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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DD wants to get a train on her own

37 replies

twiglet59 · 27/10/2015 14:35

Am I mad. DD has asked me if she can go and meet a friend she hasn't met before through snap chat. I said that it would be ok if I spoke to her parents first. It is also quite a journey to get a train up to London and then a coach from their. In all about 4 hours. I was going to take her upto London and then said she could get a coach the rest of the way. She is only 14 and has not travelled on her own before. I worried about her at the moment too. She is struggling with friendships at school. She had a very close friend and they have recently started to drift and dd is trying to break into other friendship groups.

OP posts:
Tokelau · 27/10/2015 14:38

I have a 14 year old DD and I would say no, definitely. No, she can't go and meet a friend on her own that she hasn't actually met before. No, she can't go to London by train on her own at 14. No, to all of it actually. What if you went with her? Would that be a possibility?

NotAMamaYet · 27/10/2015 14:38

Yes you are mad.

Everything's you have written screams 'danger' imo

Chopchopbusybusy · 27/10/2015 14:41

No I wouldn't allow her to go. She knows nothing about this person.

OTheHugeManatee · 27/10/2015 14:42

I thought this was going to be a train to the next town to meet a known friend.

This? No way Shock

Original poster
twiglet59 · 27/10/2015 14:42

I was thinking it was mad too. Am going to say only way is if I come with her.

OP posts:
chrome100 · 27/10/2015 14:42

I'd be fine with the train bit, she's 14, not a baby. But not with the meeting a stranger part. Can you go with her for the first time?

TigerFeat · 27/10/2015 14:43

No. But once you have spoken to the parents and ascertained she is another 14 year old girl, why don't you and dd meet up with her (and possibly her mum) in London for an afternoon out.

ruddynorah · 27/10/2015 14:43

Why is your dd meeting people on snapchat? Surely she should only be adding people she knows, not strangers.

Katymac · 27/10/2015 14:43

Er no

I let DD go to the next city by herself at 14 -but we did the journey several times together and she was going to a class that would inform me if she didn't arrive

But to meet someone 'unknown'? no chance

bloodyteenagers · 27/10/2015 14:45

I don't have an issue with travelling on her own.
But meeting a stranger. Are you mad? Cannot believe anyone thinks that's a reasonable question tbh.

NoSquirrels · 27/10/2015 14:46

Going on a train at 14, probably not a problem (depending on maturity etc.)

Going on a train to the capital city, then transferring to a coach, at 14 = not unless no other forms of transport were available and she'd done the journey before a few times accompanied

Going on a train to the capital city, then transferring to a coach, then going to meet someone she's only "met" on the internet, on SnapChat, at 14 = NO WAY IN HELL.

Please don't even consider it. Invite the SnapChat friend to your place, or take your DD to meet her somewhere in the middle and supervise from a distance i.e. coffee shop together at separate tables etc.

BertrandRussell · 27/10/2015 14:46

The train bit's absolutely fine- my 14 year old DS has already travelled from Kent to Edinburgh twice to visit his big sister.

But making a journey like that alone to meet someone she doesn't know? Absolutely, categorically, not!

waitingforcalpoltowork · 27/10/2015 14:47

this? nope to meet regular friends yes but strangers? no

bloodyteenagers · 27/10/2015 14:47

Can I also recommend that you sign up with CEOP. The site has lots of useful info for you both to stay safe online

HeteronormativeHaybales · 27/10/2015 14:48

With the others in seeing far more of a problem with the 'unknown' friend than with the train.

I'd go with her, drop her off and actually meet her and the parents, then (if happy with the whole set-up) take myself off to a cafe/shopping/for a swim for a few hours and collect her later. Appreciate that with such a long journey this might involve an overnight stay somewhere with her afterwards, but if practicable, and in view of her struggles with friendships, I would make a weekend of it with her - dinner and a night in a hotel/B&B after collecting her from the friend.

NotCitrus · 27/10/2015 14:50

Journey bit - fine.
Random stranger who could be anyone even if you speak to their "parents"? Hell no.

Go with and meet somewhere neutral in London.

FeelsLikeHome123 · 27/10/2015 14:51

Yes Mad, Crazy infact, letting your 14 year old dd go off on her own to meet some randomer off the Internet. Anything could happen to her, it could be anyone there waiting for her and she'd be there all alone if it were to go wrong. Please find other ways to help your dd make new friends such as hobbies/similar interests.

VimFuego101 · 27/10/2015 14:52

getting the train - fine.

Meeting up with someone she only knows via snapchat? absolutely not fine.

rogueantimatter · 27/10/2015 14:52

How do you meet someone through snapchat? I thought you have to know someone to exchange snapchat 'addresses'?

And how would this friendship have any chance of being sustainable when they're so far away?

Better to get into new friendship through shared interests IMO

f1fan2015 · 27/10/2015 15:08

This might not be in AIBU but I was going to say YABU then read it was someone she has never met let alone you not having met them.

YANBU to say no but if you want to let your daughter go and you go along - make sure you meet somewhere very public. Please educate your daughter in internet safety, you can never trust that the person on the other computer is who they say they are.

Helenluvsrob · 27/10/2015 15:27

4hr train journey at 14? No problems, We can do that ( with a bit of education and practice).

Meeting " friend" off the internet at 14- no way- even if they were round the corner!

And ... I'd be especially wary if she is feeling friendless and " needy" . She's a groomers dream customer.

Original poster
twiglet59 · 27/10/2015 15:44

Thanks for all the answers. Don't know why I even contemplated it. Lot's of good advice.

OP posts:
IHaveBrilloHair · 27/10/2015 15:49

No, and I let my then 13yr old travel four hours on her own to see her bf, but she had met him in person, he was a friend of my friend's dcs and my friend was in the same town should dd need help.

sarahsarah34 · 27/10/2015 15:57

No. DD 14 does get the train to London (50 mins from here) with friends and I'm fine with that.

However I would not let her travel alone to meet someone she's never met before. I'd be concerned about why she wants to and how she added a stranger anyhow and why!

WhyDoesGastonBark · 27/10/2015 16:03

I'm sorry but alarm bells are ringing for me. Look up Breck Brednar - he was local too me. His mum campaigns tirelessly about this sort of thing. Say no