Does anyone have a teen who suffers from Tricotillomania(hair pulling)

[moomoo1967]

I am at my absolute wits end and in tears, I just don't know what to do. DD started pulling at her hair Dec13(that I first noticed) then it seemed to tail off last year. I have never really had long hair so thought that all the hair in the bath plughole and on the carpet was just a result of her brushing her hair but I have since realised that it is because she is pulling her hair again. My Mum was diagnosed with lung cancer last year which I think may have been the trigger. Her first BF finished with her last Monday 23rd and it has got much worse since then, with the hair on top of her head now being about 2 inches long, with the rest past shoulder length. Up til now she has refused to go to the doctors but we have an appointment on 8th April.
I just don't know how to deal with it, if I mention it when I notice her doing it she gets upset. She has got definite bald patches, she is also refusing to go out of the house so I am worried that she will refuse to go to school when they go back on 13th April.
Any advice would be most gratefully accepted

How horrible for both of you. I don't have direct experience of this but I have worked with youngsters who did it - it's basically a form of self harm which can get worse when they are more anxious or low. Really good news that she's agreed to see a doctor. I guess until then anything that can distract her and make her feel better is all you can do. Maybe you could ask her what she would like you to do when you see her doing it? I'm not the best person to give advice as I am in the thick of awful times with my own DD but you do have my sympathy.

notsotrichy.tumblr.com

it's definitely self harm. hopefully the gp will refer quickly.

my dd also self harms by constantly scraping at her bottom lip with her teeth. it's red raw and often swells to twice it's size. she also pulls at her top lip and has made it hang down in the middle.

I have strategies that sometimes work and sometimes don't.

can you give your DD a stress ball so her hands are occupied?

Thanks for your replies, I have said should we maybe use a code word when I see her doing it but she said no. Sorry to hear you are having worries Breathslowly. Since I was a toddler I have picked at the skin around my nails, and bitten my nails so much so that they bleed badly and when I was younger would go septic. I have only just realised today whilst doing some research that it is a similar condition, that of obsessive-compulsive disorder. I did wonder about a stress ball if it would work. Sorry to hear about your DD Gymbob, I used to do similar too when I was younger, bite at the dry skin on my lips until they bled. I have said that if I try to stop biting my fingers, will she try to stop pulling her hair but she said that most of the time she doesn't realise that she is doing it.

Thanks Fugacity for the link, I will check it out

youtu.be/dB7vXLQc4B0

I'm not sure it's a form of self harm.

Unless biting your nails is "self harm".

It's a habit, something you do for comfort, and usually without noticing you're doing it.

You don't think "I'm going to sit down and pull out my hair now."

You find yourself doing it when you are lost in thought. So times when you are preoccupied you'll tend to do it more.

It's not that big a deal. You've been biting your fingers until they were infected for years, but I'm sure you don't think it's a massive issue.

Listen to what she says about it. Does she want to stop? What kind of help does she want?

Something that can help with obvious bald patches is trying to get into the habit of twisting the hair at the bottom of the back of your head.

I am at my absolute wits end and in tears

I mean this in the kindest way possible, but you really need to get a grip.

How would you have felt if your mother had been in tears and at her "wits' end" because of your nail/finger biting when you were her age?

She has a habit that has unsightly drawbacks. It's very, very far from the end of the world.

Don't make this into a bigger deal than it needs to be.

My teenage sister does - she finds Rebecca Brown very helpful.

www.youtube.com/user/TrichJournal

Bathtime - I suggest you educate yourself. This is an often debilitating mental illness. Often, it is not a bad habit that a person can be trained out of.

I am livid at your post. I am sure that some people find this condition to be a minor annoyance, but many are mentally crippled by their own compulsions, and thrown into depression - like my sister.

To minimise is abhorrent. It is akin to telling a woman with PND that it is all in her head.

I had dermatillomania. My GP described it as OCD like behaviour.

Once Id been "diagnosed" I looked at distraction techniques which generally involved becoming very good as a weird fish game on my mobile. And removing all mirrors/reflective surfaces.

It worked but I still have some sissies, very manageable tho.

It's not a "habit" it's a compulsion. If I couldn't pick my skin I would feel sick and anxious and try to find anything reflective that I could use. Not a habit.

FFS. Sissies. Issues. Fuck you iphone.

I did this for years to self soothe. Thankfully I have a lot of very thick hair.
The only thing that stopped me was getting on top of my anxiety issues. I just don't need to do if any more.

It's not self harm in the normal sense of self harm. It's a compulsive behaviour, and as you say, closely related to OCD. She will need treatment with a mental health professional and possibly medication. Your GP should refer you to your local CAMHS service for an assessment.

Telling her to stop and getting upset about it yourself is not going to help unfortunately. Talk to her about it calmly, without trying to change anything. She needs understanding first. She probably feels ashamed of what she's doing, and confused about it. It's a treatable problem, but like many psychological problems, can't be helped by someone saying 'don't do it' . She is obviously stressed and anxious and you've done a food job of connecting events to the hair pulling, as well as identifying a possible genetic / family predisposition towards trich tup email behaviours. Do some more research online and get some support for yourself if your stressed. Be strong for her. Good luck!

*tup email = type behaviours

glitter - yes, maybe I should go back in time 26 years, form this habit myself, deal with it for my entire adult life and then try to explain to someone's mother what it's like.

Oh wait, I don't need to do that. It's already done.

Maybe your sister has a debilitating mental illness, but lots and lots of people hair pull and for many of us it is no bigger a deal than nail biting.

Going in all guns blazing is not usually the way to approach anything with a teenager.

It's possible that the OP's daughter will have her life wrecked by this. But it's far more likely that this will be a small part of who she is.

Catastrophising at this point helps nobody. Talk to the girl who is doing this and follow her lead.

I've done this since I was 4. No, it's not a mental illness, and neither is it self harm. It counts as an OCD of the same severity as nail biting.

The bald patches are shaming and depressing. It can make you feel crap about yourself - other people's reactions don't help either. In many ways, they're the worst bit. I'm prepared to believe it can affect you badly, as glittertits says, but it doesn't have to. Anyway, the point is that no matter how it hits your DD, you have to do something about it.

Pls don't add to your DDs stress by getting hysterical about it as you will make her worse. Please also don't stop until you get help - my parents ignored it and it was years before I could access help, by which time the trich was entrenched.

CBT is the treatment, and it works. So focus on that. I know a lot about trich now as I have been treated by the national experts, so PM me if you like.

Oh, I'm 47 and have nice blonde hair. It grows back, you know.

Bathtime - x post, great post from a fellow sufferer and now trich expert!

Glittertits - no offence, but your facts are incorrect. I'm sure your sister suffered, but it would likely have been a co-morbid depression, not the trich. As it happens, it's an OCD strongly linked to good mental health and high intelligence.

I do it, but not to the same extent as your DD and it's more twirling and tugging rather than pulling, and way more when I'm stressed - no bald patches but I do get a sore scalp and lose more hair than I suspect is normal. DP is forever slapping my hands away from my hair to try and stop me. I find tying my hair up in a bun so it's not so easy to get at helps - would that help DD in the short term?

I have done this since I was about 12.

It is not self harm. It is a compulsion, but something you can learn to live with.

I still do it, but am better at hiding the bald patches and it really isn't a big thing in my life.

I agree with everything Bathtime has said.

I do this, in much the way noyear onand describes. I don't so much pull my hair as twist it around into knots and tug at it. I do it more when I'm tired, or stressed, and I often do it when I'm concentrating on something. I've done it since I was tiny.

My DH is also always telling me off about it. I don't have any bald patches (I have loads of fast growing hair) and I do lose quite a lot of hair. It tends to make my hair a bit more frizzy and damaged than it otherwise would be.

Having something to do with my hands helps a bit. Crochet or knitting can be useful.

Trich is NOT a mental disorder .. nor is it self harm..
You (or more like she) might want to look at support groups Trichotillomania support

I am also more likely to leave my hair alone if it's shorter. I was having (fairly minor) problems with losing hair at the front through twisting and tugging so I had a fringe cut in and I never pull at it (just at the hair further back). Learning to twist the hair on the back and underneath lots of other hair can be useful, as any hair loss will be less noticeable.

I agree that not panicking is important here. It is only hair, and it grows back.

It sounds like your DD is finding the break up and your mum's diagnosis tough. I'd concentrate on helping her with that and try not to make too big a deal of the hair pulling.

It sounds like your DD is finding the break up and your mum's diagnosis tough. I'd concentrate on helping her with that and try not to make too big a deal of the hair pulling.

Yes, I second this.

Nice to meet a few others with this affliction :)

glitter I hope your sister is doing better now.

thank you for all your answers, I guess the thing that is really worrying me is that yesterday she refused to leave the house, if she then refuses to leave the house to go to school what then. It is her GCSEs next year. And don't even say make her go to school, she is almost taller than me and it isn't as if I can march her the 30 minutes walk to school

Take heart moomoo - trich isn't that serious. I know refusing to leave the house is a bit more worrying, but talk to her. And good luck with the doc.