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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Very embarassing........blush

32 replies

crispyduck · 04/02/2007 22:14

DD1 came to me tonight before settling into bed.

Whats a vibrator, mum?
She is 12.

Please advise? x

OP posts:
colditz · 04/02/2007 22:18

Oh crap.

I think I would say "I will tell you all about it when you are 16."

But it's a cop out.

bananaloaf · 04/02/2007 22:19

electrical device that vibrates when on like a massage thingy????!!

fishfortea · 04/02/2007 22:19

Tell her, you will probably find that she knows more than you think!- TBH I have an almost 13 yr old and I would rather she came to me and asked(even thou its embarrassing) Than for her to either have the mickie taken out of her at sch for not knowing or becoming silent and trying out things you would rather she didnt. I have to be honest my DD comes and asks when no one else is around and sometimes I think its her way to say HEY MUM IM GROWING UP!!!! Dont make her feek its dirty just out it that thats how some people behave!!!!

crystalpony · 04/02/2007 22:20

i think I would say that it's a type of massager and leave it at that if possible.

fishfortea · 04/02/2007 22:22

OK but remember she is 12 and I could imagine she will ask a massager for what!!!!!

DumbledoresGirl · 04/02/2007 22:22

My ds's (aged 10 and 9) were watching Top Gear tonight when they showed a picture of a man apparently having a hard on. The ds's wanted to know what the joke was. All I could think of to say was "You will understand in about 2 years time and be embarrassed to be watching this in front of your parents!" Not very helpful!

fishfortea · 04/02/2007 22:23

LOLS you just wait

Original poster
crispyduck · 04/02/2007 22:25

I told her that we would talk tomorow in more detail iyswim, she has asked me various things lately which tbh I love that about her, but a vibrator, I wasn't expecting that.

OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQV · 04/02/2007 22:25

Just explain it, in basic terms.

crystalpony · 04/02/2007 22:25

Erm............ ! Difficult, because as much as she is getting to that age of curiosity and growing up and not naive as you think, I would hate to furnish her with more details than necessary. (Thinking about my own dd here whose only 4 so lots of time to figure it out hopefully!!)

I suppse you could say that some women use them to - ahem - relieve tension, without making it too much about sex?

brimfull · 04/02/2007 22:25

what you didn't whip yours out to show her!

I have a friend who is shockingly open about hers with her children,leaves it lying around

Original poster
crispyduck · 04/02/2007 22:26

ggirl

OP posts:
fishfortea · 04/02/2007 22:39

If I was you just give her the basics that probably will be enough(TBH she will probably be so embarrassed that she cant get out of the room quick enough!!!!) Good luck and let us know how you get on!

Original poster
crispyduck · 04/02/2007 22:41

thanks fft x

OP posts:
PrettyCandles · 04/02/2007 22:44

Oh come one! By now she knows where babies come from and that sex is pleasurable - hopefully only from hearsay - so what are you trying to hide? Why not be honest and say that it is a vibrating massaging device and sometimes adults like to use one when they have sex. Just telling her that it's for massage without mentioning the sexual aspect is setting her up to be teased for her ignorance. Respect her growing up!

tortoise · 04/02/2007 22:45

Good luck. Just a basic reply i think.

My DS1 9.10 said 'i know what its called when my willy goes hard'. I said 'oh yes whats that then'
He said 'a boner!' Aggghhh! Had to tell him the real word then.

crystalpony · 04/02/2007 22:51

Got to say, maybe I'm a bit prudish but explaining it's exact involvement in sex etc would be too graphic for a twelve year old in my opinion. I know you can't stop kids growing up, but neither do I think it's our job to educate them about sex toys at age twelve.

Like I say, I may well be a prude

fishfortea · 04/02/2007 22:56

Goodluck Crispyduck, I know how hard it is on one hand you want them yo be little miss innocent on the other they show you they are not. Mine actually showed me some things that disturbed me (TBH I thought that Google the sight was safe until she showed me what she had been watching and I was mortified, she had been watching small clips like video cameras and some of them even I wouldnt watch- I very politely asked that she not watch this again and she agreed - I have to trust her on this althou I have to say I do keep popping in to the study to see what she is doing!

bandstand · 04/02/2007 23:09

fft, i dont know if you will see this but ytou can set google to safe search, i did that when my dd (aged 8) was looking for pictures of bedtime, imagine my horror at the picture that came up, and hers, beofre i chagned it!

fishfortea · 04/02/2007 23:22

bandstand no I didnt know you could do this I will try and do this tomorrow- TBH I was absolutely shocked at what she was watching

nappyaddict · 05/02/2007 00:01

sorry im confused fish4tea what was she looking at?

fishfortea · 05/02/2007 00:08

I have to admit Im not an expert on these things but she had managed somehow to get on something that shows mini video clips on ALL sorts of things and I mean ALL sorts of things, bless her she only showed us because she couldnt believe what she was watching- a legless lady crawling across the ground, but it was when she was looking for it- it was then that we realised she was seeing unappropriate material!

PrettyCandles · 05/02/2007 16:36

There's no need to go into graphic detail. Just answer the immediate question and wait for the next. It may be that she won't ask for any more details. though if she does then I would still advocate honesty.

PrettyCandles · 05/02/2007 16:36

That was to Crystalpony.

clerkKent · 06/02/2007 12:51

I was a bit shocked when DS (12.9) explained that James Bond would have to use a dildo after the torture scene in Casino Royale . I am sure he could explain a vibrator too!