Teaching teenagers the value of money

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So, DSD is 15 this month, and like some teenage girls has a little bit of a sense of entitlement and had a bit of an unfair moan at her dad last month. The basis of the moan was that all her friends have Michael Kors handbags, Marc Jabobs phone cases, so and so's dad is going to buy her a brand new car when she passes her test etc. Instagram and Snapchat (which she's heavily into) just magnifies this showy obsession.

She also had what I thought was a bit of an unreasonable go at her dad for having a Ralph Lauren hoodie in his wardrobe, something that he didn't get until his early thirties. We explained to her that neither of us could afford anything vaguely designer until we were much older than her but it did no good at all. Her response was "well you could have spent that money on me Dad, I was born before you bought it"

She's a lovely DSD on the whole but constantly pressuring for money, her pocket money (Direct Debit into her account each month, £10 from both sets of Grandparents and my DP) is always saved for relatively high end high street purchases to keep up with her friends. That means that she is constantly complaining of no spare money for lipsticks, music downloads etc.

We stick relatively firm on not bailing her out but will occasionally treat her to the odd tenner once a month if she's been nice to her brother and we're out shopping.

She doesn't really have any concept of the value of money, regardless of how much we tell her and she's still a little bit too young for a part time job. I've read up on this and there's conflicting theories online about how to teach them through chores etc. Does anyone have any tricks that they have tried that have worked wonders?

I'm toying with the idea of taking a weekend budget, splitting it 3 ways then asking her to contribute equally to everything we do from food shopping to petrol and coffees, treats etc. Is that a good idea or will she starve herself all weekend and walk away with £40?

Job. Both my 13 and 14 y/o have Saturday jobs in a cafe. Really has taught them how hard it is to earn money.

She's not too young for a job.

I think good techniques to teach financial responsibility are earning money, getting an allowance that is stuck to (no regular giving in to pleading), matching savings for bigger things (my parents did this with driving lessons).

My two (16 and 15) get a relatively small amount of pocket money at the moment, which is in theory in exchange for them helping around the house with cleaning and cooking. We don't dock it when we have a lazy week though. They can earn more if they want to do big chores like cleaning the cars or big jobs in the garden.

Their cash is enough for an occasional coffee/snack, music track, small gift etc each week. dd managed to save enough to get her hair dyed but it took her a few months.

They are both old enough to get jobs and lots of the friends work. We are pushing ds to get something going, but he's not very motivated by money. dd has lots on her plate so we've not been so keen for her to work yet.

I had an allowance from I think about 14 for all my clothes and I'd like to do this for my two but dd says that she prefers to go shopping with me!

Our DD used to be a bit like this and it didn't help that DNiece was given everything she asked for including a brand new car for her 17th. They are very close in age and went to the same school. SIL and BIL earn far more than us though and most of her stuff just wasn't in our budget and after a bit of whinging about the unfairness of it all, she realised that she wouldn't be getting any of it.

Then she got a job last summer and earnt over £700. Once she realised how long she'd have to work for the Jack Wills hoody or smartphone she wanted she soon changed! She still has the job now and earns around £200 a month - she has more disposable income than I do! Definitely try and get her working. Round here, the major supermarkets take on checkout staff at 16. Is she just 15, or nearly 16?

I hardly think £30 a month is 'down right mean' for a 'nearly' 15 year old ? ! ?

My nearly 15 year old gets £15 a month (phone contract is paid by us - £8 per month) and manages fine - understanding that he needs to save up for a 'designer' item. It is a lesson we all have to learn that some people are richer than us, and others are a lot, lot less fortunate.

She could certainly start by earning some money by baby sitting or a paper round.

Ours get 10 from us other money from Saturday Job and monthly paper round.

ragwort £7.50 a week would barely cover bus fares to go out and see friends ect. It's not even a cinema ticket or a top from New Look. And barely a tube of lipgloss!

I'm not saying extra money should be handed on a plate, but £30 a month is not enough for the average teen if they have to buy clothes, do social activities with friends, top up their phone ect.

And I didn't say £30 a month was mean..... I said £10 a month pocket money from her DF was mean! That's £2.30 a week! The other £20 she gets from her GPs shouldn't affect what her dad gives her.

I'm not saying she shouldn't be looking for a job, of course not, but unless they have good financial reasons, giving a teen £2.30 a week and expecting her to have a social life and get involved in activities with her friends, is pretty crap!

Sorry that should have said buy their own clothes and have a social life, is pretty crap!

Why aren't people complaining about her mother then who appears to give her no pocket money at all from the OP. Different families have different expectations and ways of doing things. Some may pay for a bus/train pass, phone contract and clothes and give pocket money on top, others might provide an all in allowance with no additional spending. You can't really compare the two by just looking at the amount of money given per month.

I'm with Ragwort, GingerDad and others - my 14 yr old get £14 a month from us and my 16 yr old gets £16 a month from us.

