Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

If you have a 13/14yr old dd come and talk to me

47 replies

HarryKerry · 29/08/2016 11:39

Are your dds the following things?

Obsessed with how they look
Obsessed with Internet bloggers
Pouting on Instagram
Constantly bemoaning how 'crap/ugly/untalented' they are in a desperate bid for cooing and hair stroking from their friends/family
Pushing the boundaries on make up wearing
The master of the eye roll

My dd (and her friends) are all of these things. Dd is also clever, pretty, musical, has a great sense of humour blah blah blah etc but I am finding these teenage idiosyncrasies very wearing indeed. Particularly today. Harrumph.

Grump.

Grumble.

OP posts:

toriap2 · 29/08/2016 11:46

No sorry, mine is obsessed with anime, cosplay and cadets. My dining room resembles a workshop and I spent yesterday wandering round a comicon surrounded by geeks. She does do a great eye roll though and a good lecture on how I just dont get it! She neeeeeeds that cosplay outfit and I should be glad to buy it for her lol. Her friends are all the same.

Original poster

HarryKerry · 29/08/2016 11:48

What's cosplay?!

OP posts:

toriap2 · 29/08/2016 11:52

Dressing up as charaters from anime or sci fi. I suppose it is a hobby for her.

RoseDog · 29/08/2016 11:53

Obsessed with how they look - not really
Obsessed with Internet bloggers - her life is revolved round when a you tuber puts a new video
Pouting on Instagram - oh yes
Constantly bemoaning how 'crap/ugly/untalented' they are in a desperate bid for cooing and hair stroking from their friends/family - not really
Pushing the boundaries on make up wearing - not really but I do tell her when she resembles a tangerine
The master of the eye roll - oh yes

Also the limited vocabulary that involves - actually, literally, like and generally.

She can also make a drama out of nothing, I find her very interesting to just observe but she is very very mentally draining.

BabyGanoush · 29/08/2016 11:53

my 13/14 year old is none of that...

he's a boy

so we have the opposite problems:

-doesn't give a monkey's about how he looks, needs nagging to brush hair or wash, wears his younger's brother clothes, inside out, stained, whatever. Says: "Life is not a fashion show mum!". Wears socks in crocks

Doesn't do social media
thinks he's great, as are his friends and doesn't care about anyone else's opinion of him
thinks "famous" and "popular" people are overrated/shallow/boring

the only thing I recognise form your post is the eye rolling

Are boys and girls at this age complete and utter opposites?!

I came on here ready to talk about boys! haha. No hijack intended, just nice to compare notes

BertieBotts · 29/08/2016 11:55

My 14yo brother is much more like the DD in the OP :o

So I'm not sure the gender theory works.

Original poster

HarryKerry · 29/08/2016 11:55

Toriap - you learn something new every day. Sounds expensive.

Yy Rosedog:

'She can also make a drama out of nothing, I find her very interesting to just observe but she is very very mentally draining.'

Absolutely spot on.

OP posts:

Original poster

HarryKerry · 29/08/2016 11:58

LOL! Love the opposite problems with boys! I have a DS who is 11yrs so looking forward to all that - not.

I'm being harsh about the 'obsessed with how they look' it's just the preening now before we go out means we're always at the bottom of the stairs shouting 'dd are you ready, we need to go'

OP posts:

SanityClause · 29/08/2016 11:59

I have had two DDs that age, now 17 and 15.

DD1 is incredibly talented, but genuinely believes she is not as talented as she really is. She recently got all As at AS (the highest mark at that level & sorry, not trying to stealth boast ) and really did expect to get Bs and Cs. She's truly not fishing when she worries about her talents.

What does "pushing the bounds with makeup" mean to you? If it means too much for school, then I would say, let her take the fall for wearing too much makeup at school. If she gets a detention, or whatever, that's down to her. If it's the weekend - well, it's her face, and presumably her pocket money that buys the stuff? Leave her to it.

Mine are still into all sorts of Internet stuff that I just don't get, but you don't have to get it. Just accept it's what she is into, and that it's a valid interest.

And you will get eye rolls, of course. Rise above it.

And read Get Out Of My Life, But First Take Me And Alex Into Town.

Original poster

HarryKerry · 29/08/2016 12:09

Wow! Sanity, a teensy bit supercilious there!

I've read that book but think I could do with a refresher on it.

Make up - don't mind a bit of eye make up but it's the coating of completely unnecessary foundation, which I find very annoying. Her skin I absolutely beautiful now (lucky girl but I know it won't last forever), she just doesn't need it and I can't help thinking it will make her skin worse.

Yes the pity party about talent - all her friends are the same - and I'm afraid I do have very little sympathy about it. If it is a genuine concern (eg last year she was struggling with Maths at school) we are very supportive but 'oh look at Florence's legs/arms/hair/nasal cavities, she's so beautiful, I'll never look like her' etc etc is just annoying.

I do accept her interest in bloggers etc but I am still allowed to be irritated by their mindless prattle and even worse having their mindless prattle relayed to me.

OP posts:

lljkk · 29/08/2016 12:44

Mine had a panic attack about her spots the other day she'd kill me if she knew I wrote about that on T'internet. Full blown "I can't breathe" panic.

I pissed her off by not being very sympathetic. After that she couldn't stop shouting at me so I reckon her breathing was fine.

Her spots are noticeable, but even she agrees many kids have 'em worse.

You know, as long as they tell you all that (drivel) stuff that fills their time & their thoughts, then they are talking to you, which is great. It's a chance to together talk about what really matters in life, how to filter out the rubbish & how do they decide what values they want to have as adults.

BackforGood · 29/08/2016 13:03

Obsessed with how they look - No
Obsessed with Internet bloggers - Yes
Pouting on Instagram - No
Constantly bemoaning how 'crap/ugly/untalented' they are in a desperate bid for cooing and hair stroking from their friends/family - No
Pushing the boundaries on make up wearing - No
The master of the eye roll - no

Did those answers for my 14 yr old, would have been a full set of 'no's for my (now) 17 yr old - either now or when she was 14.

VagueButlmportant · 29/08/2016 13:19

DD (14)

Obsessed with how they look - No not really
Obsessed with Internet bloggers - Only Dan and Phil, but yes she's very obsessed with them
Pouting on Instagram - Never
Constantly bemoaning how 'crap/ugly/untalented' they are in a desperate bid for cooing and hair stroking from their friends/family - No
Pushing the boundaries on make up wearing - only black nail varnish. She's had a couple of detentions about that (and the pink hair)
The master of the eye roll - Hell yes!

She's not your typical orange pouty teen, but she's just stormed back upstairs after I had the cheek to suggest she gets up at 1.00pm and removes three day old pizza from her bedroom floor before our guests arrive in an hour.

Sofiatheworst · 29/08/2016 14:00

Yes to all of those in the op and also yes to the limited vocabulary. And the one thing that grates more than anything "kk"

SanityClause · 29/08/2016 16:22

Sorry, I didn't mean to sound supercilious.

I know I have a habit of trying to find solutions, rather than just sympathising. Sorry, if you just needed to vent.

motherinferior · 29/08/2016 16:26

No. She's a fierce little feminist. Not the world's most self-confident but not looks obsessed.

CatchingBabies · 29/08/2016 16:28

My DD is about to turn 14 and only just becoming more image obsessed. She hasn't gone as far as make up except a tinted lip balm but she watches endless videos on contouring and smokey eyes so I feel we're not far from that stage.

She is obsessed with you tubers and online blogs etc. Zoella that sort of thing.

MASTER of the eye roll!!

