Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

she lied about sleepover, wwyd, quick advice needed please!

65 replies

Gymbob · 24/06/2015 15:48

DD 15, said she was sleeping over at her best friends last Saturday night. just found out she wasn't there, she was at a party and got drunk. I am so cross Angry

relevant consequences, punishment, or what?

don't want to overreact, but I have no idea where she was Shock

OP posts:
Original poster
Gymbob · 24/06/2015 19:50

thanks again, and glad you're muddling through.

she's calmer now, and has told me that she was the only one at the party that didn't have sex. when I asked how they managed it with parents there, she said they had quickies in the loo. I don't know who any of them are apart from her best mate. do I tell her mum, or butt out?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 24/06/2015 19:51

I would tell her best mate's mum

I did

Newtobecomingamum · 24/06/2015 20:23

Sorry do you really believe that??... Everyone had sex in the loo?? This is rubbish!! She is obviously saying this to you to make herself look good by not participating. It's just lies.

If you speak to the girls mum about the 'sex' you are going to cause more problems. Your daughter will be even more angry, girls mum will go off on one and her friends will turn against her, call her a liar etc...

You could just call the mum to confirm that there was a party and if they were in attendance and what the sleeping arrangements were. I certainly wouldn't mention the sex.

I think the grounding is a suitable enough punishment, but I would not have taken her phone on this one.

I would try a different approach, take her out for a pizza (out the house and no this is not a reward!) to clear the air and have a proper chat with her about what she did wrong and an understanding of acceptable behaviour. You have got to build your relationship up again with her so she can feel she can talk to you. Otherwise if will be vicious cycle of her misbehaving, you punishing, her repeating and will continue on.

Good luck OP

chandelierswinger · 24/06/2015 20:31

I did this when I was 15 too... My Mum took a similar approach to newto above. I remember the chat only too well (over 20 years later!)- it was about trust/deceit/drinking and putting oneself in danger; I was mortified. I asked my Mum not to tell my friends' Mums too, which she agreed to, as that would've been worse than being caught out myself. Good luck OP...

lljkk · 24/06/2015 21:13

I'd be dragging her along to get a MAP. If she's embarrassed to fuck, will so she should be.

Original poster
Gymbob · 24/06/2015 21:33

MAP? wtf?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 24/06/2015 21:34

"everyone else but me had sex"

jesus, I would take that as a sideways admission that she did too

or at least make sure she got the consequences of that, like ljkk said

Original poster
Gymbob · 24/06/2015 21:43

I've questioned her again on the party sex. she lies as we know and her story always changes. a few had sex she said. it was an indoor and outdoor party, the adults were outside all evening and the shaggers were inside.

I've decided not to tell the other mum. there would be no other way she could find out so it would be obvious it came from my DD.

she's gone to bed to read now, and has been watching TV with me tonight as she has no devices. she hasn't done that since Xmas.

she accused me of not caring earlier on, but recently she said she believes I really do care, and its really annoying as it means she can't do as she wants Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Gymbob · 24/06/2015 21:47

no she hasn't had sex yet, of that I'm sure. she does want to but she has major hang ups about her body and isn't ready. she wants her first time to be with her boyfriend in a relationship.

OP posts:
lljkk · 24/06/2015 21:52

That's a great attitude & I sure hope it's very true.

lljkk · 24/06/2015 21:56

ps: I meant the part about wanting sex to be special is right & great attitude, not the bit about body hangups. Although they are pretty standard with teens, maybe a good thing in this case.

I wonder how many kids at the party claimed falsely to have had sex in the bathroom. I bet the boys claiming to have shagged girls is somewhat higher than other way around. Ruddy teenagers.

FriendofBill · 24/06/2015 22:07

Sounds like you are doing well Gym, not easy to keep calm when you are scared witless for her.

Can you make an arrangement to put devices down for a period each day as this has worked so well?

Original poster
Gymbob · 24/06/2015 22:07

I got what you meant lk Grin I asked how many were virgins of the shaggers, but she claims not to know Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
Gymbob · 24/06/2015 22:11

we do have quite strict rules on devices, but evenings up until 9 is screen time. she likes to read after that, not spend time with me, but it would be nice if she'd do it!

she was feeling particularly melancholy tonight!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 24/06/2015 22:51

of course she is "melancholy, she's been caught bang to rights !

stay firm, fgs

New posts on this thread. Refresh page