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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Ds wants to go to a gig and dh and I are worried.

58 replies

PlinkPlinkFizz · 16/09/2016 09:22

15yo ds1 wants to go to a gig in December, by which time he will be 16. Gigs have never been my scene, and I'm uneasy.

The gig is at The Joiners Arms in Southampton. We live near Reading.

I don't know the kids he's going with (a boy and two girls, all Y11/12). He knows two of them from outside school, and the third is a friend of theirs.

They all live in a small town not far from us, and are going together by car. I don't know who is driving them. Ds planned to go by train and meet them at the gig. "I've checked on Google Maps - it's only 20mins walk away from the station" - this statement really worried me, as I'm sure it shows a huge degree of naivety!

OP posts:

Slothlikesundays · 16/09/2016 11:45

Oops sorry. Misread that! I'd probably make sure he has money for a taxi in that case. But you know your son and how mature he is

MrsJayy · 16/09/2016 11:45

Its southhampton not the bronx give him money for a taxi to and from the station you really are over protective even if you think you are not

charliethebear · 16/09/2016 11:46

I think your right in that walking 20 minutes late at night in a strange city by yourself is quite scary, especially with the prospect of missing the last train (which may happen if a gig). Some posters on this thread have been really rude and a bit ridiculous, its not over protective and it certainly doesn't mean you still wipe his bum
However I do think you should let him go, I would either collect him or give him taxi money to the train station. If there was more than one going by train then fine but as its just him then I would give taxi money. You could also keep cash in your house just in case he has to get a taxi all the way home? That way he can pay for it when he gets home but won't spend your money on beer

Oliversmumsarmy · 16/09/2016 11:47

Personally I would either go and collect or book and pay for a cab for him.

BadToTheBone · 16/09/2016 11:53

I was flying around the world without my parents you that age, let him go.

scaredofthecity · 16/09/2016 11:55

Southampton is a safe city but honestly joiners is not in the best area. There are plenty of taxis and they are cheap so I would think it would be the best idea.

I would definitely let him go though, I started going to gigs at his age and its part of growing up.

scaredofthecity · 16/09/2016 11:59

Though I should add Southampton has a very vibrant and friendly music scene and I've never know anyone have any issues.
The only thing I would be wary of is walking through st Mary's as its a little bit rough

NotDavidTennant · 16/09/2016 12:03

The thing that would put me off is the distance involved. If he misses his train or gets lost in Southampton then you are over an hour's drive away so you can't just quickly drop by and pick him up.

BertrandRussell · 16/09/2016 12:04

Does he have a friend who could go with him on the train?

Shockers · 16/09/2016 12:07

If you're worried why don't you take him and go for dinner while the gig is on?

My parents took me and a friend to gigs at Lancaster Uni, then went swimming and for something to eat while they waited. I was really popular because there were some great bands on there (late 70s/early 80s), but it was a good hour from where we lived.

Shockers · 16/09/2016 12:08

And I like to think of my parents as supportive rather than over protective!

DiegeticMuch · 17/09/2016 16:32

He'll be ok, especially if he has cash for a taxi. It's natural to worry though.

rogueantimatter · 17/09/2016 18:43

I was reading this thinking it might be a good idea to put this on the local Southampton site but I see you've had a reply from someone who knows Southampton.

Could you drive him to and from the town his friends are going from?

stonecircle · 17/09/2016 19:06

I don't think you're being over protective at all! He's year 11 right? As a mum of boys I think a huge amount of growing up and maturing takes place between years 11 and 13.

We're half an hour by train from central London. There's a venue on the other side of London which crops up from time to time - 20 mins walk from a tube station. DS3 wanted to go in year 11 and I wouldn't let him.

Could you find out who is driving? If the oldest are year 11/12 they're either being driven by someone who has just passed their test or, perhaps a parent. If the latter I'd think that might be ok?

VimFuego101 · 17/09/2016 19:08

He seems like he has his head screwed on if he's looked it up on google maps. I'd give him money for a cab back to the station and double check the last train time, and let him get on with it.

greenlolly · 17/09/2016 19:10

I don't think a photocopy of the passport will work for ID. He needs to take the real thing.

TheJiminyConjecture · 17/09/2016 19:53

I'd say it also depends on the band. Some crowds are a lot more punchy than others. The door staff are pretty good at The Joiners too. Most people will be walking the way he wants to go at the end and the way to the station avoids most of the worst parts of St. Marys. If you'd let him go to a gig in Reading (or the festival) he'd be fine in Southampton. (Am a local gig goer myself)

Claramarion · 17/09/2016 21:36

I think some of the comments here
Are awful and judgmental. Are
Yous actually parents it's natural to be worried and concerned.

TheLastHeatwave · 17/09/2016 21:48

I wouldn't let him go on his own. I'd contact to patent who is taking the others & see if they'd give him a life too if I took him to theirs & picked him up.

If they couldn't then I'd drive him down there & ,as someone else suggested, go for a meal while he's in the concert.

Mind you, that would also depend on the venue & the gig. IMO do of them are too tough for younger teenagers.

It feels massively weird to be on the 'over protective' side in a thread. Usually I'm the one saying of course they're old enough to do xyz. Very odd 😁

TheLastHeatwave · 17/09/2016 21:50

To patent? The parent.

Life?? Lift

Tough???? Rough.

Not sure if it's the iPhone or my fat fingers 😊

catchingzzzeds · 17/09/2016 22:06

I'm not sure what I'd do. I'm from the area and The Joiners is in the rougher part of town, he would definitely be safer getting a cab to and from the station. Also, I'm pretty sure it's over 18s at that venue and all the bars are pretty hot on checking ID as a local pub to The Joiners recently temporarily lost its licence for serving under age customers.
Would you consider driving him? We have some great restaurants I could recommend.

Original poster

PlinkPlinkFizz · 18/09/2016 07:41

It's never really been an issue of allowing him, but of ensuring his safety.

We've discussed it with ds, and explained our concerns. He has discovered that the gig will almost certainly end after the last train home. So he's going to get a lift with his friends. Unconfirmed, as yet, and I'd want to know who's driving. This is another example of his naivety - he thinks he knows everything, and doesn't realise that there are things he needs to consider.

We have considered chauffeuring him (or even them all) but TBH it's a last resort option - 3hr round trip for a restaurant meal .

I've also persuaded ds to get a Citizen Card, rather than carry around a dubious photocopy of a valuable document. At last! Because, believe it or not, this mollycoddling mum has been trying to persuade ds to get one for over a year, as I felt it would give home more freedom.

OP posts:

Original poster

PlinkPlinkFizz · 18/09/2016 07:43

The Joiners' website only allows 18+ to buy tickets, but the band's website allows 16+, and tells people to bring ID to the venue.

OP posts:

Original poster

PlinkPlinkFizz · 18/09/2016 07:47

Jiminy, he's never been to any gig before. As a family, we avoid the Reading Festival - we're just not gig-goers. And until 2-3y ago ds was noise-intolerant.

Are you local to R or S?

OP posts:

insancerre · 18/09/2016 07:53

Is there any chance he can get to them before they leave and travel with them in their car?

They are bringing him back, so it seems like the perfect solution

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