DS refusing to work for his A Levels

[CostaRicanBananas]

DS is in year 12 and has just got back his trial exam results. The only one where he did well was the one where his natural ability carried him through. He's only doing three subjects and anything that requires him to work for it (and this applies to everything at the moment, even rugby which he used to love) just does not happen. I set up a revision schedule, went through as much as I could with him at home and tested his knowledge as much as possible. My two key worries: his lack of appreciation for effort vs reward (put work in, get the results at the other end) and that he's refusing to take ownership for his school work. We have tried it all: setting short-term targets, grounding him, confiscating his mobile phone (so that he's not distracted throughout the day and up all night).

Otherwise, there's no drugs or drinking and he's very respectful of us and house rules. Also, he's very motivated when it comes to his part-time job and is doing exceedingly well. We believe that it's the tangible result (i.e. a pretty good pay at the end of each month) that motivates him, and also the praise from his managers - basically, immediate gratification as opposed to school where is a much longer (in teenage terms anyway) reward. Or this is our interpretation of it anyway.

I have considered whether to just take him out of school and let him go to work full-time, although this is not something that he has ever suggested himself. However, I can't see the point of him staying at his wonderful grammar school for another year just for the sake of his social life, seeing that he's not going to achieve grades good enough to help him secure a place at the universities that he wishes to attend (or that he says he wants to attend! I am no longer sure whether this is just talk to keep mum happy rather than genuine aspirations!).

One interesting point was that with his driving licence, I nagged him for months to apply for the provisional licence. He couldn't motivate himself to do it so I eventually did it for him for his birthday. What I got from this, which I have saw happen with his rugby, was that he really wants to get his licence (and is now very enthusiastic about his lessons, which is mostly paying for with his own money) but he couldn't find the motivation to actually get the ball rolling!!

I have no idea what to do...any thoughts? flowers]

DD is the same maryz - her uni offers are completely achievable if she'd only put in the work from now. I've never believed in bribery but if nothing happens over Easter I might, might try it as a last resort.

Maryz I think we'll be holding each other together on a Leaving Certificate thread again this year .

thank god it'll be the last one

If it's any consolation, my ds is like a mirror. In yr 13 and I have to let him get on with it.

Oh crikey, my DS is going to be the same. He's spent the last two years gazing out of the window. Every parents evening the teachers sigh with fustration.

I tried standing back (he failed all exams) - helping him out and being strict (he did really well in a few) but now he just says he's not motivated. I made him sit at a table downstairs to revise but he just does so little it's almost useless.

Trouble is, a couple of his friends muck about in class but really work in the evenings, and are passing him by.

Joining you here as my DS is exactly the same. Really lazy and unmotivated and doesn't do any studying outside school. Failed one of her Mock AS exams and we were called in to school where the teachers gave her lots of encouragement to work for the next few weeks. She still isn't.

She is also at a high performing Grammar and interestingly there are several year 13 students attending year 12 classes and repeating the year in an attempt to get better grades.

Had the same problem with driving. She couldn't be arsed to apply for her provisional licence and didn't get it for 5 months after her 17th birthday. In the end when I asked her what the problem was she said she couldn't afford to pay for driving lessons ! So we let her chose her own driving school and I paid for a block Of lessons and at least she is getting on with that.

I would let your son stay at school and even if he does badly in A levels there are still several options open to him re non Russel group universities and colleges and at least he has some valuable work experience in Waitrose under his belt.

DD drew a dress for art. Does that count as progress? Tonight she's going clubbing

I'm detaching!!

Mine is just saying he doesn't see the point any more, hasn't applied for university, and has suggested 'touring the country doing gigs' when asked what he plans to do instead.

Hmmmmmmm.

Mine had got up by lunchtime, but as far as I can see he's doing his best to pretend these exams aren't actually happening

Another one here..my DS is doing a BTEC, evidently he's doing well, and is quite confident that he will get what he needs to go to Uni. He NEVER does any study outside of college. He's up all night, and sleeps most of the day when he doesn't have college.

