13 year old dd and bedtime - is this a battle worth fighting?

[Dancergirl]

My middle dd is 13. Having got off very lightly with teenage stuff with my oldest dd (15), dd2 definitely pushes the boundaries far more and likes an argument.

Her bedtime has been drifting later and later. I accept that she might not need as much sleep as I thought so I've relaxed a bit and aimed for between 10 and 10.30pm. She's fine getting up in the morning btw.

However, I've said to her that by 9.30pm her phone should be off and left charging in the kitchen and she should start heading upstairs. Partly because she needs some faffing time and partly because dh and I can spend a bit of time together.

So last night, we were watching tv together, I reminded her it was 9.30, she replied 'in a minute'. After a long moan about how unfair I am, I don't nag dd1 etc etc, she stomped off to bed and didn't come and say goodnight like she usually does.

I suppose I am a bit lax with dd1, she is supposed to be in bed by 11pm but she is also a faffer. But it's late by then and I'm going to bed myself.

This morning dd2 was obviously still in a mood with me

So I don't know. When do you stop enforcing bedtimes? I know teens still need boundaries but on the other hand is this a battle worth fighting?

I wish my DD would go to bed at 9-9.30!
She is 14 and flat out refuses to go to sleep before midnight.
She gets up for school with no problems and is getting excellent reports so no issues with that side of things.
She just has a major attitude and defiance problem just now and quite frankly I'm at the end of my tether with her.
There's no tv or any other devices in her room (all confiscated due to said attitude) and she refuses to read in bed so she literally just sits on her bed being defiant.

9:30 is way to early for a 13 year old to be handing in their phones. Ask her when she thinks is reasonable, that way she will feel in control, and this will make her more likely to be reasonable as then bedtime won't be something that is a battle and it will give you room to negotiate with her. Bedtime shouldn't be a battle like it is with a little kid it should just be more chilled out

My two self regulate with devices and have no bedtime either. I remember the horror of lights out and lying there for an eternity because I couldn't sleep. My older two are both night owls. 16yo is generally still studying/homework at 9.30 so wouldn't take her stuff away when she is busy. She's normally asleep for 11pm and is up at 7.30. 12yo struggles awfully with sleep like I did,but usually is asleep for 10.30 and gets up at 8am. I think they both get the sleep they need.

Lifestoohard lolol at your dd sitting on her bed defiantly ...you can remind her if that when she 's a mum and crying for more sleep

My 13 year old DD goes to bed at 9.30 on school nights, but all devices downstairs by 09.00. Any major fuss about those rules, and the devices go away earlier the next day. Her phone is pretty much all she cares about, so putting it away earlier is the only sanction that works!

I never had a set bedtime for the DCs once they got to age 13/14. Before then they all went to bed around 9-9.30.

They went to bed whenever they felt like it or were finished with homework or bath or showering, and had their own alarms for the morning (initially radio alarm clocks but gradually phones assumed that function). So they have their phones with them in their rooms... They also have tablets or laptops. DD1 had a tv before tablets and laptops were a thing.

They had a lot of homework to get through, and also played sports that kept them occupied until late. But they were also welcome to spend time relaxing in their rooms or downstairs if they wanted to. They were up before 7 as school started at 8.

My rule was that they could deal with school themselves if they overslept. I wouldn't call them out late or send a note.