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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Do you hate the way they dress?

55 replies

Tumbledryer · 06/08/2015 17:24

Everything dd16 wears has to be skin tight and if its a skirt or dress, just barely covering her backside and there has to be the maximum amount of cleavage showing. She is a beautiful girl and does not need to draw attention to herself like this. She is also quite curvy but it makes her look much bigger than she actually is. Of course I cannot mention any of this to her as I get accused of calling her fat when I do but I worry she is drawing the wrong kind of attention to herself by "flaunting" her body. This sounds really old fashioned and prudish I know but that's the way I feel. Should I just keep quiet and let her get on with it as any "advice" I might give will not go down too well. Any thoughts?

OP posts:
UnsolvedMystery · 06/08/2015 19:01

It's her body - if she wants to flaunt it, she has every right to do so.
I bet she looks gorgeous

HelpMeGetOutOfHere · 06/08/2015 19:10

I hate the way my teen dresses for different reasons. He's 18 and has awful taste in clothes and poor hygiene. I just don't get the poor hygiene bit. He has a girlfriend how can she bare to go near him? He's very slim but muscular and wears skintight jeans, horrible mesh or American style t-shirts and a stupid 'snapback' cap. His girlfriend is very pretty smells sweet and dresses nicely, skinny jeans, converse, check shirts or maxi skirts with stroppy vest and open check shirt.

My other teen, ds2 is 13 and he just doesn't care. His hygiene is slightly better, although getting him to brush his teeth is hard work. But in terms of clothing he just grabs the first of each thing that comes to hand. I've had to make sure whatever I buy is a shade of blue and shorts/jeans are just blue or black.

I don't feel that either ds is a representation of our family
, both Dh and I take care over appearances as in ironed! Coordinating and no rips etc plus hair brushed, teeth brushed etc

BareGrylls · 06/08/2015 19:18

It's tricky because it doesn't sound as though her "style" actually suits her and she is just following the crowd.

I think the best you could hope for would be to encourage her to find an individual look and not follow slavishly what her friends wear.

I never wore purple knitted hot pants with red over the knee socks. Oh no.

Mrsjayy · 06/08/2015 21:11

16yr old girl wears short skirt shockerGrin you really need to let her be but you can advise that you think its to short or to booby ultimatley you cant tell her what to wear maybe she is trying to attract attention from lads or maybe she just likes how she dresses

parabelle · 06/08/2015 21:23

Are you paying for the clothes? Don't you get a say in what's bought? Disclaimer-mother of pre-teens, hanging around on the teenager board trying to learn.

Dancingqueen17 · 07/08/2015 18:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Minifingers · 07/08/2015 21:37

I've said to dd - 'you can't go out in that'.

She's got 34GG breasts and will wear tops that - literally - show six inches of cleavage. I'm always yanking her tops up.

It'd be dodgy on a 32 year old woman. On a 16 year old it's..... just, no. Shock

Minifingers · 07/08/2015 21:38

Can I add - we're also talking skin tight and short. I could cope with that - it's just the sheer amount of cleavage.

Claybury · 08/08/2015 12:44

DD 16 says she gets hassled by men on a daily basis no matter what she wears. Her argument is therefore why should she cover up.
Personally I would not feel comfortable dressing like she does walking down the street knowing men are openly leering. She says they would do so if she was wearing jeans and a baggy top.
I do worry about her going about on public transport in tiny dresses, with cleavage and buttocks showing ( literally, the stuff they wear is SO short ).
All I can say is, like every other teen issue on my house, she will NOT BE TOLD.
She did shock her granny the other day who had never seen such short shorts before !

specialsubject · 08/08/2015 14:21

not a matter of being hassled, just a matter that most normal people don't want to see a stranger's arse, even if it is 16 and female.

put it away, please. It's the no 27 bus, not the beach.

BackforGood · 08/08/2015 14:49

I agree with specialsubject.

It's not about being hassled, or "Victim blaming" (as is a favourite phrase on here) it's about having a bit if self respect and decency.

I don't want to see a teenage lad's underwear when his jeans are too low slung.
I don't want to see a "builder's bum" on anybody.
Nor do I want someone's breasts on display in front of me, be the owner of them 16 or 60, tbh.

In all cultures, there are different things that are considered socially acceptable, and those that aren't. Teens will always push boundaries. It's part of our job as parents to let them know when they've crossed a line. It doesn't have to be banning them or 'putting them down', or criticising, more through encouraging them when they make really good choices, yes, and letting them in on those thoughts such as only ever showing leg or cleavage, having conversations over many months about how nice X or Y looks in this outfit or that, and how much you like it when they wear Z.

