DS' AS results...the train crash

[CostaRicanBananas]

Hi, DS just got his AS results: C, D and D. As I had feared, he did no revision whatsoever. DS attends a great boys grammar school but I can't see the point of him staying on for another year as he won't be able to do anything with his results - and realistically, if he hasn't managed to work for 1 year, never mind a re-sit plus next year's work. He's got a job with Waitrose, and I think he's better off going into full time work and deciding further down the line what he wants to do than wasting time for another 12 months. I would be grateful for any advice and personal experiences, please.
Thank you in advance and have a lovely Sunday

I would strongly consider giving him a couple of years working full time at Waitrose while he does a bit of growing up and working out where he wants to go with his life. If he's a natural saver let him save; if he's a spender then take money off him and save it on his behalf for later on when he works out what he wants to do next.

DS also crashed and burned at AS. He has brains but hated school, had no idea what he wanted to do in the future, and had no work ethic. After a bit of faffing around with tutors, part time local college and retakes he ended up with some poor A levels. He then worked locally for a couple of years in a shop.

Gradually he 'got it'. The shop recognised his maths brains and honesty and put him to more responsible work (reconciling the tills, banking, handling orders etc). His mate got a job in Scotland and he decided to join him.

The transferable skills from his shop job got him into a banking job. He's now steadily working his way up through the system, is independent, stable, responsible and happy.

Our culture seems to expect every child to follow the same track and the same timescale. This suits quite a lot of kids but not everyone. Change your expectations and let him work, succeed and be happy in a different way for a few years.

He doesn't have to stay at school actually does he? As far as I know he has to be in education, employment or training and so if he went full time at Waitrose that would be fine.

The thing is although he could continue his education at any point in his life it is easier if he gets his A levels now.

Maybe just explain that to him that you are not writing him off and he can work and then continue studying but it would be EASIER if he knuckles down now and got these A levels ticked off. But if he won't then he won't and at 17 you can't force him.
I do agree with the someone above that if he wants money and is sociable he is likely to do well.

Struggling to find any carrot to motivate him. Yes, some teens are just do 'dunno', you could scream!! Maybe it's the French language and the Netherlands trip that needs to be mentioned/slightly threatened?

Twenty years I flew through my GCSEs with no effort, but all A/A*s
But for A level I had no idea how to study and revise. My previous methods (of winging it and just being brilliant) didn't deliver, and I felt more and more swamped. I got depressed and overwhelmed and didn't end up wth results I was proud of (but ended up with a first class bahons and a masters so it's not all bad) Perhaps he needs support to devise the correct systems and techniques. These will be life long skills if he gets to grips with them now.

You are both at loggerheads with each other. You can't make him study or work that has to come from him. Maybe some extended time with his father might be what you both need.

Have you thought about getting him on a btec course? He'd still be able to go to uni, just not to do international law.

I haven't read everything so apologies if this has been mentioned but please check the funding at college carefully. My son crashed his AS levels for all the reasons you mentioned and didn't want to continue them. He went to college and did a BTEC and is off to Uni now, 1 year late. College was free as he was under 19 (I think that was the age cut off) when the course started. If he had gone to work for a year then gone back I'm pretty sue there would have been fees - so please do check carefully.

I would honestly say (having DCs at similar age) you need to stop sorting this for him if he doesnt have a direction. You pushing is part of the abdicating responsibility. You push him onto a course which he then doesnt try at , it's not his fault (in his head).

17 nearly 18? You could start to step back with the support he gets. So, if he isnt trying at his life then why should you? You can start to withdraw the 'easy street' aspects of his life: laundry, ironing, lifts. You wont see him naked and starving but if he CBA then why should you?

If he makes the effort then you will support him but he has to make the first move.

My DS was exactly the same, but with GCSEs. Intelligent, but pissed around and got awful results. He left school at 16, worked rubbish part time jobs, waiter, filling station attendant, retail - all until he got sacked for being late/not turning in.

At 22 years old he grew up. He went to college and did A levels, went to Uni and did a degree, did an additional year to qualify as a teacher and now, although he does not work in the teaching profession, he has a secure, well paid job with a large company, is married with a child, mortgage and is a happy, happy man.

I always felt guilty through the dark years, thinking we should have done more, pushed him to study, stopped supporting him and made him man up, but if you speak to him now, he will tell you that no matter what carrot or stick was waved at him at the time, none of it would have made any difference - he did it when it was right for him, when he was capable of studying hard and determined to succeed.

In contrast, other child sailed through education, university etc and has an equally wonderful life - they just got there in different ways.

I dont know what i am advising really, just wanted to let you know that there are eventual success stories out there.

Nowt helpful to add but am relieved to see so many posts on here where poor AS results aren't uncommon. My ds has just turned 17....his results were B C D. He said he didn't do much as they didn't count to A levels....however I am not sure if the Physics one does. We have said he needs to pull his socks up.We feel disappointed.He is at a Grammar but just can't be bothered.

Another saying you need to step back. He does sound immature and he could well go back to the academic route at a later date. Find out from school what his options are. Likewise, waitrose -the JL Partnership does do a management scheme and he could work towards that. If nothing else, the concrete rewards of more money should focus his mind.

I would also suggest withdrawing help at home - set chores, tell him to do his own washing, ensure he cooks a meal for the family once a week. You don't want him sitting at home, shrugging his shoulders and getting everything from you for free, on a plate, in two years time.

Its needs to be employment with training.

Have you molly coddled him his entire life or does he have independent living skills?

At 17 I don't think you can be sure of what they'll be like as a grown up. They are still very young but think they know everything and are desperate to be grown up.

What about a compromise suggestion? It's a lot less competitive to do mfl at uni and entry requirements to do French (and maybe a new language from scratch?) are comparatively low. Then, if he works hard enough at uni, grows up and still wants to, he could consider the 1 year law conversion course.

Year one my daughter got a levels
D
B
E
This year she sat exams again for d and e and also this year exams she not has a
C
C
D
She if off for university in two weeks.