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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

proud mother of teen

41 replies

Tortington · 13/01/2007 00:47

so ds2 (13, 14 in march) had a GF for about 3 weeks.
smitten with each other they were
she walked miles to call for him so they could walk to school. Suddenly its all off. this was a few weeks ago.

having a chat with him this evening alone in kitchen ( where i do all my 'nonchalant' chats) he reveals he dumped her becuase "she's done it"

how fabs that. i think most boys would want to have a go. but my boy thinks shes a dirty tramp. good lad.

thought i would impart that to the mumsnet massive

OP posts:
colditz · 13/01/2007 00:48

Wow, how unusual!

Kitchens are where aall nonchalant chats in the world take plce.

fortyplus · 13/01/2007 00:49

Oh yes - GOOD BOY! Mine are 11 & 13 and I'm making them keep a knot in theirs till they're 25!

JanH · 13/01/2007 01:12

Hm - I bet he has friends (male) who've "done it" - does he dump them too?

Original poster
Tortington · 13/01/2007 01:16

i am not aware of any, thats not to say there arn't any. I think mates are much more socially important for my ds than a girl. Although as far as i am aware my ds doesnt want a relationship of a romantic nature with his male friends.

i'm not sure of your point janh.

OP posts:
colditz · 13/01/2007 01:21

He's 13 though, he doesn't want a sexually ctive girlfriend and that is a good thing!

JanH · 13/01/2007 01:21

Would a mate of his who did it be a dirty tramp?

Original poster
Tortington · 13/01/2007 01:23

that was my phrase not his.

OP posts:
colditz · 13/01/2007 01:24

yes he would

JanH · 13/01/2007 01:26

Good old double standards, that's all.

Original poster
Tortington · 13/01/2007 01:26

where?

OP posts:
nappyaddict · 13/01/2007 03:02

maybe he didn't dump her because he thought she was a dirty tramp necessarily, but because he doesn't want a sexual relationship and she did?

if he dumped her just because she had lost her virginity, that would sadden me. it doesn't necessarily mean shes a slag. it could have been with someone she totally adored.

however if said girl sleeps with any tom dick and harry good on him.

hippmummy · 13/01/2007 07:51

Hi Custardo, I think whats offensive is that it looks like you've said 'good lad' in response to the fact that your son thinks this girl is a 'dirty tramp'.
I think this is an awful attitude to encourage in a young boy.
A girl is not a dirty tramp because she's had sex, even if she 13.
Be proud of him for knowing his own mind but don't reward him for perpetuating vulgar stereotypes of women.
If thats not what you meant, please feel free to correct me.

fortyplus · 13/01/2007 09:31

As the mother of a 13 year old boy myself - I think what Custardo is getting at is that it's lovely to have a boy who is still happy to remain a child at that age - and is scared off by the idea of a sexually active girl of the same age.
I think far too many people think it's 'big' and 'clever' for their children to be mini adults far too early.
Even little girls wearing crop tops makes me shudder - at our primary school disco some of the year 5 & 6 girls looked like little prostitutes, frankly.

GhostOfMumsnet · 13/01/2007 09:43

custardo, I would say good lad too. At that age I think he's quite right. I would be very upset to think that my dd's were sexually active at that age. I'm obviously not PC but I don't care.

GhostOfMumsnet · 13/01/2007 09:47

BTW my kids are 3 and 5. I'm hoping that boyfriends will be illegal until they're 25 by the time they reach they're teenage years.

Quootiepie · 13/01/2007 09:50

It's nice he thinks sex at that age is wrong, but, I was raped at 15 and was forever fearful that I was damamged and used goods. Even though it wasn't my fault, i've felt dirty and would have been mortified if I had been dumped by someone for not being a virgin. Personal guilt is a big enough load to bear.

PollyLogos · 13/01/2007 09:53

custardo said that 'dirty tramp' were her words not her ds's. Maybe not a good choice of words but I would be as proud as she is.

I am continually amazed at how it seems to be perfectly acceptable for such young teenagers to be sexually active.

I think he did well to do what he did.

tigermoth · 13/01/2007 09:59

I think it's great that he is happy to admit that he doesn't feel 'ready' for a grown up sexual relationship, but can see Janh's point.

I am sure you have pulled him up short about his attitude to sex, friendships and relationships when it is needed.

JanH · 13/01/2007 11:20

It is this whole concept of "damaged goods", which just doesn't apply to men/boys. Whichever boy/s she "did it" with probably brags about it.

It is sad that some children become sexually active so early and OK, he isn't ready for that kind of thing himself, which is fair enough - I know there are still plenty of under-16s who aren't - but for him to just dump her like that, for what might have been just one mistake, who knows, is sad.

I wonder how she felt about it.

nearlymybeetrootday · 13/01/2007 11:21

Janh - I am with your here - sad that she is judged like that

themildmanneredjanitor · 13/01/2007 11:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Tortington · 13/01/2007 11:46

thanks for that.

my son doesnt want to go out with a sexually active girl becuase he is 13.

gosh you really really give a lot of creedence to the thought processes of 13 year old boys

certainly not equiv to 30/40 something guardian readers.

he doesnt want to be sexually active - i think that deserves credit.

but thats ok

dont let me have it, twist it, make a debate from it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tortington · 13/01/2007 11:48

hey if your 13 yo is sexually active then i cant see whats wrong in thinking the behaviour is trampy

OP posts:
Saggarmakersbottomknocker · 13/01/2007 11:52

Custy I think your boy does deserve credit.

suzycreamcheese · 13/01/2007 12:11

custardo, i think it refreshing (& victory for vanishing childhood) that he decided it wasnt for him at the grand ol age of 13 and didn't feel pressured by at all to do it..

..if it was 13 year old girl saying same then i would feel the same ...

and top marks that he could tell his ol ma about it too!