He does have a part time job, which 'luckily' for him is a zero hours, and allows him to coordinate his social life with his work schedule!

He has no motivation whatsoever, and, quite frankly, I can't see him going off to Uni. Personally I would prefer him to get a job, as he doesn't apply himself academically, never has. Even at his work he hasn't aspired to trying to go further.

I am exhausted and drained. I'm a single parent and the ex doesn't give a s* so I have no support either.

I'm a miserable, irritable cow.. Roll on the Summer when at least I/he will know where it's at.

My suggestion is maybe he could consider doing a vocational course such as a BTEC next year if the exams don't work this summer. A vocational course may provide him with a clearer goal, he might be able to see some point at the end of it. The trouble with A levels is they can be so academic and obscure its hard to relate them to real life.
I'm not excusing his laziness, but I work for a College and one thing I have been taught as part of staff training is that teenagers, particularly boys are not nearly as mature as they make themselves out to be. They are essentially children in adult's bodies. We were taught that a male brain is sometimes simply too undeveloped to cope with concentrating, that often it does not mature fully until aged 21-22 and in some cases aged 27-28. This isn't just opinion, its been backed up by academic studies. I can't remember the times I've seen kids come through who mess around and do sod all for 2 years, then disappear for awhile and work in a supermarket or something only to return later on and this time round work like mad. So it sounds like your son falls a bit into this category.

Another one here throwing money at it with an Easter revision course. I know it's taking responsibility away not teaching him to be responsible but I just can't stand it. Am looking forward to saving my vocal chords over Easter.

Can't bribe as he has savings which he unfortunately has access to. They know they're not working- I just don't understand how they don't have a plan B.

He managed to get a D in Maths on his trial exams & last report - his predicted grade is (was??) an A?! Did he do the exams with his eyes closed???

Then tonight he's told us that he can't see the point of any of the stuff that he's learning at school. On the other hand, his work is teaching him vital skills such as gutting fish and learning about cheese. I am not being dismissive of his job (or looking down on anyone! My present career isn't as a brain surgeon ) but he is talking utter rubbish. The matter of fact is that he really wanted the part-time job at Waitrose but, like with everything else, he wasn't up for doing the preparation that it required. So we pushed him. Same old story: he really wants something but not enough to motivate and drive himself.

Do these revision courses work? I didn't even know such a thing existed!

Oh my goodness! One of the local independents is running an Easter revision course: £600 non-residential for 1 week!!!

my goodness! One of the local independents is running an Easter revision course: £600 non-residential for 1 week!!!

Who knows whether they'll work - I am presuming that they'll provide DS with the structured revision time that he is clearly unable to motivate himself to do independently. I an currently a full time student myself so have had to dig into savings to pay - he couldn't care less.

Come July that is it - he doesn't want to go to uni (and I certainly wouldn't encourage him with his current attitude). I am currently trying to encourage him to go travelling for a year but he doesn't seem interested. His plans seem to involve getting lots of tattoos and buying a motorbike although he does seem to have included plans for paying for these.

Stop pushing him.
So many people at my sixth form fucked around for year 12 and redid it. Or took time out and returned to education.
You can't bribe him forever.
There is no point in him getting straight A's and going to a uni that requires those grades if he's just going to get there and do sweet FA because you aren't there to make him a revision guide.

OP and other parents of y12s may like to read/join this thread : www.mumsnet.com/Talk/secondary/2592874-year-12-preparing-for-as-levels? and/or this one www.mumsnet.com/Talk/secondary/2456100-BTECs-starting-2015-General-support-thread

It's true a lot of DC do bomb Year12 and have to repeat it.
I know of several of DS1's friends who did this and knuckled down when reality struck and all their friends had gone off to uni
This was at a sixth form college though. Grammars tend to kick them out.