Finola1step · 08/08/2015 15:01

I personally don't like the vv shirt skirts or bum cheek shorts. Nor do I like lads wearing jeans so low that you can see their arse through their white undercrackers. And while we're at it, I'm not keen on sleeve tattoos as well.

But then I'm in my 40s and I'm not supposed to "get it". Just like when I started clubbing in 1990 wearing white hoodies with a silver motif, desert boots and baggy jeans. I looked ridiculous in that garb but its part and parcel of being a teenager.

My DD is only 4 and already has some interesting outfits she puts together. I just know that in 10 years time, she's going to look really "interesting" and "different". Bless.

Twentyninedays · 08/08/2015 15:09

I have learned to keep my mouth well shit in the subject of teen dress. I do wince at the orange face and huge black eyebrows. She'll grow out of it; she's a bright girl, and everything passes!

Twentyninedays · 08/08/2015 15:09

Shut!

wheelycote · 10/08/2015 07:51

Oh yes

nooka · 11/08/2015 18:00

Currently I rather like the way both my teens dress. It's very hot where I live and so dd is mostly wearing short shorts (not ultrashort ones but only an inch or two off - we couldn't find anything longer) and vest tops with floaty shirts. In the winter she wears leggings and lumberjack type shirts instead. She's not in a partying group and doesn't do school discos, so no evening stuff yet.

ds having been a total scruff is not into formal wear and so he wears a shirt and jacket all the time (except when he is in pjs). Recently he's taken to wearing a scarf too. Everyone comments! Crazy boy :)

nooka · 11/08/2015 18:02

not = now!

IHaveBrilloHair · 11/08/2015 18:05

Dd is currently going through a goth phase, all black lipstick and clothing.
I think she looks fabulous, it's not my taste but it doesn't need to be, she has purple/black hair too.
I love seeing her grow and experiment.

GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere · 11/08/2015 18:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nooka · 11/08/2015 19:27

He does Mermaid, we are talking the high 30s too! I bought him a cotton scarf but he likes the wool one I bought him for Christmas better. Still his previous style involved wearing two or three tatty hoodies on top of each other. I think he likes the feeling of lots of clothes. He tells me he'd like to like somewhere cold and wet when he leaves home (so back to blighty for him I guess!)

nooka · 11/08/2015 19:27

I think I have two or three photos of me as a teenager - more when I was younger and had awful awful mum hair cuts Grin

Spidermama · 13/08/2015 19:37

I'm with fortycoats. Well done Tumble for being open to this. My dd dresses sounds like yours, curvy, fond of tiny tops and skirts/shorts. I was worried because she seemed vulnerable to me going out like this but she was outraged at my comments, told me she dresses for herself and she can handle herself. She's right of course. I'm more relaxed about it now.

The attitudes of men, especially in the current climate with loads of porn which seems to focus entirely on the women being 'done to' rather than doing, can be unnerving. But we can't let that inhibit our daughters from expressing themselves.

To that end can I recommend the ch4 documentary 'Sex In The Class ' for everyone who has teenagers? It's brilliant.

Ravingloony · 12/11/2015 11:41

Just found this and had to comment. Dd16 has gone off to college in a tiny skater skirt, bum cheeks on full view if she bends over or the wind catches it and a top (age 9) on the tight side! She's a 32DD! Just pleased she's wearing tights, not that they cover much.

I couldn't help but comment Hmm

Gracell4545 · 12/11/2015 15:43

I'm not so bothered by clothes DD has tried many styles it's the hair/make up I have to bite my tongue with. She wears so much mascara they all clump up like one massive eyelash, her foundation has to be bright orange (as is my carpet Angry ). Her hair changes colour often then she spends days in misery when it's not the colour on the box but lightbulb yellow.

PurpleTreeFrog · 12/11/2015 15:54

I really think at 16 you have a totally different attitude towards clothes and self esteem.

For example, I was slim and pretty at that age but felt ugly and horrible wearing anything that wasn't extremely tight fitting! The reason being I'd been wearing unflattering horrible school uniform for years and years. When finally given the opportunity to express myself with my clothes and show off my "woman's" body and prove I'm not a little girl anymore, I wanted to wear tight clothes and short skirts to achieve that.

Now I'm older of course I don't feel that way anymore or dress that way. But I'll bet that's the underlying reason most teenage girls want to dress this way.