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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Shock confession

26 replies

sijjy · 27/10/2016 20:17

Hi first time posting.
I have a very soon to be 16 year old daughter. 16 in 3 days. She has just walked in from being In town with her friends. And has just said. I'm going to say this now because I know your going to smell it on me anyway. I've tried weed today!!!! 
Shocked is a understatement. Have told her that we will have a chat when the little ears have gone to bed. I don't even know where to begin with it.

OP posts:
MakemineaGandT · 27/10/2016 20:19

Stay calm......don't overreact - you want that channel of communication to remain open.........

TrollTheRespawnJeremy · 27/10/2016 20:24

Wellllll... teens are going to push boundaries. 16 is actually the perfect age for it as you can reason with them more than 13/14 year olds....

I'd have a sit down, talk to her about how it made her feel, where they got it from or who they got it from.... if you have anyone on your FB who is a total burnout stoner... now might be a good time to show them to your daughter Wink

That said, I was a bit of a partier in my teens and would smoke at parties. No long term effects and I'm a fairly upstanding member of society. It's a common rebellion- how you react here dictates her next move to be honest.

Original poster
sijjy · 27/10/2016 20:25

Thank you for the reply. What should I say? Something on the lines of well you've tried it now let's hope ur smarter than to carry it on. She is a very gifted athlete that wants to pursue a career within sports I'm hoping if I explain it's not great for you she won't bother again. Maybe naive?

OP posts:
BaDumShh · 27/10/2016 20:25

It's good that she has been honest with you off the bat, you must have a very open relationship.

Don't scream, shout or get angry as it'll just push her away. Talk calmly and ask what made her do it - was she pressured, or genuinely curious to try it? Keep the conversation open and non-judgemental. She may have just tried it once as an experience to "tick" off the list and have no interest in ever doing it again.

In all honesty (I'm sure there are people who will strongly disagree with me) I really don't think a bit of weed every now and then is that big of a deal. Literally everyone I know has tried it at some point - all developed into normal, healthy, fully functioning adults.

cookiefiend · 27/10/2016 20:27

It is wonderful she told you- I would try not to get angry. You are disappointed, but pleased she felt she could tell you. disciss the dangers of drugs- be open.

Original poster
sijjy · 27/10/2016 20:29

I'm so glad I'm getting some replies everybody's point of view is most welcome. I too tried weed as a teen and partied very hard in my late teens. And I like to think I'm quite a respectable adult now. You just don't really want to think of your own children getting up to the things you did. Well I certainly don't. I was quite a rebellious teenager myself.

OP posts:
RubyGoat · 27/10/2016 20:32

The best way of making something really interesting is to put it out of bounds. Just saying.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 27/10/2016 20:32

I really don't think a bit of weed every now and then is that big of a deal

It maybe if she wants to pursue a career in sport.

OP be honest with her but stay calm.

WatchingFromTheWings · 27/10/2016 20:40

As pp mentioned, drugs + a career in sports won't mix. Telling her not to do it may not work so maybe talk about athletes and drugs resulting in ruined careers might be the way to go. I'm sure there's plenty of examples online you could use.

It's good that she's talking to you about it though. She could have easily just blamed the smell on others smoking around her.

Original poster
sijjy · 27/10/2016 20:50

Have had a little chat. She has said she tried it because everyone else was smoking it. I have asked her if she plans to make it a regular thing and she said no. So I just explained that would probably be the best thing if she still wanted to pursue her career in sports as you can't really be a athlete and be taking drugs. She agreed. Worrying thing was she said she liked it. But I suppose we will just have to wait and see if she continues. And cross that bridge if it goes there.
Thank you for all the replies. It gave me a chance to get over my initial shock and gave me some ideas of how to approach it.

OP posts:
BaDumShh · 27/10/2016 20:53

I didn't see your post about her being an athlete until after I'd posted. Stress the importance of a clear, healthy mind and body in order to excel at sport. But don't go too overboard on the "drugs are bad, mmmkay" speech. It didn't work on any previous generations, it won't work on the next. Open and honest conversation is the way to go.

lljkk · 27/10/2016 21:14

Is a performance dehancing drug, for sure.

SailingThroughTime · 27/10/2016 21:21

It might be an idea to give her the heads up about how it can be dangerous for as the strong stuff available today (as opposed to what was available 30 years ago) can trigger psychosis in some people with relatively little use. It's rare but it happens with devastating effects.

Original poster
sijjy · 27/10/2016 22:33

Thank you. I have mentioned to her that if she thought it was safe because people say it's "natural" that it isn't and has all sorts of chemicals added to it now days. I can remember seeing a report or tv program on it quite recently. Hopefully I have given her enough to think about that will make her think twice before she joins in with everyone else again.

OP posts:
thatsn0tmyname · 27/10/2016 22:37

At least she told you.

SailingThroughTime · 28/10/2016 07:55

I think you must be a fab mum for her to feel she could tell you.

Original poster
sijjy · 28/10/2016 10:35

Thank you. I was quite pleased she felt she could tell me. But was also very shocked.

OP posts:
Haggisfish · 28/10/2016 10:38

I'd also advise her to be cautious if there is any family history of anxiety, depression or other mental health issues as it can be a trigger for these in teenagers. Having said that, is rather a teenager that had a fly toke now and then than one who got blind drunk.

IminaPickle · 28/10/2016 10:43

Wow! Good for her for telling you and Flowers for you- you've obviously got a great relationship.
I've always gone down the 'you don't know what you're getting' with weed. It's nothing like what us old gimmers knew. And as Haggis says, the MH risks are still unknown but very very worrying.

SparkleFlutterShy · 28/10/2016 10:45

Have nothing to add OP, hope your DD steers clear of drugs in the future. My DD is only 10 months and I worry about things like this in the future. I hate being a parent at times.

Lweji · 28/10/2016 10:48

Did you tell her about your own experience?
I think that might be useful.
And take the rebellious aspect out of it. Smile

Maverickismywingman · 28/10/2016 10:48

I'm really impressed she told you tbh.

Your DD sounds like a mature young lady.

coffeetasteslikeshit · 28/10/2016 10:49

I really really hope that my 2 DC feel they can talk to me like your DD obviously do with you. Well handled OP!

specialsubject · 28/10/2016 22:25

Because everyone else was?

Baaaaa....

BTW pissing myself laughing at the idea that weed is OK if natural...deadly nightshade is natural too!

YelloDraw · 28/10/2016 22:45

Worrying thing was she said she liked it

Not sure why this comes as a surprise, so many people wouldn't do it if the experience wasn't pleasurable to a lot of people.

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