Could you forgive this?

[wannabslim]

Im going to keep this VERY brief.
My son has been seeing his gf since xmas. she is slightly younger than him. he is 16, and she turned 16 in March.......or thats what we all thought!!!!!
We found out in May that she had actually turned 14 in March!!!!
My son was gutted, I was fuming!!!!!
After many many arguements and lots of lies from her, he nevertheless is still with her! He is aware of the consequences and he knows I will NEVER speak to her again, but my reasoning is, is that if I try to stop him seeing her, it will push him even more towards her.
Like I said, this is a very brief tale about whats gone on and there have been other lies that she has told that ive found out about (through texting her mother and her own mother telling me she lies)
My question is, Could you ever forgive this girl, or at least get along with her for his sake?
Many thanks for your responses x

If things turn sour between them she could make a complaint anytime in the future, she could have second thoughts years hence and make an official complaint either against him for underage sex when he knew her age or against the police for taking no action. You just don't know how people will be judged in the future - look at the recent cases in the news where famous people have been tried for historical sexual offences.

Math makes excellent points, in all honesty if the police have told him she's underage then your son has no defence. You are very quick to blame a girl who is significantly younger than your son for being in the wrong, he knows the score, he's also responsible.

There's another thread going from a 14yo girl's perspective. You might glean some strategies and possible consequences for the boy involved.

mathanxiety he is definatley thinking with his man parts im afraid!!

anotheremma he took himself for a test and thankfully its clear.

atworknotworking i have taken a massive step back now and dont get invovled with her or her family. he is my main concern, and he knows im always there for him, no matter what. And I try alot to try and make him see what could happen, without pushing it to a point where we could potentially come to loggerheads. My ds is a type of teenager where if you tell him not to do something, he will do it all the more (as most teenagers probably do)

LIZS she is known to ss and has a sw due to her parents having concerns about her sleeping with older boys (this was before my ds), yet her parents still allow my ds in house, whereas i stopped her coming here straightaway in a way to hopefully aid this to fizzle out

chippednailvarnish i am in no doubt that my son is also responsible, and believe me, he has been read the riot act for this, but, and this does not excuse the fact he still sees her, he has been "sucked in" by the lies and his feelings have obliviously grown for her, and at 16, its hard to stop those kind of feelings. Im just hoping he will see one day soon that this is not the kind of relationship to be in

bgottalet i know what you mean....we actually had a conversation along those lines last night!

LIZS thanks for the heads up on the other thread, i will take a look

If this social worker gets wind of what is happening here, she will be obliged to report this as a criminal offence.

The then 14YO DD of friends of ours was seeing a 19YO boy. Her dad took the boyfriend for a one on one chat and made it very clear that any attempt at sex would be a criminal offence and he'd have no second thoughts about reporting him to the police. They also weren't left alone in the house at any time. He knew damned well that stopping them seeing each other was more likely to cause problems (DD has behavioural problems), so this way our friends remained in control.

Luckily things fizzled out rather quickly.

acatcalledjohn as far as im aware the ss is aware and has told the girls dd to "not encourage it"...... yet the mother still allows my ds in the house. This i have stopped, but i have no control over what her parents allow. Apart from locking him away, im lost for what to do. Even the police said to me that there is little i can do when he leaves the house as he is 16.

OP please look at my threadwww.mumsnet.com/Talk/teenagers/2371541-14-year-old-daughter-having-sex-with-boyfriend-eek

To see the other perspective. I am not saying it is the same as your son but believe me you do not want the hell we are currently going through. I wish my dd's boyfriend's dad had sat him down immediately it came to light and scared the hell out of him, which I think is what you must do. The police interviewed everyone involved in our case, dd would not make a complaint but it was made abundantly clear to the bf that had she done so he would have been formally interviewed, could have been prosecuted and the consequences would have been extremely serious. Please put a stop to this now however difficult it is. Good luck

Sorry link not working try again. Skip to the latter pages of the thread for the fallout from the situation

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/teenagers/2371541-14-year-old-daughter-having-sex-with-boyfriend-eek

OP, if SW has told the girl not to 'encourage' it, and finds out it is still actively happening (even with her consent), your DS might find himself in a bit of an awkward position. A PP stated she knew of a 17YO boy who got in trouble for sleeping with a 15.5YO girl. Just something for your DS to know. You sound very sensible overall, but just make sure your DS understands that he can get in to serious trouble for this.

lincolnshirelassy thanks for your link, i actually read it last night after someone on here made me aware of it. I really feel for you and can understand and relate to all you said. Hope things are ok xx

acatcalledjohn I make him aware of it daily, and he knows he can, hes a bright lad.....just unfortunatley at this moment in time, his feelings are ruling his brain :-(