Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

16 yr old very upset over text messages from dad

52 replies

ginandtonicpleasee · 10/09/2015 11:31

Ds is being accused of being an alcoholic by his dad. He lives with me and has cut out most contact with him dad over issues with him. However, Ds was out with friends yesterday, a good friend of mine picked him up and said that he was very upset and her daughter(also 16 and a good friend) was worried about him. His dad was texting him all evening, accusing him of having a drink problem and needing help. Son was in tears apparently.. And ended up drinking because of it :-(
I have tried to discuss things with ex but he is completely unreasonable. How do I support my son.. Who has held down a job all summer, helps me and my partner whenever we ask and looks after his gm(my mom) and just hangs out with his friends in town occasionally.

OP posts:

JeffsanArsehole · 10/09/2015 11:42

and ended up drinking because of it

How??? How is a 16 year old getting hold of drink? And yes, if he reaches for alcohol at times of stress it is a problem.

Which of course I'm sure you'll help him with. How are you going to do that?

MuttonDressedAsGoose · 10/09/2015 11:46

While his father may not be communicating helpfully, it does sound like your son has a problem with alcohol.

Original poster

ginandtonicpleasee · 10/09/2015 11:54

No he doesn't, but thanks for the opinions!! He is a generally happy, healthy non smoker who likes football, fishing and his friends who is having a horrible time with his dad at the moment. I have been in touch with his school and we will try and set up counselling to help him deal with the bullying.

OP posts:

MommysNotTalkingToday · 10/09/2015 12:00

Pretending your son doesn't have a problem isn't going to help him op. You can be a non smoker who exercises and has friends and still have a problem with alcohol.

Scobberlotcher · 10/09/2015 12:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Groovee · 10/09/2015 12:03

Why did he turn to drink due to the stress? Does his dad have a point?

Having a parent with an alcohol problem is hard for me. But I know and admit it. Your first step for your son is Does he have a problem with alcohol and if so where can we start to help him not rely on alcohol?

MerryMarigold · 10/09/2015 12:05

Good questions, scobber.

Reading the OP there was a red flag around his father upset him so he needed a drink. Turning to alcohol at a stressful time, and blaming something else for drinking. Both fairly classic alcoholic behaviours.

OP, ignoring it, isn't going to help. You don't need to come down on him like a ton of bricks, but burying your head in the sand will lead to problems further down the line and is not being a responsible parent. Alcoholism so young can lead to serious health issues. And it is going to get worse not better if you ignore it. It's up to you though.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 10/09/2015 12:06

Reaching for a drink in times of stress is not healthy behaviour. I know this, because I do it myself and I wish I could stop.

I'm not 16 though.

It sounds like his dad has been massively unhelpful, but it doesn't actually sound like his dad is wrong OP. You need to open your eyes to this.

NerrSnerr · 10/09/2015 12:08

A 16 year old shouldn't be turning to drink due to being upset. He can still be a lovely, helpful boy with a problem. Even if he isn't an alcoholic it sounds like there is some kind of problem.

OneDayWhenIGrowUp · 10/09/2015 12:11

You support your son by helping him deal with his problem with alcohol. He's 16, he is a child, he shouldn't really be able to access alcohol on the first place, but certainly not to the extent that a parent would have a concern about his reliance on it. And if he's using alcohol as an emotional crutch, then yes, he has a problem with alcohol. As his parent surely your reaction should be concern, not denial?

TwmSionCati · 10/09/2015 12:15

yes he has an alcohol problem enabled by you, as evident from you blaming his dad for the son taking a drink.

TwmSionCati · 10/09/2015 12:16

oh lol I jsut noticed your user name - sorry but isnt that like someone with a username 'rollajoint' denying that son has a weed problem?

MerryMarigold · 10/09/2015 12:20

It may be a bigger issue. If OP admits her son has her problem, she may have to admit she does.

Original poster

ginandtonicpleasee · 10/09/2015 12:30

Oh my goodness.. Can you hear yourselves?! My son did not come home drunk. He has come home drunk once ever, for which he got grounded. His dad left when he was 4 ( to have a relationship with a 16 year old funny that considering his sanctimonious attitude to his own teenagers but anyway) my user name was a joke to cheer me up over posting in the past with other family issues.. for which I did thru mumsnet find help. Anyways getting helpful advice elsewhere this time :-)

OP posts:

TwmSionCati · 10/09/2015 12:31

" Can you hear yourselves "

Can you hear YOURself?
Sorry but it is classic addict behaviour to blame everyone else for your drinking.

noiwontstoptalking · 10/09/2015 12:33

gin it might be helpful to say why your DS's Dad has come up with this notion that he is an alcoholic?

I think that's why people as asking - it's a odd thing to think about your 16 yo.

NerrSnerr · 10/09/2015 12:34

I'm sorry OP but please re-read your OP, it does sound like he has a problem from what you wrote, if that's wrong then you need to elaborate, I admit, I got drunk a few times at that age (there was one spectacular vomiting incident) but it's the whole turning to alcohol because he was upset that is worrying. Is there a reason why his dad thinks he's an alcoholic?

You do seem quite defensive about this if I'm honest.

RachelZoe · 10/09/2015 12:38

Son was in tears apparently.. And ended up drinking because of it :-(

That is a problem. I have 16 yo twin boys, if they were drinking alone or turning to drink in times of stress, I would be extremely concerned.

Drinking with mates at a reasonable level? Fine. Drinking alone or using it as a coping mechanism, this would be very concerning if it was an adult, never mind at 16.

He needs help.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 10/09/2015 12:39

OP I got drunk when I was 16, but that was because it was funny, illicit, a way to feel grown up, a way to fit in with the crowd.

The idea of drinking because I was upset - it just wouldn't have occurred to me. That's what people are saying, they're not pearl clutching because DS has/has had a drink - it's that he's using drink as a crutch. That's not normal behaviour for a 16 yo, and that's what you need to explore with him.

CatThiefKeith · 10/09/2015 12:46

Op, I mean this gently, but going purely by your user name, do you drink much yourself?

CatMilkMan · 10/09/2015 12:46

Accusing a 16 year old of being an alcoholic is a very strange thing to do, u till the 16 year old then has a drink because they are upset.

If I was you I would tell your son that he doesn't need to speak to his father if he doesn't want to, then I'd consider that my son may have a drinking problem.

OneDayWhenIGrowUp · 10/09/2015 12:47

OP, 12 separate strangers have read your post and can see a massive red flag concerning your son's welfare. Yes we can hear ourselves.

I appreciate you don't want to listen right now. But please have a really good think about what 12 people can see in what you've written and why they all see it as a problem.

LuisSuarezTeeth · 10/09/2015 12:54

Good grief, let the OP explain a bit before you pile in!

Why is his Dad saying this OP? Was it after the one time he got drunk? I take it DS is not a regular drinker?

Scobberlotcher · 10/09/2015 13:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MerryMarigold · 10/09/2015 13:15

Personally, I feel if there wasn't a drink problem somewhere, the questions would have been answered.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread