · 16/12/2016 00:06

She may just feel more able to voice (very badly) her intense irritation at her mum...it doesn't mean that other people and other sounds don't set her off, just that she's learnt to control the rage. She just needs to learn the same self control when it comes to the op

ILikeyourHairyHands · 16/12/2016 00:12

I don't think she has misophonia, I think she has a strong case of 'Mothers are repulsive'.

Separation is normal, even cruelty is on some level. I think what she feels is a disgust of 'older'. Your mastication is 'older'.

She just needs a dose of humility really, a dose of humanity.

As we all do at times.

It's just the venality of youth, it's unkind, because youth is unkind. It has no room for any-fucking-thing, not least a noisy dose of human nature. Young people aren't human, they've never had any need to be because life has yet to deal the visceral blows.

It happens to us all. We all become noisy in the end.

She'll get it.

JustDanceAddict · 16/12/2016 08:33

I think it's midophonia too and I also have it to some extent. Dh's loud breathing/eating combo really irritates me. I know it's me so I just try and ignore it or have other sounds on when we eat, etc. I've always been sensitive to others' eating noises.

Thingscanonlygetbetter41 · 16/12/2016 09:32

I dont think it's any form of condition she is just being massively unreasonable. My dd is much the same but can sit in a room full of teenagers lip smacking (her included) but the way I eat is apparently repulsive! I went through a similar stage the way my mum breathed, walked, spoke just got on my nerves , although I didn't verbalise it to her, there was no reason I was just being an irrational pain. Don't question yourself and let it hurt you, although I imagine it does .

Original poster

charlotteswebber · 16/12/2016 09:56

Thank you everyone. I had never heard of misophonia. Now I'm more confused that ever. I think thingscanonlygetbetter41 is probably right because my DD is like that too. She has no problem with others, it's only me. So if I buy her noise cancelling headphones (which I looked up and it looks bloody expensive) it would just be for me. It feels so humiliating, especially if she's wearing those massive headphones on the holiday especially if the extended family asks what it's for. It makes me feel better though to know that if it's genuine misophonia it's nothing personal.

Oh ILikeYourHairyHands, a part of me just died when I read your post. I suspect you're right.

OP posts:

ILikeyourHairyHands · 16/12/2016 11:24

It's fine Charlotte, it really does come to us all in the end. She'll come back to you and it's absolutely healthy that she feels that way about you now.

Bloopbleep · 16/12/2016 11:29

I have misophonia and it's uncontrollable. The noise becomes extremely painful to me and sends me into a rage I'd rather not experience. I get so agitated and angry and I can't turn it off until the noise has gone. If your daughter has this I feel sorry for her because she can't help it. I know it's a nightmare to live with but some understanding of the problem and perhaps working together on a solution (light earplugs for example) might help. Instead of being angry at her try to help her.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 16/12/2016 11:37

My word how uncomfortable:
I feel that this is borderline bullying.... I have no trouble making friends or socialising with them, and if what she says is correct I don't think that would be the case. No one else at home shares her opinion by the way.
She has no problem with others, it's only me

I don't know why she targets you but even if it is a genuine reaction it must put you massively on edge

roundandroundthehouses · 16/12/2016 11:38

I agree that, whether or not it's misophonia, the fact that it's directed at you is unfortunately normal. I'm pretty sure my 15 yr old finds me disgusting at times, for nothing more than just being my ordinary self. For example, she's very keen on a particular pair of YouTubers and often talks to me about them. But a while ago, when I mentioned them to her, she said that hearing me say their names made her feel sick . If I talk about them I have to call them 'the guys' or 'those two' or something, and she'll be able to tell who I'm talking about from the context. It makes me feel horrible, but I remember feeling quite disgusted by my own mother at times at the same age.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 16/12/2016 11:41

Meant to say, I don't have any solutions but we can still love our nearest and dearest even when something very basic they do winds us up. She didn't necessarily set out to hurt your feelings but now it's turned into a real aversion.

LotsoNumbers · 16/12/2016 11:43

Roundandround that is a horrible way for your dd to treat you and I wouldn't put up with that

PolterGoose · 16/12/2016 11:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HeyMacWey · 16/12/2016 11:53

They're just talking about misophonia with the sweetmans on This Morning .

schrutefarmbeets · 16/12/2016 11:54

Yes, I have misophonia and can't bear the sound of people drinking - it makes me so irrationally angry. My friend has it so badly she can't be in the same room as anyone eating. It's a frustrating thing because I know it's irrational but I feel my blood and anger rising any time I hear someone gulp, and need to leg it out of the room ASAP.

It's not you, it's unfortunately her sensitivities, and no doubt it makes her feel equally awful.

HeyMacWey · 16/12/2016 11:54

Speakmans not sweetmans

Love51 · 16/12/2016 11:55

I think roundround and OP are giving their teens too much power and making the situation serious. If it were here, we would be dropping the names of the youtubers left right and centre until dd got over herself. DH and I would be asking each other questions where the answer is the youtubers names. Kids struggle to learn that they don't get to control other peoples behaviour. As for op, I'd tell DD she may politely excuse herself. No drama, no histrionics, just 'excuse me' and bugger off to her room. And get OH if there is one, onside with how she better be treating you with manners, sounds like you need a team on your side, as her comments have got to you. (I was also an arse to my mother, and got away with it til dad chimed in, it felt like she was cheating! Still helped me see sense though)

LotsoNumbers · 16/12/2016 12:10

Exactly love...they may have a problem with you but they don't get to speak to you like that

Patriciathestripper1 · 16/12/2016 15:04

Omg 😮 That's what I have!!!! Thought it was just me.
I can't stand crisp bags or biscuit wrappers scrunching to the point where if someone ((DD or Dh) is taking too long to get a biscuit out I just loose it. I literally cannot stand the noise it makes me so 😡 😤 angry to the point I could snatch the packet and fling it out the door (getting annoyed thinking about the sound now).
Op it's not you. I really feel for you but it is practically uncontrollable for the sufferer. I actually feel like weeping about this. I know how your DD feels and it's horrible but it's not you or her fault🙁

Misspilly88 · 16/12/2016 15:09

Just wanted to say that from my teenage years I also couldn't bear to hear my mum eating. Just can't express the feeling. Part rage, part terror, part wanting to sob. It can't be nice for you but it is a thing, and it's not her fault. But it is her problem. Could she wear headphones? My mum still to this day brings an apple to eat in the car whenever we travel together because she just doesn't understand and thinks it's funny, but it really is traumatic, I'm sweating now just thinking about it .

LotsoNumbers · 16/12/2016 17:02

Misspilly I would refuse to get in the car with my mum if she did that

HarHer · 18/12/2016 21:00

My youngest son (15) cannot stand the sound of his father swallowing and he says moisture comes from his father's breath and that upsets him. My youngest is under assessment for ASC. His father and I are standing united that, even if my son is hypersensitive to this noise, he should use coping strategies (distraction, earphones and hoody) to reduce the impact. It is not easy because my husband is also on the autism spectrum and finds it hard to ignore my son's complaining.

SausageD0g · 18/12/2016 21:11

I have prosopagnosia too (can also be an autistic trait.) I don't think I'm on the spectrum, but do wonder now and then. My dad seems to be.

Cricrichan · 23/12/2016 11:01

I have it too (and so does my dad). Some people are really noisy eaters/breathers but most are fine. In my life the worst culprits are dh, my mum and best friend. I love them to bits but hearing and watching them eat ruins a lot of meals! Also dh spends most evenings snacking whilst we watch TV and it's driving me to distraction. When he doesn't have a snack he sucks his nails and makes a smacking sound. A friend's little boy constantly holds his breath and then breathes audibly.

I'm a quiet eater and breather and so are many people.

SallyInSweden · 23/12/2016 11:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread