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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Does anyone have a teen who suffers from Tricotillomania(hair pulling)

58 replies

moomoo1967 · 31/03/2015 12:04

I am at my absolute wits end and in tears, I just don't know what to do. DD started pulling at her hair Dec13(that I first noticed) then it seemed to tail off last year. I have never really had long hair so thought that all the hair in the bath plughole and on the carpet was just a result of her brushing her hair but I have since realised that it is because she is pulling her hair again. My Mum was diagnosed with lung cancer last year which I think may have been the trigger. Her first BF finished with her last Monday 23rd and it has got much worse since then, with the hair on top of her head now being about 2 inches long, with the rest past shoulder length. Up til now she has refused to go to the doctors but we have an appointment on 8th April.
I just don't know how to deal with it, if I mention it when I notice her doing it she gets upset. She has got definite bald patches, she is also refusing to go out of the house so I am worried that she will refuse to go to school when they go back on 13th April.
Any advice would be most gratefully accepted

OP posts:

CalamitouslyWrong · 01/04/2015 11:05

The refusing to leave the house may be a problem (although you don't yet know that she'll refuse to go to school, so try not to panic at this stage).

The trich is very visible to you, so it's easy to get caught up on that, but try not to focus on it. Refusing to leave the house may be nothing to do with her hair at all.

Try to listen to her and not make assumptions about what's going on for her (hard, I know).

Original poster

moomoo1967 · 01/04/2015 15:39

I ended up asking for an emergency appointment for DD, and got one for this morning, in my view the GP was pretty much useless, she just told DD to stop doing it and only said that she would refer her after a lot of pressure from me to do so.

OP posts:

Corygal · 01/04/2015 17:06

The NHS really don't prioritise trich, you know. Get her a referral for CBT anyway, if she starts refusing school.

HormonalHeap · 01/04/2015 17:48

My dd 17 told me recently that she has been pulling out her eyelashes since age 11. She had felt unable to tell me earlier. I got her a course of CBT with a therapist which achieved.. Nothing. She has always been anxious (prob due to unpredictive violent nature of father). She so much wants to stop- but just can't.

ovumahead · 01/04/2015 19:48

Don't write CBT off because it didn't work for someone - the success of the therapy depends massively on the therapist and their confidence and previous experience in treating trich, as well as how well supervised they are. Hormonal your daughter's difficulties sounds complex (violent and unpredictable father) which would need more comprehensive therapy, not just can't for trich.

ovumahead · 01/04/2015 19:49

Not to can't... CBT! Can't see what I'm typing on my phone...

Original poster

moomoo1967 · 02/04/2015 16:54

I didn't really appreciate being told to get a grip, but after all you are entitled to your opinion. This isn't the only trauma I am having to deal with at present and I am on my own with my family over 100 miles away. As to whether it is a big deal or not it is all relative isn't it, if it is stopping her going out of the house to socialise with her friends and possibly could prevent her attending school then yes to me that would be a big deal. More if she refuses to go to school as she is a bright student achieving A&B grades, her GCSEs are next year. She was assigned a mentor just before the school holidays but obviously with it being the holidays she hasn't been able to develop a relationship yet.
I have ordered a couple of headband/scarf type things but so far she is refusing to wear them. I have sourced on the recommendation of a fellow trich sufferer a "fill in powder" does anyone have any experience of these ?
Also any of you who suffer from trich have you ever tried Reiki healing or Holistic remedies even if to just help with the anxiety that makes you pull in the first place ? This is what my DD is saying makes her pull, when upset or anxious.
I honestly do not think the GP was any help, today a letter arrived from her giving me the website for teensincrisis. I have had a quick look and it would seem that I have to pay for her to see a counselor for CBT or anything else. Spare money is pretty non-existent at present but is obviously something I may need to find.

OP posts:

Original poster

moomoo1967 · 02/04/2015 16:56

I also meant to add that DD's father was a very violent man and I suffered from a lot of domestic violence whilst in a relationship with him. I was lucky in that he walked out Xmas eve 2002 but I have always been concerned that the level of violence which DD may or may not have witnessed could have effected her in some way, now I feel awful that I didn't have the courage to get away from him before he left.

OP posts:

Original poster

moomoo1967 · 02/04/2015 16:59

I think the worst bit is that I feel so helpless, with a physical injury you can put a plaster on it or at least get it treated immediately and there was me whinging last year that she broke her thumb once and her middle finger twice, playing netball

OP posts:

ovumahead · 02/04/2015 17:37

Did your GP refuse to refer you to your local CAMHS service? If so I would advise you to write a letter to the GP outlining your concerns and questioning their decision. Also about how much stress it is causing you. Including information about her having witnessed domestic violence in the past is also significant and may prompt the GP to refer you - they are only referring for an assessment anyhow, it's up to CAMHS to decide whether to offer treatment or not. Having it all in writing makes it harder for GPs to decline as there is then a paper trail of potential neglect. If you really wanted to beef it up you could Google and read the NICE guidelines for the treatment of OCD in children /young people and I'm pretty sure it doesn't include declining treatment and referring people to a generalised website. Copy the letter in to the manager of the GP surgery to. I'm pretty sure this will help. Happy to read anything you write if you'd like me to.