Figure it could be worse.

pontificationcentral · 29/08/2016 16:34

Nope, sorry, none of the above
Yesterday I spent 6 hours in the mall trying to persuade her to buy clothes for back to school . In the end we bought one pair of grey sweat pants and a grey and black stripy t shirt. That was it. She mostly looked bored but dutifully followed us round and waited while everyone else tried stuff on. She does have major geek tendencies though and I have seen some excitement at the prospect of geekery
I do run a youth program for 12-14yo girls though. I can confirm that your dd is just as normal as mine

Wellywife · 29/08/2016 16:35

DD is 13.

Obsessed with how they look - Yes
Obsessed with Internet bloggers - Yes
Pouting on Instagram - Yes
Constantly bemoaning how 'crap/ugly/untalented' they are in a desperate bid for cooing and hair stroking from their friends/family - No
Pushing the boundaries on make up wearing - No. But faffs with it a lot.
The master of the eye roll - Yes. And the deep sigh.

Spends her whole time taking about make up and skin care. She is also clever. I've asked if she has any opinions about what's happening in the news etc but she tells me she discusses that with her friends!

NeonPinkNails · 29/08/2016 16:39

DD is 14:

Obsessed with how they look - quite concerned but not unhealthily so I don't think and she is developing a nice style although it's pretty much what everyone else wears - I'd love her to be more alternative!

Obsessed with Internet bloggers - completely! I find them so vacuous and self-absorbed but she worships their every word

Pouting on Instagram - a bit but not too many duck faces and no excess flesh on display.

Constantly bemoaning how 'crap/ugly/untalented' they are in a desperate bid for cooing and hair stroking from their friends/family - not really but when she posts on social media it's all heart eyes emojis (from boys) and comments on her figure (from other girls) which I don't like - I'd prefer them not to comment on each other's appearance or feel the need for validation from their peers but of course they do.

Pushing the boundaries on make up wearing - she actually uses it really well and looks lovely - she's given me a few tips! But she's into very expensive brands that I think are ridiculous at her age. She also wears more than I'd prefer for school (although not as much as some) but I pick my battles and let school deal with that.

The master of the eye roll - can be and also master of finding me excruciatingly embarrassing for just existing but at other times she shows she really needs me still and I realise it's all a (pretty annoying at times) front.

She's generally lovely but I do despair of teens in general and their values/aspirations but doesn't every generation?!

OldBeanbagz · 30/08/2016 16:00

My DD is 14 and is...

Obsessed with how they look - Only on schooldays
Obsessed with Internet bloggers - Yes
Pouting on Instagram - Sometimes but always on Snapchat
Constantly bemoaning how 'crap/ugly/untalented' they are in a desperate bid for cooing and hair stroking from their friends/family - No
Pushing the boundaries on make up wearing - Only with what i'd consider OTT for school.
The master of the eye roll - Yes plus door slamming too - though she stopped that when i threatened to take the door off her bedroom!

To be fair she works hard at school, helps out with the family business and does chores at home and her grandparents house.

It's just the 3-4 days before her period starts when she's a devil child

Sadik · 30/08/2016 16:51

No, none of the above. Lots of people tell me how lucky I am to have such a non-teenagery-teenager. She's a delight to spend time with, and we've had a lovely holiday.
She's also been referred to the ASD unit ('lots of aspergers traits' according to the Ed Psych - though it doesn't quite fit really), finds school very, very hard, and I'm absolutely dreading the start of term and the ongoing rollercoaster that is daily life in termtime. While she does have friends she finds socialising hard too and really won't interact with others her age outside of the structured environment of school (the main reason we haven't given up and taken her out).

So overall, OP, be careful what you wish for . . .

Sadik · 30/08/2016 16:52

YY to the 3-4 days before her period starts - usually at least part of them here spent curled up in a ball refusing to interact with anybody.

Original poster

HarryKerry · 31/08/2016 02:28

Sadik - wasn't aware I was wishing for anything, was just having a bit of a grumble.

Sorry your dd is having a tough time.

OP posts:

Sadik · 31/08/2016 08:33

Sorry, just a turn of phrase. I do think a lot of the things you describe are actually just ways of exploring who they are and not necessarily a bad thing (but I can see they're irritating in practice )

Flip

1 2