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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Allowing teenager to take alcohol to a party

33 replies

TheSecondOfHerName · 30/10/2015 17:03

At what age would you allow your teenager to take alcohol to a party at a friend's house? Obviously it's fine for an 18 or 19 year old, and I'm guessing that not many parents would be OK if it's a 13 year old.

I'm asking if there is a middle ground. 15 year old has asked to take a couple of bottles of beer to a friend's party and we said no. Is there a point before 18 at which it would be reasonable to start saying yes? If so, when?

OP posts:
GloriaHotcakes · 30/10/2015 17:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhatEverZen · 30/10/2015 17:13

We first said yes when my ds was celebrating finishing his GCSEs and leaving school

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 30/10/2015 17:14

15 here.

chipsandpeas · 30/10/2015 17:16

when i was 15 i was stealing drink from my folks drinks cupboard (also getting older friends to go and buy it) and drinking upat the local school, behind the shops, pretty much anywhere we could
if my parents let me have the odd one from that age, i prob would have been a lot more responsible
first time my folks let me drink i was 17 was on holiday....then proceeded to get hammered on cheap italian wine in front of them

i think at 15 taking a couple of bottles of lager or cider to a party is fine as long as they are can be responsible and not come home hammered showing that they had a lot more than they should - if they abuse it then clamp down and not allow it for another year or so

specialsubject · 30/10/2015 18:52

I hope the parents know the party is going on and are staying to supervise. Otherwise the chances of vomit central are fairly high, sadly. Too many kids think they can only have fun with the big swill.

Sparklingbrook · 30/10/2015 19:19

It's been fairly common from 16 onwards around here. DS1 doesn't drink though and never wants to take any.

Georgethesecond · 30/10/2015 19:21

16 here. Cider only, no spirits.

snozzlemaid · 30/10/2015 19:25

15 here. I went to the supermarket and found the lowest crappest cider I could. It was about 2% but he went off happy with it.

snozzlemaid · 30/10/2015 19:26

*lowest alcohol content that should say

bigTillyMint · 30/10/2015 19:33

DD was nearly 15 (youngest in year)
DS is going to a party tomorrow. He is 14 but easily looks 18 and can get hold of vodka in a local shop, as can most of the teens round here. I would rather he takes some weakish lager, as he knows.

SparklesandBangs · 30/10/2015 19:40

From GCSE parties onwards here, although they had both had alcohol at home prior to this

Original poster
TheSecondOfHerName · 30/10/2015 20:36

Thanks all, we already let him have a beer with a meal (if we are having one) or at family gatherings.

I think we'll either wait until he is 16 (in 4 months) or after GCSEs (8 months) before we condone him taking alcohol to parties. Most of my friends have younger children, so I don't have anyone I could ask in real life.

OP posts:
Travelledtheworld · 30/10/2015 22:54

16/17 here. She asked me to buy her a bottle of vodka to take to a friends party. I refused. We compromised in some fruity cider and some pre mixed cocktails.

Then I told the Mum who was hosting the party what they were up to. She wasn't pleased, but made sure they all had somthing to eat before they had any alcohol. Everyone was happy.

BackforGood · 31/10/2015 20:14

It seemed to start in 6th form with ds. Before that, he'd always take some pop.
dd (just in 6th form) has gone to a party tonight. I asked if she wanted me to get her anything to take, and she said no, but I did notice another girl who arrived at the same time had a couple of cans of beer.

Like others, I'd rather they were openly taking a couple of cans of something non too potent, than pretending they weren't and then knocking back some illicit vodka.

Equally, I've always encouraged my dc to be comfortable in saying 'no thanks' when there's something they don't want to join in with, and given them strategies and confidence to stick to what they believe in, and not get pressured into taking drink or drugs when they don't think it's a good plan.

hellsbells99 · 01/11/2015 09:05

Both DDs started taking alcohol to parties when they were in the 6th form. DD2 is 17 and took some cider with her last night. DD1 is 18 and took Sours and tequila! We have had a few parties here and I hate the fact that most turn up (including my DD1) with spirits and shots.

DownstairsMixUp · 01/11/2015 09:15

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

SecretSquirr3ls · 01/11/2015 10:18

Both DC started to take a bottle of beer or cider at 16.
The fruit ciders seem to be very popular. The ones in DS2's group who get very drunk /ill seem to be those who drink vodka.

hellsbells99 · 01/11/2015 10:22

Your problems start when they (or their friends) turn 18 and they no longer have to rely on the parents for a couple of beers/ciders Wink

SecretSquirr3ls · 01/11/2015 10:27

This is true hellsbells99. Also, it is naive to believe that having been used to a couple of beers or ciders under adult supervision they will have learned about managing alcohol.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 01/11/2015 10:44

I dont think there's a guarantee either way. Introduce alcohol early at home to take the mystery away, or protect teens for as long as you can and don't allow it. I don't think there's a solid argument for preventing heavy drinking either way in the long term.

I posted upthread that our teens are allowed to take alcohol drinks to parties, and we do allow them to but its a bit misleading because it happens very rarely. Our now 19 year old Ds rarely went to parties and drank because he is very sporty, and is still the same. Ds2 aged 17 isn't interested in going to parties and has only been to about two so far. Ds3 aged 15 has a quiet group of friends and they dont party much at the moment.

If I had a teen who was partying every weekend, it would have to have more careful consideration.

ProfGrammaticus · 01/11/2015 17:27

I think the main aim is steering them away from spirits, regardless of age.

Lightbulbon · 01/11/2015 17:29

I think if you've got teen sensible enough to ask then give them some.

I just nicked my parents vodka.

Verypissedoffwife · 01/11/2015 17:34

I think it depends on the child. My twins are 15 and my son is quite responsible and would only ever have a couple of ciders. He's never been drunk and doesn't want to. His sister on the other hand knocks it back as fast as possible with the sole intention of getting hammered so I wouldn't let her take alcohol to a party. I don't think it would end well.

IHaveBrilloHair · 01/11/2015 17:37

Not sure, dd is 14 and hasn't asked yet, it would entirely depend on the party really.
She doesn't show any interest in alcohol and I always have it in.

icouldjusteatacroissant · 01/11/2015 20:59

One of mine has just turned 16. I had to relent, as I forbade her to have alcohol, so she stayed out all night and I didn't know where she was. Decided it was better to allow it and keeps the lines of communication open.

Problem now is that at the parties round here, they are banned from turning up with WKD as its for pussies apparently. Too weak and you're a wet if you drink it Sad