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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

It's my birthday today! You wouldn't think so.

54 replies

Slippersmum · 04/04/2015 11:50

Now I was not after a delivery of an enormous bunch of flowers but something, anything! No cards, nothing. Not even an acknowledgement that it is my birthday. After some promoting my dd spat out yea happy birthday whatever. Not even sure what that meant My other two were exactly the same. So I sat down (in private) and burst into tears. I guess I am here just to moan and feel sorry for myself really. It was all made worst when my youngest ds (aged 5) said I don't know why they are so mean to you mummy when you are so nice to them. I cried again. I remember making a real fuss of my mum when I was a child. Where did it all go wrong? Any chance of a virtual hug? It's not just me is it?

OP posts:
Musicaltheatremum · 04/04/2015 17:57

Don't buy anything for their birthdays when they come and when they complain say that you didn't think they wanted to do birthdays anymore as they hadn't got anything for you. We have always celebrated birthdays.

IceniMist · 04/04/2015 18:29

Do they have Easter eggs tomorrow? Can you use it to teach them a life lesson?

Roussette · 04/04/2015 18:40

Hathall that is so sad with your friend, I would be so upset.

jelliebelly · 04/04/2015 18:43

If you've had birthday money then take little one out with you and treat yourselves. Talk to the teens about how disappointed you are and ask them to think about how they would feel - yes they are teens but they are old enough to know better..

Original poster
Slippersmum · 04/04/2015 18:57

You know Ice I did think of that with the Easter eggs??? I feel so mean though.

OP posts:
Fanfeckintastic · 04/04/2015 19:01

Oh hat that's so sad!!

I really hope you make it very clear to them how upset you are OP, if you don't then you'll have to expect the same every year.

I was a very selfish young teen and rarely made much of an effort, my mother made it really clear one year that she was disgusted with me and every year after that I made a really big deal of her. I'm so glad she instilled that in me because I have such fond memories of spoiling her for birthdays and mother's days.

Fanfeckintastic · 04/04/2015 19:02

Oh and I DEFINITELY wouldn't give them Easter eggs, I don't care how mean it is. Birthdays should be special, most of all for the woman raising you and probably always doing nice little things for you.

Lizzylou · 04/04/2015 19:42

Do NOT give them Easter eggs! No chance!

VeryVeryDarkGrey · 04/04/2015 19:52

Dont bother with their birthdays this year

Tutt · 04/04/2015 19:58

Happy birthday OP.
I'd do the same to them tomorrow and not be forth coming with any Easter Egg ( until later because the guilt would kick in) except the little one who was loving and kind.

Children learn by example and I would be showing them I was upset and hurt!

Gymbob · 04/04/2015 20:33

you must make your feelings known about this. that's so crap of them. I had to nag the oldest into producing a free card off the net for mothers day as she had no intention of getting me one. I decided I wouldn't let her get away with it or I would feel like you do.

you must really put a flea in their ears about this.

now have another wine with me Wine Wine Wine and like someone else said, feck them

IceniMist · 04/04/2015 22:28

Personally I wouldn't give the teens one, if they ask state you got the impression you weren't doing gifts etc anymore, because why would they expect you to do nice things for them if they can't do anything nice for you. I'd be inclined to give it to them later explaining how hurt you felt and that it made you cry, and were they happy that they made you cry etc. And if they don't buck their ideas up start getting strict!

ninawish · 05/04/2015 05:26

No way must you give them any Easter eggs at all!!!

I'd also be going on strike for anything for them other than roof over head and food in fridge - it's not just 'selfish teenagers', imo its lazy, mean disrespect and I'm experiencing it here too hence why I came into this thread tho mine is nothing like not getting anything for my birthday. I must say I would not only upset but pretty devastated if it were me. It's totally not in and you need to let them know they cannot treat you in this way Hmm

Original poster
Slippersmum · 05/04/2015 07:39

Ok, no eggs today! The irony is its a late birthday party for one today and I am taking them all out for the day! Help me keep strong with the Eastet eggs, I am worried I am going to crumble but you are all so right I cannot!! They will be very shocked.

OP posts:
liveoutloud · 05/04/2015 07:45

I know how you feel, last couple of years, I take my family out for my b-day. Yes, I am that desperate.

Almostnever · 05/04/2015 07:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chickydoo · 05/04/2015 07:59

Happy Birthday ThanksBrewWineGrin
Put the telly on, open a bottle of fizz.
Stay there....enjoy

Hathall · 05/04/2015 08:38

Op have you told them how you feel?
That's more important than treating them as mean as they treated you.
(I'd probably only pretend to hold out on the eggs!)

Enjoy your day Smile

SomewhereIBelong · 05/04/2015 08:49

NO-ONE forgets my birthday. I tell them 2 weeks before - "REMEMBER, it is my birthday blah,blah,blah" then a week before, then 2 days before.

If I want some fuss I make damn sure they know about it. I usually get a home-made card, breakfast made, we go out for tea and I get lots and lots of hugs - even from my teen...

It is like when we got taught about presenting at school - tell em what you're going to want, then tell em what you want, then tell em what you got and how it made you feel in prep for next time..

You have to reteach "thoughtfulness" as they pass through the teenage selfish hormones stage.

Roussette · 05/04/2015 09:25

Why do you feel mean?? They're the mean ones.

That's exactly the sort of thing my friend would say when I told her she should pull her kids up on them ignoring her birthday. "I feel so mean. I can't keep on. It's up to them. I shouldn't expect anything, it's only a birthday". What rubbish.

She let it go on, she never said anything and she was the one crying on my shoulder on her 60th when she got just a card from one of her 3 grown up kids, no present, no thought, nothing. You reap what you sow slipper.

Easter eggs and a day out for them? Bollocks to that. Good god woman, grow a backbone and stop this selfish entitled behaviour now. It will only get worse if you allow it (see above).

My DC's don't spend a lot, they don't treat me like a princess or anything like that (I am just Mum after all!), but they do make the effort. Last year's birthday present was wonderful from them, it made me cry, because they had tried so hard. And they made a card where they superimposed my head onto someone ridiculous. That is what teens should do - effort for their Mum, and you are no different. Get tough!

ACSlater · 05/04/2015 09:34

Happy (belated) birthday!

I've always made a fuss of my mum. Neither of my sisters bothered until I turned it into a competition (with adults grr!). Some people just don't like it not being all about them.

Bit harsh maybe but try (fake) forgetting their birthday so they know how it feels.

Original poster
Slippersmum · 05/04/2015 11:36

It's an activity for my sons birthday which is all arranged with 6 friends and paid for so can't get out of it. I have spoken to them all about what has happened. My eldest came in with one of those enormous cards that's almost a book with really mushy stuff in and a present. I haven't given anyone their eggs but no one has even mentioned them!! Thanks so much for all the wonderfully supportive and kind advice. It's so great to know it's not just me. This has never happened (to this extent) before. Next year is going to be very different!!

OP posts:
Roussette · 05/04/2015 12:14

Really pleased to hear that Slipper, I hope you have a lovely day. Flowers

Next year they are on test - start reminding them a week or two in advance!

mynameisnotmichaelcaine · 05/04/2015 16:29

Good! I'm glad they know they've upset you.

Selks · 05/04/2015 17:30

Well done, this is a good learning lesson for them. Teenagers don't always get things right, it's our job to help them learn which you have.
Someone commented upthread that things will be different when they are older. This mothers day just gone I got a card, flowers and a long note from my daughter (young adult) saying how sorry she is now for being such a dreadful teenager Smile. And she was a dreadful teenager at times, but they do grow into human beings! Grin