Older man contacting teen DS, not sure what to do

[Muddlewitch]

This is a bit of an odd one, so apologies in advance if it's a bit long.

DS is very nearly 16, has SEN/mental health issues so is a bit vulnerable although very bright.

DS has a particular hobby/interest (he has fixations that last a while then another takes it's place) along the lines of train spotting or bird watching. He belongs to online forums/email groups about the hobby, as does another adult family member.

This afternoon I had a message request from a man on FB saying he needed to contact me. He also sent a friend request but I didn't accept that as I don't know him. After quite a long winded message exchange it transpires this man has been in contact with my DS recently through this hobby forum. They were messaging regularly through FB and now the man is upset that my DS has suddenly blocked him when they were getting along 'so fantastically.'

I do not know this man, but his name, public FB page, manner of writing etc all suggest he is at least my age if not older. He says he was planning a visit to see DS and do this hobby later in the year and he is dreadfully upset that might not happen as they had arranged it all. I knew nothing of this. He keeps saying how well they get on and that he doesn't want 'it all to go to waste.' He wants me to talk to DS to get him to unblock him, and to make contact with me as that 'seemed like the right thing to do before he visits.'

It's freaked me out, though I am torn between thinking he is dodgy as fuck and thinking that if he was he wouldn't be contacting me to tell me about it all, and that perhaps he is a bit vulnerable himself. Hobby is such that it has appeal for Asperger's type personalities like DS so could be a social boundaries issue I suppose.

This man has sent lots of messages this afternoon, my only response has been that I will check DS is ok but he keeps messaging saying how much it means to him, how I need to 'please please' help him sort it out. And reassuring me he is not dodgy and it's just because they get on so well and have so much in common. I'm feeling really quite disturbed by it.

Haven't spoken to DS yet as other DC are about and think it would be better once they are in bed, and not sure how to broach it at all or if I should be doing anything else.

Am an LP so no one to discuss this with and would really appreciate any thoughts.

Well done. You have done the right thing and you should congratulate both your ds and yourself for raising him to know his own worth

What AF said.

Relieved to hear it Muddlewitch, well done for doing a difficult thing. I'm not suprised you're shaken up. I hope you and your DS are OK

suprised surprised

How are you exchanging FB messages if you haven't accepted his friend request? That shouldn't be possible.

I agree with everything AnyFucker has said. Cut him off and block him, now.

Your son did the sensible thing I think. I would message the guy back to tell him to back off (squashybanana's message was good) since otherwise he may attempt to contact your DS via another friend or family member if you just block him.

You can Facebook message someone who you aren't friends with - it shows up as a 'message request from x' which you can choose to accept or decline.

Oh, thanks Vim!

Yes I can project a bit. In the light of further info I think op did the right thing. The point I was trying to make, not very well, is that IF he had social communication issues a small amount of explanation whilst blocking would be more not less likely to put a stop to his attempts to contact op's son. Autistic people can ruminate excessively, have a strong sense of 'fairness' as it relates to themselves and may go beyond social boundaries trying to 'prove' that their perception is justified (here being 'I'm not a perfect I only want to be his friend). By providing a clear explanation that partially acknowledges his viewpoint but still maintains the main objective (blocking him) you would quite probably prevent him attempting further contact. If you just block him and he feels it was unfair, he may continue to attempt contact to, in his view, 'put it right'.

'Perfect' should be 'pervert'