Original poster

moomoo1967 · 02/04/2015 17:48

Thanks Ovuma, the letter is only four lines long and says "I have spoken to Child Psychiatry today and they advise you to contact TEENS IN CRISIS who offer cognitive behaviour therapy and can also make onward referral to child psychiatry if needed. Their number is 12345 and the website is blah blah. Plus it was addressed to DD and not me but said that I could call them if need be. The capitals were the doctors choice.
I may speak to them on Tuesday now as obvoiusly it is the long bank holiday weekend. When I said in the appointment that I was concerned in case DD refused to go to school, she just said that I would then have to phone Social Services.

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Original poster

moomoo1967 · 02/04/2015 17:49

To be fair I just feel fobbed off, I expected a referral to CAMHS

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ovumahead · 02/04/2015 18:12

Ah I see. The teens in crisis service may be the lead-in service to CAMHS. I don't know how much you know about mental health services and talking therapies in the UK but they've been overhauled in the last few years in order to provide more easily accessible therapy to more people. Usually you have to self-refern to the first level and that sounds like what the GP is suggesting- iI think this is absolutely fine as a first response and you should definitely give them a call. If they think she needs something else they can refer her on. A psychiatrist wouldn't offer therapy, only medication, and what she needs is likely to be CBT. I say go for it!

ovumahead · 02/04/2015 18:14

Also how old is your daughter? If 16+ all correspondence will be addressed to her.

Original poster

moomoo1967 · 02/04/2015 19:13

She is 15 Ovuma I know a little about psychology but not much about the Mental health system for children in the UK

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ovumahead · 02/04/2015 20:07

I work in children's mental health so I know a lot about it, but obviously not much about specific areas of the country. Letters usually get addressed to adolescents but parents should automatically get copies until they're 16 then it's up to the teenager to decide.

Original poster

moomoo1967 · 02/04/2015 20:30

no copy for me but then DD showed me anyway. I will definitely call them on Tuesday, thanks

OP posts:

ovumahead · 02/04/2015 21:08

Great! Let us know how you get in good luck! Sounds stressful... Enjoy a chocolaty weekend...

Corygal · 02/04/2015 21:23

Sweetheart, don't worry. Focus on getting the CBT free from the doc first, then chill a bit.

Don't waste money on bloody reiki (speaks the editor of several volumes on the subject), save it for CBT or treats.

I found knitting and embroidery reduced my pulling as it occupies the hands - very good for the anxious.

Teach DD relaxation techniques - eg breathing, you can get the details on the internet. Physical relaxation techniques work - breathing, walking, etc.

Good luck, keep us posted.

Original poster

moomoo1967 · 03/04/2015 08:52

I have a friend who is a qualified Reiki master(not quite sure if that is the correct terminology) and she has offered to do Reiki for free so I thought it was worth a try.
I have also just purchased at a reduced rate a CBT online course, it does not result in a qualification but I thought it would help me understand the process more. I have studied Psychology(and was studying until I deferred to cope with everything that was going on) with the OU and one of the modules was a counselling module, which covered CBT. I have tried suggesting different things but she just looks at me as though I am mad. She used to enjoy card crafting and I still have lots of the stuff so I may get that out at the weekend

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Original poster

moomoo1967 · 03/04/2015 08:54

The main thing I need to concentrate on is getting her out of the house today, there is an Outlet centre close to us so I thought I would take her there. I also had an idea about how we could do her hair to disguise the pulling, two plaits either side and fastened on top of her head would just about do it, I reckon

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NeedAnEasterEggForMyGiraffe · 03/04/2015 09:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ovumahead · 03/04/2015 09:52

The speed of actually getting therapy largely depends on where you live - don't write it off til you know.

You sound like a very caring mum, she's lucky to have you! But whatever you do, don't try to do any therapy with her - knowing about the theory of CBT is nowhere near actually training it it, practising it, and being supervised in it. Also there's a reason why a therapy would never do therapy with a relative or friend - because it doesn't work! You have to recognise and manage your own anxiety in this situation and try to keep this from impacting on her. Do let her know you care about her, that you love her, but don't be overly pushy or try to do any therapeutic work with her.

ovumahead · 03/04/2015 09:53

Also reiki - fine, if this is what she wants.

Original poster

moomoo1967 · 03/04/2015 10:00

Her not wanting to leave the house is not a teenage trait, believe me if shopping is involved then she would always leave the house. She does not want to leave the house because of what she has done to her hair. And I have not made it out to be a big deal to her, I have been calm and did not show how shocked I am at what she has done to her hair. There has to be an outlet somehow for me, this is it. This is the only place I can go to let out what is concerning me. I know that come 13th April she will refuse to go to school, I know my own daughter, that is what is concerning me, partly the repurcussions of that and what this is doing to her mentally. With everything else I have had to deal with over the past year I am worried that I am unable to make good decisions anymore or if I can cope anymore. Some of you may think that I am being selfish or self pitying but if I cannot function properly then I cannot help her to function properly. I am barely sleeping for the worrying and I just wish that I could make it go away for her

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