Of course £30 a month is MORE than adequate, 19lottie82 - after all, I don't spend that on myself.
Not all teens are obsessed with buying clothes and make-up you know. Going to the cinema is hardly 'essential' - if you want to treat yourself to something expensive like that, then you either save up, or choose to spend your money on a cinema trip and not something else you might choose that fortnight.

She sounds awful! Sorry.

She can get a part time job now. Washing up in a cafe and baby sitting are both practical options now

I wish I could have £30 to spend on myself each month. What a luxury

I think working really changes their perspective - realising that the top they want is the equivalent of a day's wages is quite a reality check.

All of DS's friends are much more materially privileged than he is (and he's very fortunate IMO) he's just had to get used to the fact that life is unfair - some people have more, some less. If he wants more, he has to work for it as I am not in the position to give him any more than I am.

Backforgood..... Yes but what else do you buy for them? As in extras? Phone contract? Clothes? The OP makes it sound like the DSD has to buy her own clothes....... And she only gets £10 pocket money from her DF (the £20) from GP's is a separate matter.

My DSD has just turned 15 and she gets £20 a week in return for good grades and helping in the house ( we also pay her phone contract and up her clothes that she needs) as do most of her friends, she is in no way spoilt!

As I said I when I was 15 (back in 1997!) the norm was £10 a week!

Again , I'm not saying that she doesn't sound slightly brattish at the moment, and I agree that a job is the way to go but I have to say that from My experience Her pocket money is definitely below average for a 15 year old!

Some people haven't got the spare cash to subsidise pocket money. Tough dc have to live with ot or earn.
Op dss was a bit like this until he went to uni, failed to budget and moved back to his Dm having been bailed out by everyone. In fairness he now studies and works hard and seems to have grasped how hard it is to earn money. At last.

No, as you are asking, I don't pay phone contracts - my dds are on PAYG, but, tbh, rarely use credit - they mostly use wifi wherever they are and message people via FB or Whatsapp.

Clothes - I buy then things they need and then any things they'd like they either ask for at Birthday or Christmas or (older one) could save up from her earnings from her PT job.

I'm not sure why you're so keen to discount the money she gets from her Grandparents. At the end of the day, she has £30 disposable income every month - that is a LOT of money for a 14 yr old, IMO.

Now, I know this is a question that always produces answers as varied as there are posters replying, and I have no problem whatsoever with people with large disposable incomes giving their dc whatever money they want, if that's what they want to do, but I take issue with you saying £30 a month isn't enough for most teenagers.!

BfG ok that your opinion, but in mine, it isn't a lot.

Let's say the £30 a month has to cover. Mobile @ £10 a month, that leaves less than £5 a week for seeing friends. Not even enough to for a return fare into town and a macDonalds (for example) while they do some window shopping, or a lipstick (also for example).

19 Then she has to learn that if she wants to go into town every week have a McDonalds/buy a lipstick/whatever she will need to get a part time job or use savings (Christmas/Birthday gifts ?). My DS certainly doesn't expect to go to town every week and have those sorts of treats.

As someone else said, many mumsnetters wouldn't have £30 to spend entirely on themselves every week.

Correction - As someone else said, many mumsnetters wouldn't have £30 to spend entirely on themselves every month

Quite.

thanks for your input all! DP and I had a long chat at the weekend and after I sat down and did some numbercrunching on Friday we've come up with a plan.

So at the moment, her Dad and I pay for all entertainment, treats, occasional items of clothing and meals etc when they are at my partners. This includes things landing in the trolley when we're shopping (J20's popcorn etc at the weekends and at least once a month I will treat them to a pizza hut or Nando's meal.

We reckon that with the occasional ad-hoc top ups and treats we both give them that we're paying out at least £50 per child per month.

Her mum buys her school uniform, essential toiletries etc and the occasional treats so she's not hard done by in any stretch of the imagination.

we're going to propose the following:-

£50 allowance on the first of each month paid into her account. This is to cover the following:-

Toiletries at her dads
Clothes
Weekend treats
basically anything she wants over board and lodging at her dads, she needs to put her hand into her pocket and pay for. we'll feed her to the usual standard (but if she wants the Haagen Daas thrown into the bargain she needs to buy it because her Dad and I don't eat it) If we go out at the weekend and her and her brother agree they want to go to Nando's we ask them to pay their share of the bill (I reckon this is about a tenner)
when we go on holiday she needs to save a little bit towards her spending money rather than us.

Her brother will get similar but slightly lower each month for the moment as he's younger.

They will both still get birthday and christmas presents etc. But if there is nothing left by week 2 of the month there is no bail out. it's up to her to manage it responsibly.

we will reserve the right to occasionally offer to pay for a family day out (theme park, city day out etc to be sure that we can still do some things together of course)

Thoughts anyone?

I should add, the theory on this is to try and enforce a bit of fiscal responsibility with her, not giving her more money than she had before. I'm hoping that when we give her the choice of how to spend the money we would have spend on her anyway before that she'll start to see that top end goods are a long way out of most people's reach!

Sound spot on to me OP. Hope it works out.