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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DD ran away tonight. I don't know what to do.

31 replies

ZoZoJumps · 27/04/2015 22:18

She is on her way home now I think.

She went to a friends house and they wanted to let her stay but I couldn't do it. I am so scared if she gets away with it she will do it again so I've made them send her home.

I am terrified I've done the wrong thing. What if she doesn't get home? I don't drive. They don't have a car. I told them to call a taxi but she refused. They have walked her to the bus stop and put her on but I don't know if she will get off and run again.

I told them to put her in a cab but they couldn't force her to do that.

I feel like I don't know what I'm doing.

Should I have let her stay? I don't have anyone here. I don't have any support with her.

I'm sorry for rambling.

I want to scream at her to get in the taxi because I can't take it if she gets the bus but I don't want to upset her more and make her more likely to run.

Everything is falling apart i need someone to tell me what i should do next? should i punish her for this?

OP posts:
Coconutty · 27/04/2015 22:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
ZoZoJumps · 27/04/2015 22:21

she is 14. she is on the way with her friends dad to the bus stop. he will put her on the bus.

OP posts:
ragged · 27/04/2015 22:22

Why was it so bad for her to stay tonite at the friend's house?

ragged · 27/04/2015 22:23

Sorry, xpost, So she was there with adults who you trust, but you'd rather she came home on her own? Did you guys have a row?

YDdraigGoch · 27/04/2015 22:24

Do you know why she ran away? Was it out of the blue, or has it been brewing for a while?

Original poster
ZoZoJumps · 27/04/2015 22:24

should i have let her stay for some space?

she asked for a friend to stay over but i said no. so they planned for her to come home from youth club, get her stuff and just walk out.

that's why I felt i couldn't let her get away with it. but what if I've made it worse and she gets off the bus and goes god knows where

OP posts:
Invizicat · 27/04/2015 22:26

First of all don't panic. The great thing is that she let her friends tell you where she was and agreed to come home. That's really important.
Secondly, she is as safe on a bus as she is in a taxi. Does she have a phone?

I wouldn't punish her tonight (if at all). She will be tired and emotionally wrecked tonight and you wouldn't be able to have a reasonable talk. I'd give her a cup of tea and something to eat and send her to bed. Then talk calmly tomorrow about why she did this and what you can do to resolve things between you.

Original poster
ZoZoJumps · 27/04/2015 22:27

shes been unhappy for a while. we are with camhs now but waiting for the assessment.

she has been difficult about going to school or doing her chores. always feels so hard done by and i have tried so hard to make it better but she wont see how much she is loved.

OP posts:
ragged · 27/04/2015 22:43

You didn't have a choice, she tried to pull one on you now shoo her to bed when she gets back & tomorrow is a fresh start. when do you expect her back?

Original poster
ZoZoJumps · 27/04/2015 22:49

she has just got back. She went straight to her room.

I don't think i can sleep now though

OP posts:
ragged · 27/04/2015 22:51

:(. Would it help to chat with her?

usualsuspect333 · 27/04/2015 22:53

I think you need to leave things for tonight and talk to her tomorrow.

No don't punish her.

BrainSurgeon · 27/04/2015 22:53

Sounds like she might a bit more level headed than you give her credit for?

I feel for you, I know what it's like when your guts hurt for worry...

My two pennies - keep talking to her about 'how much she is loved' as you said. It will eventually get through.

Wishing you patience and best of luck!

Original poster
ZoZoJumps · 27/04/2015 22:59

I will leave it for tonight.

I want to hug her and scream at her in equal measures.

she can't see past her self at all right now and i understand its a teenage thing and she probably has depression and it's part of that but it's so hard watching my kind caring daughter care so little about us all.

i feel like everything i do is wrong for her. I wish i could make it all better but i don't know where to start.

OP posts:
IHaveBrilloHair · 27/04/2015 23:00

Pull her in, show her how much you love her, and repeat.
I say this as the Mum of a 13yr old who sounds similar.

usualsuspect333 · 27/04/2015 23:03

If you need to do something tonight, give her a hug if she will let you.

BrainSurgeon · 27/04/2015 23:03

I'm sorry I can't offer more than a virtual hug {{ }}

If you think/know she is depressed then you need to work on that.... you also need to keep yourself strong, for her sake and yours.

IHaveBrilloHair · 27/04/2015 23:04

And mine says she has had the best weekend of her life as I took her on holiday with her friends, yet she still managed to have a massive sulk, and her arms are chopped to bits with her self harming.
And earlier she hugged me because I made her a cuppa.

Original poster
ZoZoJumps · 27/04/2015 23:07

It's just so hard to know what the right approach is.

I'm trying to be consistent. I keep things clear with consequences to actions but she takes all of that as proof that i don't care.

I think she's angry at her father - he walked when I was pregnant and she's never met him. She has huge rejection over that I know. But she's so angry with me for not giving her a better life or a normal family.

I know it's not but it feels so personal. Like I am not enough and everything I have done alone for the last 14 years has meant nothing at all because of his decision.

I appreciate your replies thank you. Its so bloody hard doing this alone Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
ZoZoJumps · 27/04/2015 23:13

She won't let me hug her. I'd love that right now but I asked if she wanted just to sit with me, no talking, just sitting and she shut her bedroom door.

she is in group therapy for anxiety and is waiting for a full assessment. I will ring and update cahms in the morning to see if this pushes them along a abit.

No doubt she is in her room now cutting up her arms.

We had such a lovely weekend too.

OP posts:
usualsuspect333 · 27/04/2015 23:14

She did come home though. She's safe now.

Maybe some counselling will help her make sense of some of her issues.

Original poster
ZoZoJumps · 27/04/2015 23:17

I hope so. I don't know what else to try.

I'm sat at the top of the stairs.

I don't want her sneaking out in the night. she is stubborn and she wanted to spend the night away and part of me thinks she will try her hardest to get that at some point tonight.

OP posts:
Thetruthshallmakeyefret · 27/04/2015 23:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ancientbuchanan · 27/04/2015 23:28

It's miserable.

Ds flung out of the house and worse recently. When he got back, I decided just to remain calm and say " I do love you, you know. " we had a furious bust up last night where he blamed me for not bring a better mother and giving him a better life, but I kept saying I do love you, I know things are grim, I'm sorry I can't make them better, but I do love you.

She will be in turmoil and frightened. Write her a note so she sees it when she opens her door, saying love you now and always, mum, no matter what.

Tomorrow, at some point, ask her what she would do in your place.

Now get a cup of tea. And hugs.

Original poster
ZoZoJumps · 27/04/2015 23:31

No drugs or partying as far as i know.

It is excessive. I'm emotionally rung out right now and probably overly desperate for something that i can do. Stopping her leave would feel like an acomplishment right now to be honest. I won't stay here all night but i'm just listening out to see is she settles.

OP posts:
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