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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Teaching teenagers the value of money

68 replies

Louboutin37 · 07/10/2015 15:04

So, DSD is 15 this month, and like some teenage girls has a little bit of a sense of entitlement and had a bit of an unfair moan at her dad last month. The basis of the moan was that all her friends have Michael Kors handbags, Marc Jabobs phone cases, so and so's dad is going to buy her a brand new car when she passes her test etc. Instagram and Snapchat (which she's heavily into) just magnifies this showy obsession.

She also had what I thought was a bit of an unreasonable go at her dad for having a Ralph Lauren hoodie in his wardrobe, something that he didn't get until his early thirties. We explained to her that neither of us could afford anything vaguely designer until we were much older than her but it did no good at all. Her response was "well you could have spent that money on me Dad, I was born before you bought it"

She's a lovely DSD on the whole but constantly pressuring for money, her pocket money (Direct Debit into her account each month, £10 from both sets of Grandparents and my DP) is always saved for relatively high end high street purchases to keep up with her friends. That means that she is constantly complaining of no spare money for lipsticks, music downloads etc.

We stick relatively firm on not bailing her out but will occasionally treat her to the odd tenner once a month if she's been nice to her brother and we're out shopping.

She doesn't really have any concept of the value of money, regardless of how much we tell her and she's still a little bit too young for a part time job. I've read up on this and there's conflicting theories online about how to teach them through chores etc. Does anyone have any tricks that they have tried that have worked wonders?

I'm toying with the idea of taking a weekend budget, splitting it 3 ways then asking her to contribute equally to everything we do from food shopping to petrol and coffees, treats etc. Is that a good idea or will she starve herself all weekend and walk away with £40?

OP posts:

19lottie82 · 12/10/2015 14:22

Good idea OP..... Chances are she will think £50 is "loads", but soon realise, once you have to pay for everything, it won't cover as much as she thinks! I don't know if I agree about "charging them their share" when you go out for a meal though, that seems a bit....... I don't know how to word it! But IMO if you want to take them for a family meal then pay for it, but if not, don't. What would happen if you all wanted to go but one child couldn't afford it?

Original poster

Louboutin37 · 12/10/2015 14:27

I l know, that does sound a bit harsh, but it's about letting them make the choice on their budget. DP and I will occasionally treat them, but we don't want them to think that we will every time.

DSS is a real fusspot when it comes to food, however he seems to do alright when it comes to Pizza or Nando's, but anything home made he's odd about. we've been out before and I've suggested going to somewhere like Pret or cafe for lunch as it's cheaper, funnily enough he's not interested.

we'll have to play that one by ear I think

OP posts:

scatterthenuns · 12/10/2015 14:27

Jobs are the only way to teach the value of money.

When they are on their feet for hours for pittance is the only time it hits home.

19lottie82 · 12/10/2015 14:31

That's fair enough but what if you're in a situation where you have to eat out (if this happens) and the kids have spent their allowance?

19lottie82 · 12/10/2015 14:33

Get your DSS to make a list of things he likes to eat at home and stick it to the fridge. that was if he tries to get funny and say he "doesn't like" something, you can call his bluff!

Original poster

Louboutin37 · 12/10/2015 14:35

oh that's a good idea!

I think we'll have to plan in advance to eat out, this is only going to work if we're pretty brutal about following the guidelines in the first month or so. the second we show we're a pushover it's going to be game over!

OP posts:

BetaTest · 12/10/2015 14:53

We give our DSs the Family Allowance money plus money from Grandparents.

They have that to spend on clothes and going out, music and gadgets.

DS1 spends everything instantly. DS2 spends nothing.

I am very worried about DS1 because he is obsessed by having the latest designer clothes, etc. It stems from insecurity and poor social skills. His younger brother is highly socially adept and does not need clothes or possessions to bolster his self esteem.

Social media and being 'liked' is a huge pressure on teens.

nooka · 12/10/2015 21:16

I'd be careful about the eating out thing. I think I'd offer to go where you want and treat them and if she objects and wants to go somewhere more expensive say OK, but only if you pay your way. You also need to be careful that it doesn't impact on her younger brother because that wouldn't be very fair.