I'm afraid it doesn't seem to get any better. DS did badly in his AS levels so restricted the choice of Unis he could apply to. He worked a bit harder for A levels and got into the only RG Uni to make him an offer by the skin of his teeth (dropped a grade in least important subject so they still took him). He wants to move across to a Masters course at end of Yr 1 but needs to be at 2.1 level to do this - I doubt he will be. Scraped through one of his module exams at the start of term. He is home at the moment, has at least one assignment to do but has spent the 1st week at home mostly in bed on the laptop on Facebook or watching films. Have asked him at least 5 times this afternoon to get up and showered - he is still in bed. The worrying thing now is that he is wasting £13,500 per annum student loan/tuition fees plus the money he is costing us to support him which we wouldn't be paying out if he had got a job instead of going to Uni. He is adamant he wants a career in his chosen subject but seems to make very little effort.

He announced the other day that he want to go to the USA for his placement year - I told him I wouldn't be funding that so he'd better get his a**e out of bed this holiday and get himself a proper job for the Summer to earn the cash to do it. Needless to say he has sneered at my suggestion to work 12 hour shifts at local food factories

This was me a couple of years ago! I found GCSEs extremely easy and got A*s and As in all of them without opening a single book. I went to each exam having done absolutely no revision at all. When it came to doing my AS mocks, I failed every one because I just had no experience of having to put the work in for a test. I was ill during exam season so had to repeat the year, and matured up a bit once I realised my results were seriously going to affect my future. Even so, I only started revising properly for A2s maybe a few weeks before each exam. I hated my parents nagging me and liked doing really intense revision over a short space of time rather than stringing it out.

My son is currently studying for A2's with his exams in about 6 weeks. He sailed through GCSE's getting good grades without studying and was disappointed with his AS levels (which weren't awful - ACC). He has good offers from Uni's and is desperate to go. With all this you would think he would be working really hard......he doesn't appear to be! He says he is doing a good amount and he's on track but his mock results certainly saying that. he is very sporty and plays a lot of rugby - it is his life! He has now announced he is going away to Slovenia on rugby tour over a weekend 4 weeks before his exams!! He is 18 so I can't say no but I'm worried he will lose vital revision time. How would others deal with this. At the moment I haven't said anything, really because I'm completely speechless!!!!!!!

I am currently in Y13 and didn't work last year and now am paying the price for it.

Last year, I was awarded with CDE so I had a little cry and got angry at myself. I dropped the subject I got an E in and picked up a different subject with more coursework.

I have received Uni offers (no Russell group as wanted to stay at home after deferring) and after lacking in motivation, I am now totally driven by the fact that this will be my last year in school and I have to make the most of it and get the best grades I can.

I did very well at GCSE and now I am predicted A's and B's in my upcoming exams. I also decided to retake the exam I got a C in.. - mainly just to prove to myself that I can get a higher grade and I just performed badly in the exam.

However, I did this all off my own back and with the support of my parents, who have been great.

What I did what write down every single piece of coursework that needed completing and what was missing in my revision gaps. I then ticked off as and when and am on my way to achieving targets hopefully.

Good luck for your DS

My daughter did not get the GCSE grades to stay on at school, it was all very traumatic but we managed to get her into the local 6th form college where she is happy. But she is not revising. I know it is hard for her, she has ADHD, but unless she gets 3 Ds she will be out of there with nowhere to go.
She has not got a p/t job, has not bothered applying although I have pushed her into 2 interviews. The night before one of them she got drunk, so was in no fit state for the interview.
She has no interests or hobbies, apart from watching films/tv all day and night. She is doing film studies.
She does not want to do a Btec or an apprenticeship. I persuaded her to go to see the careers advisor who suggested that she apply for a film degree in the wilds of North Wales ( that we'll known centre of film making.) I don't think she is academic enough for Uni, and she doesn't really want to go.
I have got so stressed by this ( as well as other recent family issues) that I am on medication for anxiety. College are giving extra support, we are paying for additional tuition. But I just know that this August, when she gets her poor AS results, will be as miserable as last August when she didn't get her GCSE grades.
Frankly I want to run away and never come back.....