Depending on the age gap you could introduce the allowance idea for your DSD and not yet for DSS. Growing up graduating from pocket money to an allowance was a bit of a right of passage. I felt very grow up when I got mine :)

minimalistaspirati0ns · 12/10/2015 21:57

She just needs to get a job!

Georgethesecond · 13/10/2015 09:21

I think asking her to pay for food, supermarket bits and meals out is mean tbh. And I think it will breed resentment. Teenagers are good at resentment!

19lottie82 · 13/10/2015 14:24

Rather than making her pay for supermarket bits she "throws in the trolley", just don't take her to the supermarket. Surely this would be easier and cause less grief?

CurlyhairedAssassin · 13/10/2015 18:14

Yes. I'm also at the throwing posh ice cream etc. in the trolley. Can't you just treat her the way everyone else treats their kids and say "not this week, we're on a strict budget." Or "hmm....it's a bit expensive. if you want the Haagen dasz we can't get any more . Why don't you try this tesco's own version and then youcan get the chocolate too?" Or "ok, seeing as I said no last time."

Am I missing something? I don't get how difficult it is to have those sorts o conversation. But maybe it's different with step-children. Do you feel guilty at saying no?

She sounds extremely brand conscious. Start telling her she's an advertiser's dream and calling her a sucker!

nooka · 13/10/2015 18:54

I take my teenagers shopping with me so that they can help. Fairly normal surely? Cuts down the time significantly. If they want something fancy for no very good reason, which sometimes they do then I might treat them, say no or ask them to pay. Doesn't seem to cause any great issues. In the days when we had only one income and were a lot poorer they didn't ask nearly as often and accepted it wasn't a option most of the time.

PowderMum · 13/10/2015 19:42

OP I think your plan is OK although to me it is low, however we have a very reasonable household income and whilst both our DC have had an allowance since they were 14 it is far less than my monthly disposable income.

They have to cover most of the items you have listed and we worked out the amount together from what we were spending on them and what they thought they would need for the last 4 years at school. They don't pay for food or anything that comes from a supermarket, spending money on holidays would only be for items they normally pay for, not eating out etc. Both DC have learnt to budget this way. DD1 didn't have a job through school and was happy to live within her allowance. She has gone off to uni with the skills to manage her finances whilst there (although we are still paying for her) she now has a total budget that has to include everything. When she is home for the holidays we pay her food and treat her as we want to and have the money to do it.

DD2 is more like your DSD and has a busy social life and spends more on clothes etc. She is just old enough to get a job and fully intends to.

Original poster

Louboutin37 · 16/10/2015 13:54

sorry, busy week!

I think one of the key things here is that this isn't an affordability issue, it's an attitutudinal exercise that we might only try for 6 months.

I'm fortunate enough to be on a very comfortable wage, however the material leanings of DSD are causing both me and her dad concern. She's got into that what I call "Vacuous" crowd at school who idolise the Kardashians and think that the world will be delivered on a silver platter with the Chanel logo emblazoned across it!

Please don't think its mine or her dad's influence at all, could not be further from the truth. Neither of us are flash harrys.

What we're trying to do in this is teach her to understand the cost of things by seeing the money physically leaving her hands (or debit card) when she wants them, and lose that "Princessy" whine that she seems to have picked up.

When I was her age I got £10 a month from my parents and had a Saturday job from the age of 14 to top it up, That was a long time ago so I think this is on a par. My parents didn't treat me to anything other than "room and board"

OP posts:

beautygal29 · 17/10/2015 19:11

I'd have her volunteer at a soup kitchen or homeless shelter.That should help put things in perspective whilst doing something kind for others.

mrdaddypig · 18/10/2015 12:23

i never got an allowance i was born in 60's and by time i was 16 i was paying my parents rent wages where low then but the money went further i used to pay £10 a week

Anotheronebitthedust · 19/10/2015 19:51

I don't know, expecting her to pay for toiletries (if by that you mean things like toothbrush, tampons, deodorant, etc. and not expensive make up seems pretty harsh at 14 - these are essentials, imo and if she is already jealous of the luxuries her friends get she will be even more resentful if she even has to pay for 'basics' herself.

Same with the chipping in for her meal part - it's up to you I suppose but it does seem mean - just don't be surprised if she sits there with a glass of water staring at you all eating so she can keep the £10!

It would just seem easier to me to not go out at all rather than do that!

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